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kocho 11-23-2012 05:58 PM

Please help me be supportive
My 24 year old cousin recently had a baby and gave it up for adoption. We have always been close and my kids adore her. I'm trying to be as supportive as possible, but really don't know how to show my support.

She just had the baby on Tuesday. I went to the hospital and visited and took cookies. Flowers just didn't seem right. I got to see the baby, which was nice.

My kids don't know she had a baby. She's a bigger girl and didn't gain much weight, so they really never noticed. I really think they would have made things harder for her if they had known. So DH and I decided not to tell them.

She got out of the hospital yesterday. I took them Thanksgiving dinner and they seemed to appreciate that. But I'm not sure what else to do. She is a sweet girl. I want to be there for her in any way that I can, but I don't want to sufficate her.

I'm not sure if seeing my kids would make things harder for her or help distract her. So, I told her I was leaving the ball in her court as far as my kids go. She had a c-section, so I want to keep them away until she had healed as they tend to throw themselves at her.

The adopting family seems wonderful. And when I visited last night she seemed at peace with her decision. But she has a history of depression to the point of being suicidal and I am terribly worried about her.

Reading my post makes me feel like I pushed my way into their private moments, but my Aunt called and told me she was in labor, called and told me the baby was born and invited me over, called and told me they were home and I could bring on the turkey. My aunt, cousin and I are very close. I lived with them for awhile when she was little. My cousin is also very close to my children.

So, any ideas on how I can be supportive without being in her face? I really just want to be there for her.

luvsviola 11-23-2012 08:03 PM

Call her or text her to just say hi--how you doing??

Maybe invite her to dinner?

When we lost DFS, that is what helped me--people inviting me out and people just calling to check in me.

Only 11-24-2012 08:52 PM

I have no experience in this exact situation but you could send her a text to let her know you are thinking of her, or offer to stop by with her favorite take out place to keep her company?

It must be difficult for her with tons of mixed feelings.

I think it's great you are trying to be there for her and regardless she will appreciate whatever gestures. :hugs:

newmommy13 11-25-2012 09:04 AM

It doesn't sound like you intruded at all. It sounds like you are being supportive. I agree you should check in with her, see how she is doing. Knowing that you care will mean a lot to her I'm sure.

anne_josh 11-25-2012 11:57 PM

Re: Please help me be supportive
Check in (call or text) and most importantly support her decision. Lots of people will not.

kocho 12-03-2012 07:21 PM

Re: Please help me be supportive
Thanks for the responses. Sorry it took me so long to post back.

We went out for dessert with a mutual friend last week. Katie had a rough day so it was good for her to get out.

I talked to my aunt on Sunday and she said the Dad has been contacting Katie wanting to get back together. So frustrating that now he wants to get back with her.

Taking the kids over for the first time tomorrow. She wont have to spend a lot of time with them as her sister will babysit downstairs while we have Bible study. But it will be good for her to see them. They miss each other.

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