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Old 01-17-2013, 10:32 AM   #6
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Kiliki
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Formerly: kr***y
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: S/o what discipline works in YOUR family???

My ODD is super duper stubborn and I feel like I am constantly struggling to get something that works with her. Spanking does not do much for her, in fact, it only makes her behavior more out of control. She needs to be reasoned with. But she is SO STUBBORN that there are times that no amount of reasoning will work. And that is when I am at a loss. She will also be completely defiant sometimes, which is really hard to deal with because 90% of the time, her defiance comes from pure motives, not from trying to misbehave - she disobeys because she really ACTUALLY thinks the parent telling her what to do is wrong, and her way is right. So that makes it hard for me. Probably b/c I am SO VERY MUCH the same. :headbang: I see my mirror image in her. Taking away toys does not work, taking away privileges doesn't work very well.... she has a chart that gets stickers for good behavior. Sometimes she cares about it, sometimes not. It's always a battle to think of creative ways to parent her....

My DS is sensitive. Spankings work for him. But we rarely, if ever have to spank him. He is so sensitive, that just scolding him typically gets a point across pretty well. Occasionally - very rarely, maybe once every 2-3 mos - he gets so worked up about something that only spanking will bring him back to reality and allow him to reason with us. But more often than not, just saying "Hey, don't do that b/c of XYZ." will get a, "Ok mom! Sorry!" response. He's by far our easiest child.

Our YDD is much like our ODD so far. I wish they'd have gotten my husband's mellow personality. She is not even 2 yet, so she is hardly ever spanked. We more often use "time outs" or distraction with her. She can't yet reason, but we do try to explain things in very simple terms ("No, that's HOT! OWIE!") for her. We know she will catch on eventually. We have swatted her bum through her cloth diaper once or twice b/c she didn't come when we were calling her, and clearly understood what we were asking of her. She gets 3 of 4 warnings not to touch things and then we lightly pop her hand if she goes for it again. That's the extent of her "discipline" at this age. Same as it was for all our kids. But we can already see that YDD is very independent, and she has a very hard time not having her way. She has meltdowns when she is told "no" and so we take her and put her on her bed in her room and leave and close the door until she calms down. I am hoping she mellows out a bit before she gets older. I worry it will be a rough go with her, like it is w/ODD.

we have come up with some interesting discipline methods before....

Once when the two older kids refused to go to sleep, we made them get up and exercise. LOL. They had to do jumping jacks, butterfly kicks, run around in circles, push ups, etc. It's amazing how quickly they were ready to go back to bed!

If they abuse a toy, I try to take it away, but I find this ineffective b/c we have enough toys that they just move on to another thing. And our house is small. Trying to find a place to store a toy is harder on ME than it is on them.

I once, when my DD refused to clean her room, and had HOURS to do it, took all the toys, bagged them up, and made her take them to the Goodwill donation truck (I drove her there, obviously, but she had to get out and hand it to the lady). I was SO irritated with her defiance that day. I wish I could say it worked. I threaten to take her toys and she just pitches a fit. She doesn't actually CARE about losing the toys. Which makes it hard.

Typically, positive reinforcement works really well for our two older kids. "Thank you so much! You are being SO HELPFUL!" really loudly so the other one can hear, will often get the one who is being a bit difficult to step it up a little. Each older kid has a "behavior chart" and when they do something exceptional (clean when not asked, don't whine when they typically would whine, share nicely, etc) we give them a sticker. When they fill up the chart, they get to go to the Dollar Tree and pick out a toy. I put numbers on the chart and cover each number with a sticker. So they can see how many they have, and how many left to earn. This will often help with their behavior, esp with my DS. My DD sometimes just doesn't care. If someone is especially naughty, I will take the entire chart away for a day or two. Sometimes I'll take a sticker or two off for bad behavior.... It works, but it is sometimes difficult to implement, esp with my ODD. Her thing is "I brushed my teeth, can I have a sticker?" .... "No, honey, you NEED to brush your teeth to stay healthy. But thank you for doing it!" .... and then a meltdown ensues.

Ugh typing this out makes me tired. LOL
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