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-   -   Sexy AND Mommy? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1484767)

themaelane 01-23-2013 11:34 PM

Sexy AND Mommy?
 
So I just took a really long bath....possibly the longest in 3 years LOL and I realized a few things...

- I used to think a lot in the shower/bath. No wonder I have mommy brain.

- Baths are wonderful.:lostit:

- Last, my point:
I don't know how to be sexy and mommy. Back before DD, I enjoyed sex and being sexy and all that (shaving my legs, putting on a dress or even some lingerie) with/for my DH. But then DD came, and I didn't wanna be touched. And now I still have problems, and she's 3! Part of it now is time and exhaustion, of course. But there's this nurturing mommy part that makes me feel almost guilty for having sexy feelings.

If you think about all those motherly women in society, you don't also think of them as sexual. And vice versa. I'm not saying I want to be all crazy sexy...I just want to feel sexy enough to find that bond again with my DH. I want to find that balance. I want to WANT to have my DH and him want me. :banghead:

This also might help with baby-making:blush:, but of course then the cycle would start over again...!

So how do you do it? How do you balance being a nurturing parent and a sexy lover?

MakingHome 01-24-2013 12:21 AM

Re: Sexy AND Mommy?
 
I haven't struggled with that dichotomy... I'm still *me* ya know?

So I'm still the gal who likes to be intimate... even though the specifics may change... maybe then I loved candles and poetry... and at a different time we just had energy and time for mostly quickies... and at a different time we were mostly exhausted but took downtime at least twice a week to deeply talk and connect... etc... the details may change but keeping THAT as a priority doesn't change. It's the only way, ultimately, that I can be a good mom... is to have a solid marriage and feel desired and loved & be able to express my desire and love for him to him.

It's like cement that holds the whole brick house together or something...


A few thoughts:
(1) Doing it more helps you want to do it more... and the reverse is true... doing it less makes it less of a desire.
(2) Think of a campfire that's allowed to fizzle out. It takes a lot more work to start a whole new campfire than to just keep those embers hot and rekindle the new fire each time. So keep your "embers" warm by not going too long between times.
(3) Think about it and talk about it more. The more you think/talk about it (with him especially) the more you'll want to.

Don't allow yourself to think in either/or. Either I'm a good nurturing mom, OR I'm a sexy fun wife. Be both. You are allowed to be a multi-faceted diamond of a gal... lots of different angles and sides to you- and it's all beautiful. Be that & give yourself freedom and room to express everything in you. Don't hold some of it back & one day wake up to find that that part died... rekindle that part of you now while you still can grab for it and enjoy it with the one you love. :) Do it, do it, do it, do it. :)

LittleThingsMama638 01-24-2013 12:24 AM

I have no advice but I.know exactly what you are talking about. I feel that way a lot and often think about how I struggle with the two and I don't know how to not he a mom.

harmoni247 01-24-2013 01:04 AM

Re: Sexy AND Mommy?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleThingsMama638 (Post 16198482)
I have no advice but I.know exactly what you are talking about. I feel that way a lot and often think about how I struggle with the two and I don't know how to not he a mom.

You can't "not be a mom". You are one, but you can also be sexy. Like PP said: be multifaceted. Be all of you all of the time. Think of yourself like that song :giggle2:

"I'm a b**ch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. And I do not feel ashamed."

People are not flat, you can be a child to you mother and a mother to your child at the same time, just as you're a sister to your siblings, a friend to your friends, and....... a wife to your partner. You shouldn't be trying to switch between different personas. I'm sure you want your child to embrace their whole selves. You are what they're watching, you give them the example.

danielle 01-24-2013 01:51 AM

I think the first step is sharing this exact feeling with your husband. Share all of it - being a mama with responsibilities, wanting it to be like back in the day, needing some motivation... I'm guessing he's been "waiting" for you. :)

Rdesonia 01-24-2013 02:08 AM

Re: Sexy AND Mommy?
 
