01-04-2013, 11:51 PM
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: central vermont
Books on Communicating effectively?
So I have this DH who has a hard time communicating with anyone older than a 5th grader. Bless his heart.
His biggest problem is he makes very few, if any, inferences or assumptions. Maybe the second biggest problem is he has very hard time prioritizing probabilities/possibilities (he gives no more weight to something likely to happen than something that could never happen; they all have the same value to him).
Now I know. People just love to tell you how "assume makes an a$$ out of u and me," but the reality is that most people have conversations that are just loaded with inferences, references, and all out assumptions based on previous experience. Your brain is mnemonic. It works precisely on references to previous stored data. If you actually had to talk to someone and tell them every single definition/value/property/element of every single concept you spoke about, you'd be ready to shoot that person. Feel my pain.
We had a conversation about privacy (ours) and the internet (few weeks back). I asked him not to use our physical address and our home phone number on every single stupid webpage he stops at just because they ask for it. I gave some examples and I said I noticed some of our info ending up in a google search when that didn't used to be the case (because I am always careful what I put out there).
He tells me today that that whole conversation was about him not filing out PAPER forms IRL. So he has these forms he has to fill out for his spring semester in college and he's wondering what he shoould put in the address and phone fields? ME: Umm...your address and phone number? HIM: No. You told me I couldn't do that. <queue the tires skidding on the pavement sound>
Ok. No. Beyond the fact that he didn't listen to what I said (there's a surprise), he got some whole other concept out of that conversation, and, quite frankly, a concept that makes no sense. So I say, well honey obviously I wouldn't tell you to not fill out forms IRL the right way. So he says, how am I supposed to know that? ME: Ummm...because it is a far-fetched idea? HIM: how am I supposed to know it is far-fetched? ME: Ummm....because you are 37 years old and have previous experiences that should set off alarm bells in your head if you heard me say anything that crazy? HIM: How am I supposed to know that? ME: Ummm...because you ask questions before a conversation ends if you think something is that oddball? and on and on.
What he really wanted was for me to say that I didn't explain the aforementioned conversation well enough for him to understand so it isn't his fault he misunderstood. I won't bore you with those details...anyhoo.
So DH is a voracious reader so I was thinking maybe there were some cool books on how to communicate better that you could suggest. Maybe someone here is a communications professor or has taught a class for years on communicating or you're a voracious reader too and you found one that is just the thing.
I am clearly the village idiot and I need some help. TIA.
Yvonne (43), WAHM,
, DH (37)
, RJ (3.5yrs)
, VL (2.5yr)
Last edited by JAG's baby mama; 01-04-2013 at 11:59 PM.