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-   -   Breaking the news (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1471816)

ummsmiley 12-12-2012 09:23 AM

Breaking the news
 
So I know there's been lots of threads about nosey family and rude comments or disapproval of the choice to have a large family. I'm 11 weeks pregnant with our 6th and haven't told anyone because of the on slot of rude and hurtful comments that will come. In years passed I've just kinda brushed off the comments and not said much but I just don't feel like doing it anymore. I have 5 little girls who would be so excited to hear the news but we havnt told them because we know they would start telling everyone. Its really raining on my parade and taking the joy out of this pregnancy. The MAIN CULPRIT IS MY MOM. I was thinking about writing her a heart to heart email about how hurtful her comments have been in the past and sternly yet politely explaining that our families size is OUR CHOICE and OUR BUISSNESS.

IS THE EMAIL A GOOD ROUTE TO GO? ANY SUGGESTIONS ON WORDING?

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american_mommy 12-12-2012 09:07 PM

Re: Breaking the news
 
We were TTC this baby(our 6th also) so we were expecting, or hoping anyway to get a BFP.
My situation was a sad one though. I tested 2 days early before AF was due and got my BFP. I was so happy, 2 days later(when AF was due) dh and I told our other kids. They were the first ones to know. That same day my sister called me and told me I needed to get to Ohio to see my Dad because he was dying. So it was very hard. What was supposed to be a happy time turned sad.
I told my sister when we got there and I also told my Dad when I got to see him. They were the only ones. He passed away 8 days after I got my BFP.
I didn't tell anyone for awhile. The kids wanted to tell people but I told them to wait. I knew mymom would make stupid comments so I didn't tell her for a long time.
I ended up telling her right before I posted it on Facebook.
I am very bad about not telling people how I feel and I hate it, so if you have the courage to say something do it. I hold things back and it hurts me in the end and it isn't fun. People think we are crazy for having 6 but we don't care.
Congratulations on your new little one, I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy!

Tribe Of Five 12-12-2012 09:25 PM

Re: Breaking the news
 
We have five children. I've heard so many hurtful comments from so called friends, neighbors, co-workers, family and strangers. You just have to remember that children are a blessing, each and every one of them. People are always going to have their opinion; they'll always have something to say. You just have to be confident in the decision you and your husband have made to have a large family and not let anyone make you feel ashamed of that. I love our large family and wouldn't change it for the world. ;-)

ummsmiley 12-13-2012 11:09 AM

I'm sooooo sorry for your loss American mommy. I have a slightly similar situation. I was called this past July and told my daddy was dying....rushed home to the east coast. He died 8 days later. It's SO hard losing a parent. I feel your pain and miss my dad terribly. My dad was one of the only people totally supportive and excited about my choice to have a large family. He'd say "go big or go home baby!" lol. He would have been thrilled about this pregnancy.

I haven't written the email yet....just not sure of what all I want to say. Thanks for responding to my post.

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american_mommy 12-13-2012 12:45 PM

Re: Breaking the news
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ummsmiley (Post 16038807)
I'm sooooo sorry for your loss American mommy. I have a slightly similar situation. I was called this past July and told my daddy was dying....rushed home to the east coast. He died 8 days later. It's SO hard losing a parent. I feel your pain and miss my dad terribly. My dad was one of the only people totally supportive and excited about my choice to have a large family. He'd say "go big or go home baby!" lol. He would have been thrilled about this pregnancy.

I haven't written the email yet....just not sure of what all I want to say. Thanks for responding to my post.

Sent from my iPad using DS Forumq

My dad used to tease my sister and me about trying to populate the world lol.
I miss him so much, just to hear his voice and his laugh, to see him smile. Knowing he knew about this baby is a comfort but they will never meet and that makes me so sad. When I told him I just cried and he said it would be ok and hugged me. I just said it wasn't supposed to be like this. He fought cancer for quite a few years and was tired so I know he is no longer in pain. The loss is just so hard and feels like it will never go away. I look forward to the day I can think of him and look at his pictures and not cry.
So sorry to hear about your Dad too. Unless someone has gone through it they just can't understand, no matter how hard they try. Lots of hugs!

crunchymamaNY 12-14-2012 08:58 PM

Re: Breaking the news
 
I feel your pain. I want so hard to tell everyone that I'm having a miracle baby! But because it was unplanned, and we are not currently financially stable, people can be cruel. We meant to wait another year after I graduated college. We have 4 kids now, and expecting our 5th. No one knows that I suffered a miscarriage nearly a year ago, so this pregnancy was more scary, yet exciting for me. I found out I have low progesterone levels so keeping this baby in me until it's due date will be hard. Ive had 2 preterm babies as well.

So, I'm not sure what to put in your letter, or even if there should be a letter. But, if you are going to go the letter or email route, I'd suggest making her know how excited you are and that you hope she could share the joy with you. And that hurtful comments are not something you wish to hear because you love this baby, and if she cannot be supportive, then she doesn't need to make any comments at all.

Congratulations! I wish I could have tons more babies, but this one was hard enough to hold onto. This will be our last.

sydneyrose22 12-14-2012 09:20 PM

Re: Breaking the news
 
8 days after I found out I was pregnant I found out my dad had pancreatic cancer. I flew home and ended up staying there for three months to take care of him until he died. We knew he only had a few months to live and I couldn't stand the thought of saying goodbye for the last time since I wouldn't be able to afford to fly out again except for the funeral. He died when I was 18 weeks. It was my first baby too so it really put a damper on my pregnancy.

Sorry to ramble off subject, I just find comfort in hearing others went through the same thing. Anywho, I think having a big family is great and you should ignore haters. The family is under attack these days and if you do a good job raising your kids then you should have lots!

kelpie169 12-14-2012 09:23 PM

I had todo something similar with my mom-different situation but it was a "lay it all out there" kinda email. It worked for awhile but then she reverted. But my mom is a classic narcissist so there's no helping her. It did however help me. I laid EVERYTHING out there. And now she knows. Now she has no recourse when she does something I've expressly told her not to do and I stop letting her see the kids.

That bein said congrats on your newbie! I can not imagine 6 kids! I'm done after 3. Good for you! And just let your mom-and everyone-know that negativity will not be tolerated. If its THAt hurtful then do something drastic to get your point across. Whether that's blowing up or just passively ignoring them for a week-whatever. Don't indulge their negativity.

Hope it gets better!


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