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Maddalena 04-01-2013 06:51 AM

gender disappointment?
I'm feeling VERY guilty but hubby and I are mourning the little girl we always dreamed we'd have. We named her olivia..
But she is a he. And of course we LOVE HIM SO MUCH! We just csnt believe we will NEVER have a little girl....ever. I'm too high risk and too old to be trying for another and we aren't candidates to adopts because I have a 14 year old who's autistic and very violent at times.
How do we move on from mourning Olivia so we can enjoy this little one more?

todzwife 04-01-2013 07:28 AM

Re: gender disappointment?
I just wanted to give you a hug and tell you I get it. This is #4 (and final) for us and we were ALL hoping for another boy to even things out and give DS a brother. My MIL made it very clear that THEY were hoping for a boy, my parents were hoping for a boy...

And it's another girl. I knew it was from early on. This is the first time I've gotten it right. I kept warning DS to just assume it's a girl until proven otherwise but he was still disappointed at the u/s. It took him a few days to come around and it broke my heart. I felt like I failed him.

It's not that I'm NOT excited to have another girl, I'm just sad I'll never have another son.

mommabritt 04-01-2013 07:34 AM

Just wanted to pop in a tell you your NOT alone! These feelings are so common!

When I learned my ds3 was going to be a boy I was devastated. Then I felt horribly guilt on top of that for feeling disappointed about a HEALTHY baby! Just let yourself feel what you need to, it's okay to grieve the thought of a girl. :hugs:

Mom2Connor 04-01-2013 07:39 AM

We are having our second boy and I am soo excited now, but it took months to not be sad about it. DH turns 40 this yr and I really don't think I want a third (I know he doesn't) so I think this is it for us. Even if we were guaranteed a girl for number 3, which is of course not possible naturally, I don't think we want a third child.

gingerpeachee 04-01-2013 12:06 PM

Re: gender disappointment?
Pregnant with baby boy #3. My husband says he is D-O-N-E. And he's a SAHD so I really feel like he gets the Veto power here. The worst part is that he has wanted a girl since baby #1. When we go to the mall he's always pointing out cute little girls or little fuffy dresses. He just always wanted a daughter to spoil. So I feel like I've failed him. He tells me how much he wants a girl and then tells me no more babies in the same breath. UGH! I love my boys. I love how they play and I'm excited to see how the third one falls into the mix. I am really sad that I'll never get to be mother of the bride and I'll always be the mother in law. I shouldn't think like this, but I really feel like being the mother of your grandchild's father makes you the second string grandma. Women naturally look to their mom for advice in mothering. But it is what it is and I'm just going to have to learn to be sweet and less pushy and hopefully my brother will let me buy dresses when he has daughters.

Maddalena 04-01-2013 08:37 PM

Thank you ladies for your support here. I've been feeling awful about feeling disappointed!

karikos 04-01-2013 09:19 PM

Re: gender disappointment?
You're not alone. We find out in two weeks what this baby is and I've felt since before I knew for sure I was pregnant that it was a boy. I'm pretty sure I have myself convinced it is definitely a boy. We have a boy name picked out (I have since I was younger) but since I picked the boy name, DH is supposed to be picking the girl's name and he's slacking. I'm slacking on encouraging him to do it because I just feel that this baby's a boy and it won't be needed. :/

This means Murphy's Law pretty much guarantees it's actually a girl, LOL.

There will definitely be some feelings of disappointment on my part, and DH's, if it's a girl but we will love her anyway and get over it quickly, there's no doubt. Plus, then I get to pick out the pretty PINK cloth diapers and pick out more exciting clothes!

lynn97 04-01-2013 10:43 PM

:hugs: I don't think you are alone at all, OP. I have had a lot of gynecological issues so this will be our last pregnancy too. We have one DS and I desperately wanted a little girl. We are fortunate and I am having a girl but I know I would feel just like you do if this were another boy. We just found out the sex 2 weeks ago and I was mentally preparing myself for never having a daughter.

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

Leaner 04-02-2013 08:42 AM

Re: gender disappointment?
Pregnant with girl #4. I am mourning the son I will never get to have (I'm older and we're 100% done).

mrspopo 04-04-2013 12:19 AM

Re: gender disappointment?
This is an entire forum dedicated to Gender Disappointment.

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