controling attitude and anger?
Im not usually an angry person. In fact, before kids I was often described as extremely easy going and level headed.
Then I had Kara. That child is a *handful*. She pushes every single button I have, every single day until I explode.
I dont know how to control it. I yell at her and tell her to just go away. Which I feel awful about. I dont consciously yell, it just spills out with no warning. Ive never been a yeller...in fact before kara I could count on one hand the number of times I had ever raised my voice at someone.
I have a horrible attitude with her. I expect her to get under my skin. Even when she is being good, im always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Which leads me to over react to trivial things. I cant even effectively correct the behavior because my first reaction is to just yell.
I get so frustrated with her, that I yell at the other girls for no reason.
When I tell her no, or stop her from doing something wrong she whines. WHINES and cries like nothing i have ever heard before. Its not normal childhood whining. Which gets on my last nerve and makes me even angrier.
I try to just walk away, but she follows me. Even locking myself in the bathroom doesnt work...she lays on the ground outside the door and continues whining through the gap at the bottom of the door.
I have tried everything I can think of. Whispering, walking away, ignoring her, spanking her, taking away things, sending her to bed, time outs, everything I can think of.
She only acts this way for me. Everyone thinks im over reacting except dh who has seen her in action.
I know part of it is that im not very maternal and hate being at home with the kids past a year old. I also dont particularly like kids past a year old, except for a select few, lol. Im not happy at the moment but I should be able to hide that from my kids. It doesnt excuse my behavior.
Going back to work is not an option. I do wah, but sometimes I think that makes it worse...trying to get that stuff done too while watching the kids.
My oldest is starting to pick up on my attitude and copy it...which is not ok.