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Old 01-18-2013, 09:45 AM   #1
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what do you allow your 8 year old to do??

i am flabbergasted at the things my BIL and SIL allow their 8 yr old to do. She's had her own digital camera since 5 (a nicer one than we have, mind you) and now she has her own cell phone and regularly texts people.

then i read some stories of 8 years olds going out on a date, entering "no getting fat" pacts with their friends, and having their own smart phones and laptops.

so, seriously... what do you allow your 8 year old to do? Do these things sound normal in your household? Or is this outrageous to you, too?
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Old 01-18-2013, 09:58 AM   #2
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Re: what do you allow your 8 year old to do??

No, my 8 yr doesn't do any of that stuff. She'd like her own camera and I do allow her to use ours accationally. If we had the money for it, I'd get her one of her own. She's very responsible and would be fine with a camera.

She has no interest in a cell phone. Probably has no clue what texting is - dh and I rarely text. She is always with us or another trusted adult with a phone so we see no need for her to have one of her own at this time. None of her friends have a phone and none of them call each other at all yet.

Dd1 has no concept of body image yet. She is very skinny but doesn't identify herself based on her looks yet. Neither does she pay any attention to others looks yet. And boys are still icky to her - she says she's not going to start dating until she's 27.
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Old 01-18-2013, 10:04 AM   #3
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Re: what do you allow your 8 year old to do??

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i am flabbergasted at the things my BIL and SIL allow their 8 yr old to do. She's had her own digital camera since 5 (a nicer one than we have, mind you) and now she has her own cell phone and regularly texts people.

then i read some stories of 8 years olds going out on a date, entering "no getting fat" pacts with their friends, and having their own smart phones and laptops.

so, seriously... what do you allow your 8 year old to do? Do these things sound normal in your household? Or is this outrageous to you, too?
You described my friend's daughter to a tee. Flash foward six years later and do you know how I describe her? She looks like a whore.
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Old 01-18-2013, 11:34 AM   #4
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Re: what do you allow your 8 year old to do??

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You described my friend's daughter to a tee. Flash foward six years later and do you know how I describe her? She looks like a whore.
whoa.


OP, I don't have an 8 yr old, but I do know an 8 yr old in a family that is close friends with us. And no, she is not like that at all. She is sweet and innocent, and she seems to feel a little self-conscious and awkward about herself. She makes jokes she thinks are funny, but sometimes aren't. We all laugh anyway because we don't want her to feel bad, but it's like 10 seconds later she realizes it wasn't funny and then is embarrassed.... she also asks strange questions.

That's the 8 yr old I know. Seems to be in an awkward phase, but she is totally sweet and loving and innocent. Nothing like what you are describing....

"never get fat" pact is just weird... and actually SAD. to me anyway.
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Old 01-18-2013, 12:30 PM   #5
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Re: what do you allow your 8 year old to do??

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whoa.


OP, I don't have an 8 yr old, but I do know an 8 yr old in a family that is close friends with us. And no, she is not like that at all. She is sweet and innocent, and she seems to feel a little self-conscious and awkward about herself. She makes jokes she thinks are funny, but sometimes aren't. We all laugh anyway because we don't want her to feel bad, but it's like 10 seconds later she realizes it wasn't funny and then is embarrassed.... she also asks strange questions.

That's the 8 yr old I know. Seems to be in an awkward phase, but she is totally sweet and loving and innocent. Nothing like what you are describing....

"never get fat" pact is just weird... and actually SAD. to me anyway.
My 8 yr olds were exceptionally confident children & were both on debate teams in elementary school. Many people thought they were 'too grown up' for their ages. They just had parents who loved letting them explore their interest & run with it! They were both class presidents throughout high school. My oldest is now 20 and her college is paid for through athletic & academic scholarships. My 18 yr old is a senior & currently choosing what scholarship offers to accept or decline. Not all permissive parents who dont have akward children are permissive in ways that harm their children - just food for thought
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Old 01-18-2013, 12:46 PM   #6
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Re: what do you allow your 8 year old to do??

DD1 just turned 9. She just got an iPod touch for Xmas. It is set up through dh's Apple account so any time she downloads an app, it pops up on his phone. She knows the rules, and in fact does more than we expect. She won't download anything without asking first and she has only wanted free games so far. She is allowed to text and has 2 friends she texts with. It isn't that often, a few times a week. She actually texts dh a lot more and that is totally fine with me. She knows that I check it and we have a very open communicative relationship.

As for dressing, there are no worries there. She loves pants and jeans and a shirt. She is a swimmer so for practice she has to wear a Speedo and she actually prefers one piece or tankini bathing suits. She doesn't even want a bikini, lol. Although, I have no worries if she does.

