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-   -   Bonding more with one child? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19796)

Shannon 07-05-2006 01:15 PM

Bonding more with one child?
 
As a parent of more than one child does anyone find that they bond/communicate bettter with one child than any others? Common intrests, personalities, emotions?

I'm not talking about loving one child more than another...or treating children differently to show favoritism...but do you find that one child and you tend to share more than another?

wbkt8 07-05-2006 01:17 PM

Re: Bonding more with one child?
 
shannon - i don't know for sure, but from my experience growing up & talking with my parents i think that it's totally normal to just "get" one kid better than another. sometimes that b/c of personality similarities. but i think just as often parents clash more with the child that's most like them. i know my mom & brother had a terrible time getting along and it's b/c they're tempermentally very similar.

scwendy 07-05-2006 01:17 PM

Re: Bonding more with one child?
 
Absolutely!

I bond in different ways and to different degrees with each of my three children. They are all individuals, so that makes perfect sense to me!

Shannon 07-05-2006 01:27 PM

Re: Bonding more with one child?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by wbkt8
shannon - i don't know for sure, but from my experience growing up & talking with my parents i think that it's totally normal to just "get" one kid better than another. sometimes that b/c of personality similarities. but i think just as often parents clash more with the child that's most like them. i know my mom & brother had a terrible time getting along and it's b/c they're tempermentally very similar.

That makes sense. My ODD is only 3(almost4) but I find her (probebly her age alot too) to be very trying on me.She's VERY active and always wants to PLAY PLAY PLAY....I'm more of the craftsy, read books, cuddley person...Dh is the player in the family. I just feel awful, like I'm gyping her because I do NOT get into pretend play.

My YDD is only 20 months and she and I seem to click a lot right now. Of course it could just be her age and that she is my baby. But she is content to just sit on my lap and read or just sit there and cuddle. For long periods of time. She always wants to be with me, no matter what we are doing. She's also much quieter and observant than her sister. She is not as outgoing at all.

I'm sure all of this could change as personalities blossom and the new baby gets here. I love BOTH of my children to death...I just don't want to hurt my ODD in anyway.

jls~Kain~Drake 07-05-2006 01:37 PM

Re: Bonding more with one child?
 
I would agree with this very much....definitely not talking love or favoritism, but personality. Mine are 2.5yo and 10mo, so I don't know for sure where things will head....BUT...they're both incredibly active...but my 2yo is pretty easy going and can be easily distracted...he's also very...i've lost the word...ya know...he doesn't get his feelings hurt easily...he's all boy....ya know, he's your average man's man type of thing...where as the 10mo is also very active and playful...very, VERY strong willed - not easily distracted...wears his feelings on his sleeve type of thing. Ds1 is a lot like dh, and ds2 would be a lot more like me....

Anyway, I kind started rambling there...but I know what you're talking about!

GrowingUpMad 07-05-2006 01:45 PM

Re: Bonding more with one child?
 
I have a much stronger bond with my son than my dd, always have. I feel so guilty but I can't force that bond with her. My son and I only had each other for a long time (single teen parent) and he was just so mellow and a mamas boy. We did everything together and he loved every minute of it. If I needed to study he'd sit for hours and play (not typical for a 15 month old), if I wanted to shop he'd sit in the stroller and look at everything, we went to the park and out to lunch with no fuss. He's now 11 1/2 and we still have a tight bond, he picks to go with me to the fabric store over going to the hardware store with dad. With dd she has been tempermental from the beginning, always testing me and alwyas miserable. I can't shop with her, if I am tired that just means more time for her to destroy, if I get her something special she complains that it's not what she wanted. She wants her daddy because he gives in and wants me to go away because I keep her in her place. Of course when she is tired, sick or hungry I am all she wants. I was crying last week because I feel like ds and I are so close and dd and I are so far apart. Seriously I feel closer to Lilly (the unborn baby) than Madi sometimes. My mother and I had the same "tension" growing up and now we see each other alot but are still not as close as mother and daughter should be, I do not want my daughter and I to be that way. I have been trying my hardest to have "Madison Days" and that seems to be going well. We do everything she wants and I focus on her only (we do this when ds is at his dads). We took her on a date over the weekend to a nice restaurant where kids are not normally at (warned her for about 1 1/2 that she must behave or we will be asked to leave) then took her to a nice little pastry shop for dessert. We even rode the train (aka monorail) and she behaved the entire time, it was wonderful. Of course the next day was back to routine and she was horrible because all the focus wasn't on her but hey a little at a time.

Now that I went on and on... I think it's normal to have different bonds with your children as all children are different. Not all personalities bond the same way but I do believe as parents it's our job to try to do those things we noramlly wouldn't it it means spending more quality and individual time with our children.

Carrie 07-05-2006 02:02 PM

Re: Bonding more with one child?
 
I have identical twins and I've thought a lot about this question. Moms only bond with one baby at a time, so I had some issues initially with bonding. I bonded with Ryan first. He was the best nurser, and I think that is the main reason. Ryan is more like me, and he has many of my facial expressions. I feel like when I look at him I know what he is thinking. I empathize more with him. But, I also get annoyed with him more easily than Ethan and I am less concerned when he is hurt or upset than with Ethan.

My children are the same age, they look the same, and in many ways they act the same. But still I feel differently bonded to each of them. So yes, I would say it's completely normal to feel a different sort of bond with each of your children. In some ways Ryan and I share more, but Ethan is more of a "mama's boy," while Ryan is very close to Daddy.

AttachedMama 07-05-2006 05:54 PM

Re: Bonding more with one child?
 
I'm so glad I found this thread. I was actually crying the other night feeling so guilty that I feel closer to Christian than I do with Laynna. She's definitely daddy's little girl and they get along so well. Christian and I can talk about anything and seem to like to do the same things. I usually feel like a horrible mom because of it, but maybe it's normal?

FitMommyOf2 07-06-2006 10:14 AM

Re: Bonding more with one child?
 
I agree re the personality, not talking favoritism.
DD is 4.5 yrs now and always has been a Daddy's girl. She was a fussy baby who was mostly happy when her daddy held her etc. Now that she's older she seems to already get a little 'catty' with me sometimes (eventhough I didn't expect that to happen until she'd be a teen!) and gives me a lot of back talk etc.
DS on the other hand is very mellow, calm.. and I admit, right now a real mommy's boy. Aside from the fact that he's also my baby who'll just turn 1 year next week, I feel I have a special bond with him; more than with DD.
But then again there are times where DD and I have a real 'girly' bond time.., only I wish it'd be more often..


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