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-   -   controling attitude and anger? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1482965)

BNC 01-18-2013 02:38 PM

controling attitude and anger?
 
Im not usually an angry person. In fact, before kids I was often described as extremely easy going and level headed.

Then I had Kara. That child is a *handful*. She pushes every single button I have, every single day until I explode.

I dont know how to control it. I yell at her and tell her to just go away. Which I feel awful about. I dont consciously yell, it just spills out with no warning. Ive never been a yeller...in fact before kara I could count on one hand the number of times I had ever raised my voice at someone.

I have a horrible attitude with her. I expect her to get under my skin. Even when she is being good, im always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Which leads me to over react to trivial things. I cant even effectively correct the behavior because my first reaction is to just yell.

I get so frustrated with her, that I yell at the other girls for no reason.

When I tell her no, or stop her from doing something wrong she whines. WHINES and cries like nothing i have ever heard before. Its not normal childhood whining. Which gets on my last nerve and makes me even angrier.

I try to just walk away, but she follows me. Even locking myself in the bathroom doesnt work...she lays on the ground outside the door and continues whining through the gap at the bottom of the door.

I have tried everything I can think of. Whispering, walking away, ignoring her, spanking her, taking away things, sending her to bed, time outs, everything I can think of.

She only acts this way for me. Everyone thinks im over reacting except dh who has seen her in action.

I know part of it is that im not very maternal and hate being at home with the kids past a year old. I also dont particularly like kids past a year old, except for a select few, lol. Im not happy at the moment but I should be able to hide that from my kids. It doesnt excuse my behavior.

Going back to work is not an option. I do wah, but sometimes I think that makes it worse...trying to get that stuff done too while watching the kids.

My oldest is starting to pick up on my attitude and copy it...which is not ok.

l_Kimmie_l 01-18-2013 02:47 PM

Re: controling attitude and anger?
 
I am a yeller. So is my DH. We are both home and still struggle to stay calm. You are not alone.

EmilytheStrange 01-18-2013 02:54 PM

Honestly, prayer.

I pray in the morning to give me and DD patience.

It has helped although I still have my moments.

I just try to see things from her eyes. She's 2, she's a curious thinker, she's gaining independence, she's learning boundaries and testing limits.

I'm still not as good as some moms at being patient and understanding, but the prayer really helps.

mamatoclaire 01-18-2013 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BNC
Im not usually an angry person. In fact, before kids I was often described as extremely easy going and level headed.

Then I had Kara. That child is a *handful*. She pushes every single button I have, every single day until I explode.

I dont know how to control it. I yell at her and tell her to just go away. Which I feel awful about. I dont consciously yell, it just spills out with no warning. Ive never been a yeller...in fact before kara I could count on one hand the number of times I had ever raised my voice at someone.

I could have written this. I am normally a calm and laid back person. But DD just gets under my skin. I hate fighting her over simple, stupid things. Like, she hates clothes (she's 2). I do not want to debate over getting dressed. We have places to go and you need clothes! I feel so guilty when I yell at her. Her whining just makes me crazy.

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*TinyJoys* 01-18-2013 03:11 PM

Re: controling attitude and anger?
 
N/M

blueyes 01-18-2013 03:18 PM

Re: controling attitude and anger?
 
I admit that I'm a yeller too! Before I got pregnant, I was usually a calm and quiet person. Now my DD sometimes get on my nerves. She broke the screen monitor of my laptop and I paid almost $150 for screen replacement and repair.

ktarsha 01-18-2013 03:59 PM

Re: controling attitude and anger?
 
I could have written that post. I've been a much more angry person since I had kids, and it's only gotten worse with my 2-year-old. My 6-year-old and I clashed sometimes, and he was a dreadful sleeper, but basically he was an easy toddler. I don't remember many tantrums, and the terrible twos just didn't happen, so I was completely unprepared for the second child. My 2-year-old is SUCH a handful, and we've been in the terrible twos for what seems like forever. He fights me at diaper changes and when I'm putting clothes on him or taking them off (seriously? You pitched a fit when I put the shirt on this morning, now you don't want it off?) Whenever he doesn't get his way, or doesn't like what's going on, he screams at the top of his lungs. He gets into everything, and I know it's natural curiosity, but cleaning up his messes. If we're at a restaurant and the food doesn't come fast enough, he screams; when he's finished, he wants to get down and run amok, and when we don't let him do that, he screams, so half the time I leave my meal to take him out to the car so he won't bother the other diners. It's gotten so that I don't want to go anywhere with him, because I know it will end up being a miserable experience. He's also a runner. Ran away from me at the grocery store today, escaped my parents' house with his cousin at Thanksgiving and went wandering in the street. It doesn't help that I'm 42 and don't have the energy I used to have. I'm worn out and frustrated by the end of every.single.day. and I feel like I yell constantly.

BNC 01-19-2013 05:19 PM

Re: controling attitude and anger?
 
Thanks everyone. Its nice to know im not the only one!

erin_c_odonnell 01-19-2013 05:29 PM

Re: controling attitude and anger?
 
I think it's the age mixed with personailty differences. Everytime one of my kids hit 2,3,4 they make me nuts. It's hard for them to communicate, they are selfish and whiney lol. But I try to keep telling myself they grow up. They learn. It doesn't work every time and yes I think I'm a calm levelheaded person but boy can a 2 yr old make me mad. If you're a Christian read "Give them Grace". It's a tough age mama- :hugs:

mommy2abigail 01-19-2013 08:01 PM

Re: controling attitude and anger?
 
:hugs:I think we've all gotten into a 'funk' like that at one time or another. I see you are talking about your 3 year old, yes? What are some things she really enjoys doing? Could you set aside some time, maybe just 5-10 minutes a few times per day to do that with her? Really focus on only her and let other things go for that time...it's HARD. I know, I have to practically force myself sometimes. Can you get some alone time with just her? We try very hard to have a 'date' time with each of our kids, maybe 1-2 times a month. Daddy will take one girl out, or stay with the others while I do, or the bigs will go spend the night at grandmas and we will stay home with the toddler. Last night, for example, my older two stayed at my moms house so it was just me and the 2 year old. We took a shower and I sat on the floor and played with little cups of water with her, we made some play doh cookies, and we read board books at bedtime. It was peaceful and not stressful at all, because she was my only focus. It can't happen like that everyday, but I try to get some on one on one time with each of them.
My older two trade off 'kid of the day'. On their day, they get to pick the nap time video and stay up half hour later with dh and I. Knowing they will have a few days a week where they get our undivided attention helps so much.
Anyway, this may or may not help. Just thought I'd throw it out there, since I've found myself in a similar situation of constantly anticipating negativity and then getting just that. It's very hard. :hugs:


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