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Old 01-24-2013, 11:47 PM   #63
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Re: Five days ago my daughter requested a hair cut...

Quote:
Originally Posted by raisingcropsandbabies View Post
Seriously Hate? That seems extreme unless she was that controlling in every area of your life and even then "hate" is a harsh word. As for resenting... I don't know, I think that we will all make mistakes as mothers with our kids and pray when they are mothers, they will understand this and let a lot of things go. My mom made plenty of mistakes with me, but love and forgiveness covers them. Sometimes we are "danged if we do and danged if we don't"... maybe I would have been upset at my mom if she didn't let me have my hair short when I wanted it, but as a teen and young adult I was upset she let me have it that short! As an adult, I just get a twinge of sadness when my children think I'm a boy when they see me in pictures. Also, side question: do you have dress codes with your kids? Like "no boxers showing" "no miniskirts", etc...

I think when my daughter starts "blossoming" and you can obviously tell she's a girl; I'll let her decide if she wants it at her shoulders (that's the shortest I'll allow...we farm and ponytails are practical). Until then I'll stick to my longer hair rule (passed shoulders) and hope she doesn't hate me for it. I actually hope it's not even as issue! haha.
Yes I hate that she controlled my hair requiring me to spend hours washing and caring for it when I didn't want it. I was always "that girl with the long hair", but that wasn't who I was. I couldn't be anyone else because my mother wanted to live out some ideal image of feminine beauty through me. I was hot and miserable and I hated my hair but she didn't care how I felt about it she only cared that the hair stayed. My hair never matched my image of myself and there was nothing I could do about it. I simply wanted the same freedom every other person had, to change my hair.

My sons are occasionally confused for girls. I suppose by your argument I should force them to keep their hair short so that never happens. It would certainly be easier to keep up their hair if I just shaved their heads though to be honest Kearnan is confused for a girl even with short hair. I would rather risk the very small chance that Kearnan will look back and say "why did you let me look like a girl?" when I can answer "Because you wanted to wear your hair that way and I was honoring your wishes." I have dealt with a child heartbroken because he didn't want his hair cut short, I've dealt with the screaming at the hair salon. I just don't think it is worth it nor do I truly believe either of my boys are going to be upset that I let them wear their hair the way they wanted to when they were children. I have spoken to far too many people who felt the opposite, resentful towards their parents for not letting them express themselves as children. As for clothes I'm pretty lenient about those too. My youngest frequently wears girls clothes because that is what he likes. I don't buy things with Angry Birds, Sponge Bob or really obnoxious sayings/curse words on them but other than that they are pretty much free to choose their own clothes. I don't think it has ever occurred to them to sag their pants but since we are a punk/nerd house it probably won't happen.
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ShannonInk'd, Atheist, Liberal, Part Time Large Equipment Mechanic, HS-ing, Mum to ASD Ninja Kearnan (8-4-01) & Derby Boy Tharen (12-1-05)
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