She knows about healthy eating and exercise for healthy bodies. We don't take about "being fat", but she know about overweight and obesity.....she can see it.

We are very open and honest with her and talk to her about many things. We teach her how to be a good person, respecting others, etc. We use every day experiences, shows, movies for learning experiences and talking points.

She hasn't reached the stage of being interested in boys more than friends so no worries about her going out on a date, lol. However, she has many friends that are boys and if she wants to do something with a boy then I have no problems with it. I'm surely not going to make a bigger deal out of something than there is.
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Old 01-18-2013, 01:55 PM   #7
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Re: what do you allow your 8 year old to do??

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Not all permissive parents who dont have akward children are permissive in ways that harm their children - just food for thought
I didn't say or imply anything bad about the girl, or her parents... or at least wasn't trying to... I certainly don't disagree with their parenting style, and they are not permissive imo. All kids have awkward stages they go through, it's not a bad thing, it's part of growing up.... I was just describing the 8 yr old that I know.

So your response to my post totally baffles me...

did you quote me on accident? Did I misunderstand your point here? Did you misunderstand my post?
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Old 01-19-2013, 02:14 PM   #8
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Re: what do you allow your 8 year old to do??

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I didn't say or imply anything bad about the girl, or her parents... or at least wasn't trying to... I certainly don't disagree with their parenting style, and they are not permissive imo. All kids have awkward stages they go through, it's not a bad thing, it's part of growing up.... I was just describing the 8 yr old that I know.

So your response to my post totally baffles me...

did you quote me on accident? Did I misunderstand your point here? Did you misunderstand my post?
I felt that you were responding to someone concerning some children turning into 'loose' or bad kids because of permissive parents & implying in your post that kids this age should be shy/quiet/akward. Perhaps I misunderstood? I was just pointing out that some parents are permissive in good ways & in our case being permissive parents with our 2 ODDs created confident outgoing young children that both turned out to be senior class presidents with perfect GPAs & college scholarships.
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Old 01-19-2013, 06:18 AM   #9
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Re: what do you allow your 8 year old to do??

Our daughter will be 8 in August and she has her own Blackberry Playbook, got it for Christmas from her grandfather our 6 year old son got one too, she also has an Ipod touch and a Nintendo DS.

Other than that she likes to dress in dresses but mostly like clothes from Aeropostale and American Eagle. My sister, only sibling, her aunt is 18 so she likes to dress like her. She looks up to her aunt and my sister is actually a pretty good role model.

She has a "boyfriend" they have been in school together since Kindergarten, but they don't date or kiss etc. It's more of a "I call him my boyfriend" they have been saying they are going to get married since Kindy. It's rather sweet and his parents also think so, he's VERY protective of her and since she has special needs (Epilepsy & Global Developmental Delay) it's kind of nice that she has someone to stick up for her.

She does not have a cell phone and will not be getting one until she is at least 14.

While she has I guess what some would consider a lot of tech toys she regularly plays with TMNT, Lego's, reads like Crazy, listens to music, plays outside, loves crafts and we bake together all the time. She also plays soccer and lacrosse.

She's still very much a kid and i wouldn't consider her to be growing up too quickly just because she has some technology available to her. BUT we are also biased since we live in the city where RIM was founded.
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Old 01-18-2013, 10:07 AM   #10
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Re: what do you allow your 8 year old to do??

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i am flabbergasted at the things my BIL and SIL allow their 8 yr old to do. She's had her own digital camera since 5 (a nicer one than we have, mind you) and now she has her own cell phone and regularly texts people.

then i read some stories of 8 years olds going out on a date, entering "no getting fat" pacts with their friends, and having their own smart phones and laptops.

so, seriously... what do you allow your 8 year old to do? Do these things sound normal in your household? Or is this outrageous to you, too?
I opened this thread thinking it would be about free-range parenting, and then I read your OP and just went...

So, no. The only one of those things we allow at eight (I have a seven and a nine year old) would be the camera. My DD was allowed to use my DSLR with supervision and we do have a little P&S the kids are allowed to use. No cell phone, no laptop, no texting, no dates, no "pacts."

My 8 yos are allowed to ride to the neighbour's to deliver eggs. They are allowed to walk in the back bush. They are allowed to "supervise" their younger sibling when I run to the barn. They are allowed to have sleep overs at friend's houses. They are allowed to cook/bake in the kitchen with little supervision. They are taught to use the remote and may with permission turn on the television and borrow a laptop to play a game. But not many of the things you listed.
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