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-   -   I am a horrible mom (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1510091)

Mara'sMommy 04-19-2013 06:27 PM

I am a horrible mom
 
As I type this I'm just sitting here crying. My toddler is out of control and I can't fix the situation. She does not listen. To anything. You ask her to come here so you can dress her and she runs in the opposite direction. She doesn't nap, wakes up 3+ times at night screaming, and does not sit down for a second from the time she wakes up until she passes out at night. She gets into, tears apart, destroys, trashes and messes everything up. I can't do it anymore. All I do is yell and threaten. I have resorted to spanking and getting physical because I'm at my last rope. I get no breaks and parent 24/7 including all the night wakings. DH works and goes to school full time. He's never home. I also have a 6 1/2 month old. I'm lost. I am ready to have a nervous breakdown.

mibarra 04-19-2013 06:56 PM

How old? Are you consistent with discipline? Have you thought about an OT evaluation?

Sarah-B 04-19-2013 07:00 PM

The Happiest Toddler on the block DVD has helped my best friends kids, the 2 3 yr old twins I watch & my neighbors 4 yr old.
I would look into this.
Hugs mama

happysmileylady 04-19-2013 07:01 PM

Re: I am a horrible mom
 
How old is this toddler? Two and a half? 18 months? Approaching preschool age?

Mama, you are NOT a horrible mom. This is how toddlers are! They have NO impulse control. None. Sometimes, we tend to go into parenthood thinking "MY kids aren't going to be like that, I am going to be doing things the right way." Many times we don't even realize we are thinking that because it's somewhere in the back of our minds, not even really a conscious thought. And then when our kids really ARE that way, we think we failed. Or, when we don't instinctively know how to deal with it, we think we failed.

The reality is that a LOT of the things that we do that we think have HUGE impacts on our kids and how we are raising them....just don't. You didn't do ANYTHING to make your kid this way...and there's isn't ANYTHING wrong with your kid either. She is being 100% completely normal and behaving in a totally age appropriate way.


NOW, having said all that (and I hope it made you feel better, it's all true,) that doesn't mean that her behaviors don't need to be addressed.

more later, baby crying...

alaskamum 04-19-2013 07:02 PM

Re: I am a horrible mom
 
I wanna just give you a hug.
If it makes you feel any better:
my ds just turned 4, he had about a full year there where I ranged from wondering if he was deaf, to wondering how long it would be before he ended up in jail. He recently and suddenly matured out of that phase, thank God. He suddenly became the sweetest little guy again.
My dd1 is 16 months younger than him, she seems to be starting that phase, but at least I feel a little more in control of it since it is the second time around.
I have found that NOT talking, or only saying things once and then physically acting on it is most effective. I know it's hard with a baby (I have a 7 month old too). Like when you say, "it's time to get dressed" say it once, and then set the baby down, grab her and dress her, without saying anything else. You can show her you are in charge and mean business without yelling (and yes I have done my share of yelling, but obviously it doesn't work or else we wouldn't have to keep yelling, right?), b/c yelling just stresses US out and doesn't accomplish anything.
Think about if a cop pulled you over for speeding, what is more effective...if he walked up to your car and started freaking out at you (you'd probably laugh) or if he was totally serious, quiet, and handed you a ticket?
PM me if you want to talk any more....

TJR2119 04-19-2013 07:12 PM

Re: I am a horrible mom
 
:hugs: You are not a horrible mother. You have a relatively new person that she has to share you with. She could be acting out because she is overtired, reacting to changes, wants attention, etc.

Have you put a baby gate in front of her room? Try using one to enforce a rest time. Set up a timer and tell her she can not leave her room until it goes off. Even if she doesn't nap (although depending on her age she should be napping still).
:hugs:

pinktoes 04-19-2013 07:14 PM

My DS did better when I started playing visualization relaxation stories for kids before bed.
When he was in that phase he had so much emotion he couldn't control himself and couldn't calm down.
It's okay to just step away from the toddler for a few minutes to calm down. Even if she doesn't nap, she still should have quiet time either laying with you or playing with a special QUIET time only you. Gives YOU a break. I say "mommy needs quiet time too". Schedule the toddlers quiet time when the baby will be napping.

Do you have any family in the area? A friend that can come over? Preferably who has small children so she can reassure you that you aren't crazy.

Leanbh 04-19-2013 07:26 PM

Re: I am a horrible mom
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TJR2119 (Post 16514099)
:hugs: You are not a horrible mother. You have a relatively new person that she has to share you with. She could be acting out because she is overtired, reacting to changes, wants attention, etc.

Have you put a baby gate in front of her room? Try using one to enforce a rest time. Set up a timer and tell her she can not leave her room until it goes off. Even if she doesn't nap (although depending on her age she should be napping still).
:hugs:


^^^^I did a baby gate in front of room for my then crazy toddler/ods. Super strong willed, still is at 9 but at least understands the consequences now.


Sounds like you have your hands full with no breaks :( Can you at least get out for an hour or so a week, friend babysit etc. I think I go crazy when on my own too long.


Take away a ton of toys/stuff that she trashes to make life simpler. Let her play nice with a few toys first until she learns to tidy up, treat them nicely.

I would start with a few simple rules until she has mastered those like clear her plate, tidy up toys etc. She will learn....

Mara'sMommy 04-19-2013 07:29 PM

Thank you everyone..

She's almost 26 months old. I am consistent with disciple. She gets time outs (one warning, time out for two minutes, explination why she got put in time out, tell her I love her and back at it). This does not work. Threatening time outs does not work. Taking things away does not work... yelling does not work. Spanking does not work. If I tell her "Mara, please stop putting soap in your sisters eyes" she looks at me, and proceeds to do it again. I am just lost. I lost my cool with her tonight after an hour and a half of messing around to go to bed (she is normally very very good about going to sleep. Its just the frequent night wakings that are an issue). I feel so overwhelmed. I supposed its all normal toddler behavior and testing boundaries but when do I get peace? I am cleaning up all the folded clothes she tore down as I'm changing her sisters diaper and she's in her room testing everything out of her closet. This is daily. And we get out and do a lot. I walk with them to the park almost daily...

mibarra 04-19-2013 08:15 PM

DD2 is about 27 months and is exactly the same!!!! We've had to be "big meanies" for almost a month to make any headway with her. It is age, but like others said still needs to be addressed. Some things we do:

1) Try not to say No unless we mean You seriously better stop that right this second or else, so she knows its serious.

2) If we say stop and she doesn't, we take it away. Oh the hysterical screaming! But its all that works, and after doing it for awhile now see can say Stop or I'll take it away and it works.

3) Choices choices choices: pick your pajamas or mommy will, do you want to walk to bed or daddy carry you

4) Keep discipline explanations short and simple: You are in time out for hitting mommy, hitting hurts. The more you talk about it the less they listen.

5) Find some way to get a break for your own sanity. Maybe daycare one day a week or something, its SO refreshing!!

Its a rough age, especially with a strong willed LO. I feel like a failure with mine at least once a day!!


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