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Leaner 03-02-2013 07:47 AM

Another Gender Disappointment Thread
We finally (at 24 weeks) found out that baby #4 is another girl. 4 girls for us and this is it. The end of our childbearing years. I am heartbroken. DH? Not even a little. I really wanted a son, I've always wanted boys, instead I will have 4 girls. 4 girls. It hasn't sunk in totally yet. (only been 2 days since we found out).

Everyone keeps telling me that it is ok to mourn the loss of the son I'll never have.... how do I do that? How can I allow myself to be sad when I have a healthy baby girl in there?

With #3 (who was supposed to be the very last baby) we didn't find out. I suffered from PPD I think, I was just sad all of the time for weeks after her birth. Nothing about it went how I wanted.

I don't want to have that happen again. But I am really concerned that it will.

l_Kimmie_l 03-02-2013 08:38 AM

Re: Another Gender Disappointment Thread
I have 4 boys. I would not have it any other way now. I did want a girl when pregnant. It was my last baby and while I was extremely happy to have a healthy little boy in there, I mourned the loss of never having a daughter. No dresses, none of the cute little girl clothes. I completely understand where you are coming from.

mibarra 03-02-2013 09:30 AM

We are expecting girl #3 in 5 weeks. This is following a miscarriage which I am of course now convinced was the only boy I'll ever have. I cried all the way home from my ultrasound. I cried randomly for a month. Be sad about it when you need to be. Let yourself feel happy too. Closer to my due date I am now feeling mostly happy and rarely sad. Even though I was sad about gender, that doesn't diminish my love for my little girl. :)

abunchoflemons 03-02-2013 09:34 AM

Re: Another Gender Disappointment Thread
i have 2 girls & assumed 3rd woluld be too but not. sorry for those disappointed in genders. i would have been happy with 3 girls too... or if only 2 kids both girls.

birdinhand 03-02-2013 09:51 AM

Re: Another Gender Disappointment Thread
This is a 4th boy for us, and I actually felt relief, I think -- I am so happy to have another boy. My current "LO" if you can call him that is 7. I didn't think we would ever have another baby, and I really longed for one, for all that time. So I am thrilled we get this opportunity. In a way, too, I had a feeling if we hada girl, it would be so much easier for my boys to look back and call her spoiled and be resentful -- she would need all new toys, clothes, own room, etc.

But this is not about me. I think it is perfectly realistic to mourn the loss of the son who is not there, not blame or feel sad about the girl that is, if that makes sense -- one doesn't negate the other. You would have loved to have a son, he didn't come, you are getting a girl. It kind of reminds me of when a mama loses a twin in utero -- you are sad because one is missing, but you feel guilty being sad because one is still there, thriving.

I agree, give yourself some time. It is perfectly normal to feel sad and loss over not having a son. It doesn't have to mean anything about the sweet little baby girl growing inside of you. <3

jessicanashville 03-02-2013 10:11 AM

Re: Another Gender Disappointment Thread
I was sad too...this is my last pregnancy and I will never have a daughter. I am coming to terms with it and I know I will love this baby but I still get randomly down. You for sure aren't the only one who has felt like this... Hang in there :)

mrspopo 03-02-2013 11:06 AM

Re: Another Gender Disappointment Thread
I had a lot of gender disappointment with my first and stumbled upon the GD forum at in-gender. It's been really helpful for me to hear from other mamas that feel the same way. And it is very true... a lot of people find comfort in mourning the loss of the son that never was. It's ok, and it's separate and different from the joy of the new baby. It looks different for different people, so I can't tell you what to do or feel.

Congratulations on a healthy little baby! I'm so sorry you didn't hear boy :(

MrsCrafty 03-02-2013 01:38 PM

Re: Another Gender Disappointment Thread
Congrats on your girl! I really think sometimes this is why its so good to find out gender before birth. Gives you a chance to process it. :hugs: I was super excited to find out I'm having a girl, but I would really like to have another boy.

ambie719 03-03-2013 08:55 PM

Re: Another Gender Disappointment Thread
:hugs: I'm so sorry. I have 3 boys and DH just had a vasectomy done last month and I have been depressed ever since. I just can't accept that I'll never have a daughter, and of course I torture myself thinking that my 2 miscarriages were my only chances for a girl. I'm honestly not sure its something I'll ever be able to come to terms with or "get over".

leyash 03-04-2013 07:57 AM

Re: Another Gender Disappointment Thread
this is boy 4 for us as well. i cried for a few days after we found out. especially because at around 17 weeks, we had been told girl. i even bought her coming home outfit. ...


when we found out it was a boy, i felt like i had disappointed everyone, including DH. i felt like i had let him down, because evidently i am incapable of giving him a girl. he said he didn't care. i felt like "no one is going to be excited about this baby because it's JUST another boy... we already have three, who cares?"

as time gets closer, i am so excited. will be 31 weeks in a couple of days, and i can not WAIT to bring him home. i've ordered his home coming outfit, gotten some cute clothes for him, picked out his carseat, bed, etc. i am just meant to be a mama to boys. God probably knows that a girl would do me in, and lead me to a nut farm.

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