Living together before marriage. Yay or nay?

[Iliana]

My boyfriend and I are expecting. We are both divorced, and I have a a child from my previous marriage. Long story short: he wants us to move in with him to another place (my apartment and his are an hour drive and are too small to accommodate all of us). The problem is that I would like to have an idea if he would consider making a commitment in the future. His response was that "marriage would not change how he feels about me" (true, but it hurt. I felt rejected). He also mentioned that weddings "are expensive and just for show" (He had a lavish wedding, I on the other side got married at the courthouse and didn't even have a dinner or anything).

I have been reading about cohabiting and it seems it is a not a good idea. I feel a lot of pressure from family, friends and society to move in or marry him just because we are expecting. I would like to make that commitment for love. I do regret getting pregnant (it wasn't planned, and I was on the pill) because it has set this whole snowball in motion and i wanted to take things slowly.

[Samandy]

Yay. I think living together first is almost always a good idea.

[bonusround]

Originally Posted by Samandy Yay. I think living together first is almost always a good idea.

[beccatown]

The statistics for divorce are higher amongst those who co-habitate before marriage compared to those who don't.

[Iliana]

Originally Posted by beccatown I personally don't care what people do, but the statistics for divorce are higher amongst those who co-habitate before marriage compared to those who don't.

That's what I read. And quite frankly, it terrifies me. A divorce is one of the most scarring and lonely experiences you can go through, and I fear ending up alone with 2 children, divorced again. He seems very content about the idea of us living together and live a happy life; I, on the other side, am not so sure. (My lack of faith in life and love is just appalling).

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

Originally Posted by beccatown The statistics for divorce are higher amongst those who co-habitate before marriage compared to those who don't.

yeah but isnt it more likely that people who dont live together are religious and choose to not get divorced because of their religion

[MichelleKiley]

Originally Posted by KaleidoscopeEyes yeah but isnt it more likely that people who dont live together are religious and choose to not get divorced because of their religion

The divorce rate is actually nearly the same among "religious" groups as those claiming no religion. (About 50%)

[Puppydog]

Originally Posted by beccatown The statistics for divorce are higher amongst those who co-habitate before marriage compared to those who don't.

This is not true. This is information touted by most organisations who are against cohabitation before marriage for religious reasons.

My husband and I lived together for 3 years before marrying. The 6 months of our marriage have been harder then those 3 years because it is a change in mindset. BUT. We are so willing to work for what we have and fight to prevent it falling apart that we stand a good chance of making it.

Every relationship can work if both parties are willing to work at it and work darn hard at it.

[InBloomDoula]

Originally Posted by beccatown The statistics for divorce are higher amongst those who co-habitate before marriage compared to those who don't.

This exactly. With cohabitation, there is the temptation to never bother with marriage since you already live together and it is more convenient to just keep on living the way you already are. It may be a good idea to relocate closer together but not live in the same place.

[Dancingham]

Originally Posted by beccatown The statistics for divorce are higher amongst those who co-habitate before marriage compared to those who don't.

I would say that this has more to do with the fact that they aren't sleeping together before marriage, not just co-habitating vs. not co-habitating. I am a conservative Christian who waited until marriage (as did my husband) to sleep together. We didn't even kiss for the first time until we got engaged. He did live with my family for about half a year while sitting out of college for a semester, but he stayed in my brother's room, not mine.

So, basically, in my opinion, if you're already sleeping together, which is evidenced by the fact that you are expecting, then I see no difference with you moving in together. But, if you're having doubts, or doing it just for convenience, or because of the baby, and aren't sure about the long-term, and want some sort of commitment, I definitely agree with others that you shouldn't do it just yet, and that these are things that need to be discussed between the two of you.

Oh, and while it is true that the divorce rate in the church in just as high as those who aren't, I feel that this has more to do with letting distractions/circumstances affect the couple's relationship with Christ and each other. Divorce can sometimes seem like an easy way out compared to truly committing to a relationship with Christ, each other, and the family that you two have become.
As someone else said, sorry if I sound preachy, this is all my opinion.