I think it's all in how you look it at. Being a good mom IS being a good wife! A happy marriage is a wonderful thing for your kids to see. (Of course lock the bedroom door as they don't need to see everything! Ha ha! )
Valentines is coming up. Buy yourself something sexy to wear to dinner (and something sexy to wear under that), shave, and put some candles on your nightstands. Have fun!
Men love curvy women. It's like they liked you before... and now after a child... Boom! Softer! Curvier! It's like you are now your Dh's fantasy version of yourself. It's true! Ask him.

raisingcropsandbabies 01-24-2013 06:18 AM

Re: Sexy AND Mommy?
 
For me, it was hard to TRANSITION from being mommy to being ready to jump no DH after the kids went to bed. haha.

What helps me is:
-working out everyday (makes me feel good about myself)
-this might sound horrible, but it really helped me feel sexy... rent some "how to" movies on how to do a strip tease or how to do a sexy dance or bellydance. I know Carmen Electra has some on Netflix. I got some of those and practiced when the kids were napping and dh was not home. While I have not done a strip tease for DH, I have learned how to shake what I got (hehe) and move my body sensually and I have done that for DH. It's fun and playful now to bend down and pick up something off the floor and know how to lift myself up in a very suggestive way infront of DH. It surprises him and he gets all flustered and it makes me feel good.
- buying myself some pretty sexy panties (there is an online store called hipsandcurves that has great, pretty pairs for not that much money and they are plus size... they also have a lot of dress-up clothes, but dh isn't really into that) . I dress very modestly and wearing a lacy thong or some other crazy pantie underneath is kind of fun and makes DH always ready to see what's underneath my skirt! haha The more modest on the outside, the more sexy underneath!!!
-When the kids go to bed, go in the bathroom and change into a nightie, splash hot water on your face (that is relaxing to me at least), do a few shimmies, and then go and surprise hubby.

Those are my pointers. Be playful and have fun. Even if you aren't "in the mood" sometimes if you just go do it, you'll find yourself having fun. And you'll be ready for it all to happen again soon.

Aubrey<3Gavin 01-24-2013 07:31 AM

Re: Sexy AND Mommy?
 
Some may find that this takes the "romance" out of it, but I find that scheduling our "fun time" helps me so much. It might at least help you get started in the right direction. I have such a hard time flipping the switch between mommy and sexy wife and I still am not doing well with spontaneous sex...I'm tired and get annoyed to be honest. But if we say, "Tomorrow after AB goes to bed we should make love," then I am anticipating it, which helps me get excited about it and makes flipping the switch so much easier.

Farmer's Wife 01-24-2013 11:52 AM

Re: Sexy AND Mommy?
 
Great advice mamas thanks! I also struggle sometimes although we still are intimate at least once a week. We used to do it 3-5 times a week between our babies and more than that before babies. I think it's all about how I feel about myself and my body. I don't feel like sex because I don't feel sexy because I have let myself go and gained weight that I don't like. DH is the same as he always was, it's me that's changed and I need to take time for myself and get back into the shape that I was so I feel good about myself. That's just my thoughts for my situation. :)

scwendy 01-24-2013 12:05 PM

Re: Sexy AND Mommy?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Aubrey<3Gavin (Post 16198755)
Some may find that this takes the "romance" out of it, but I find that scheduling our "fun time" helps me so much. It might at least help you get started in the right direction. I have such a hard time flipping the switch between mommy and sexy wife and I still am not doing well with spontaneous sex...I'm tired and get annoyed to be honest. But if we say, "Tomorrow after AB goes to bed we should make love," then I am anticipating it, which helps me get excited about it and makes flipping the switch so much easier.

This is more descriptive of my approach. After being gone for 10 hours for work, getting the kids fed and bathed, checking homework and then getting them to bed, and being 8 months pregnant with baby #5, annoyed doesn't begin to describe how I feel when randomly approached for sex.

I am such a planner due to being SO busy, and if I know sex is coming up, I enjoy it more.

Fortunately, my DH doesn't care how he gets it as long as he does (spontaneous or schedule) that it all works out.


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