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danielle 02-08-2013 12:03 PM

Irresponsible-ish Grandma
My lacking-in-common-sense MIL shares her big house with my SIL, who had her now-fiance move in. His name is Billy. He's a nice guy, in law school, takes an interest in my children, probably idk 30 years old.

When my MIL has my 4 year old over for a sleepover though, SHE is the person I am entrusting my daughter to. SIL and Billy are welcomed to goof around with my daughter, spoil her, have fun, etc. But
It has come around through random 4 year old remarks that sometimes MIL leaves my daughter with my SIL's childless, unmarried dude when she runs to the store. I don't like it. Not one little bit.

What do you think? Does Grandma deserve an explanation for why we don't want her leaving our daughter behind?

s@hmommy 02-08-2013 12:08 PM

Re: Irresponsible-ish Grandma
I don't try to explain my reasons to my in laws any more. They never agree, and make a huge deal of it. I just say this is how I want things with MY kids or not at all, ok? On the rare occasions they question me now (this took 5 years to reach this point) I just say because this is what I have decided and leave it at that.

Nerissa 02-08-2013 12:12 PM

Re: Irresponsible-ish Grandma
Bascially it is your child and you can do what you wish. I think she definalty does deserve and explination of why you feel that way.

Maybe I am way more laid back but I really don't see what the big deal is. Is MIL leaving your kids with him for hours or is it really just 15-20 min to go to the store.

Have you met the guy--you say he is a nice guy, what part about him makes you think he is a child molester. Just because he doesnt' have kids doesn't mean he doesn't know how to handle them.

My future BIL is awsome with kids. He has a million nieces and nephews but no kids of his own.

Just because you think your daughter is a dream to take to the store doesnt mean MIL does.

Mommy to Eli and Baby#2 02-08-2013 12:15 PM

Re: Irresponsible-ish Grandma
A simple "we are not comfortable with it" should suffice. If pressed, I'd probably say we are not familiar enough with him at this stage and we expect that when she is left with Grandma, she is supervised by Grandma.

However, how uncomfortable are you? Are you getting a bad vibe or is it more of a principle thing? Because I'm sure there are times when MIL takes a shower or goes to move the laundry around and your DD would be accessible to this guy. So is the issue the overstepping of the MIL by leaving her in his care without your consent or is it a concern for her safety?

If it's the boundaries thing, I'd mention it as above to MIL and then work on getting to know your soon to be BIL better so you can put your concerns to rest.

sma123 02-08-2013 12:22 PM

I agree with you completely... I would be furious if my kids were left with some guy. Whether he seems nice or not doesn't mean squat when it comes to trusting him with your kids. Most people who abuse/moleste kids seem very nice...

mibarra 02-08-2013 12:28 PM

Re: Irresponsible-ish Grandma
I wouldn't even go there with the molestation. If I leave my child in YOUR care, then, barring emergencies, I expect you to care for them. Not leave them with someone else. I would just say that, and maybe that you like Billy, but you don't really know him that well yet, and you leave her there to spend time with Grandma. Ya know?

danielle 02-08-2013 12:35 PM

I'm a laid back person and not a worrier. I also don't usually stand on principle. As I said, Billy is a nice guy. He is also not family and not a trained caregiver.

I've done some editing because you ladies (most of you anyway) are right. No explanations necessary. Our way or the highway, pick your exit. You want more answers, go to Radio Shack. It's amazing how people tend to claim some kind of dominion over my daugher. Irritating.

Hungry Caterpillar 02-08-2013 12:48 PM

I think throwing in worries of molestation, while valid, may sink your point a little bit because an unreasonable person will just focus on "hysteria."

The point is that you have carefully chosen a person as a caregiver and that person is not Billy. Billy may be a perfectly acceptable caregiver but you don't know that, you haven't explored it and don't wish to at this time, and the choice of care giver is a choice you feel strongly should rest with you and only you. It's inappropriate that the choice was not yours in this situation.

scwendy 02-08-2013 12:51 PM

Re: Irresponsible-ish Grandma
If simply telling MIL isn't enough, there would be no more sleepovers.

nestra 02-08-2013 12:59 PM

Re: Irresponsible-ish Grandma
My kid, my rules. To me this policy makes it easier on everyone. No need to explain or debate.

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