Re: daycare misgivings
Have you ever been there to visit the daycare? perhaps you should take the extra time to do some of the drop offs and pickups to help make the decision. i realize it is an hour away but this is my suggestion to you.
smoking in front of the kids would be a deal breaker. but if the lady only smokes outside, WHEN is she doing this? When the kids are playing outside and she is still around them? I hope she is not taking smoke breaks and leaving the kids unattended inside.... To me, if you feel that you are going to leave anyway, I would straight out ask this provider. Have you been in the home? does the whole house reek? Maybe she is not smoking inside but someone else who lives there is? leaving the furniture and such smelling and exposing your daughter to all that, ewwww.
the diaper rash would not be a deal breaker unless it was very severe or over the top. as a daycare provider, it seems like most of my daycare kids do seem to have bouts of diaper rash that come up during daycare hours. With 8 kids in care, there is no way I can change the kids as often as parents at home can. Plus all of the kids sleep a lot better here than they do at home. If they soil their diaper during nap, I dont wake them to change. None of this results in horrendous rashes but it certainly does seem to pop up more here than at home. Another idea is perhaps an issue with the wipes being used at daycare.
The "bad" is not a deal breaker. Just because your daughter is saying it does not mean that she is being called bad at daycare or that she even heard it from the provider. She could have heard it one time from another kid and it just stuck in her head. This would not be a deal breaker for me because unless you are a complete hermit with no TV, your kids will pick up random stuff/words/habits from many different sources. It might be worth a quick, non-accusatory discussion with the provider about what you are hearing from your daughter and ask the provider how she addresses inappropriate behavior. Does she have a guidance/discipline policy? Does she know your preferences regarding this?