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Old 07-23-2010, 03:02 PM   #1
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I'm sooo MAD!

Yesterday i had to go to a training class at our local pregnancy center as i am going to start teaching a cloth diapering class there . Well i left our 22 month old at home with my husband while i was at the class . Dh was 20 minutes late coming home thus making me 10 minutes late for class Ds was taking a late nap when i left as we had been at the water park all day and he was wore out . DD was staying the night at her grandmothers, so my DH only had to watch one SLEEPING child. Well i come home almost 3 hours later to a completely dark house and my almost 2 year old sitting in by the front door screaming mommy and crying only to find Dh asleep on the couch! I woke him up as asked him WTH was he doing asleep when Ds was awake and he said that ds was asleep and i said NO he was not he was sitting at the door screaming and crying ! He acted like it was no big deal then rolled over and went BACK TO SLEEP! I understand that he is tired that he worked all day but that is no excuse to not watch your own dang kid. I am sooo mad that i can't see straight. I have no clue how long ds was up by himself . He could have easily been hurt or worse. This is not the first time Dh has done a crappy job watching them last month i left him alone with the kids i was gone for almost 5 hours and dh had not changed ds the entire time i was gone ! The poor baby had pooped and it was there for so long that it had dried to his bottom and caused him to have a bleeding red raised rash for days! Then the last time he watched them my Ds got burned by a sparkler (who in there right mind gives a toddler a sparkler) I seriously think my 4 year old could do a better job than my dh. I just feel like i can't leave the kids with him any more . I just want to make him understand what a crappy job he has done watching them so he knows to do better , but he jut blows it off like its not a big deal or gets mad at me for calling him on it. I guess i just can't leave them with him anymore until he changes his attitude. Am i blowing it out of proportion ?

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Old 07-23-2010, 03:11 PM   #2
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Re: I'm sooo MAD!

No, you're not. I'm so sorry!

(I've seen other toddlers with sparklers, too, though, don't worry - not that I condone it, but your DH isn't alone.)

I think "making him see" where he's failed won't help you a whole lot. It makes sense to a woman's brain but to a guy he tunes us out because he's not being respected and appreciated. (Why should he be? He failed!!! right?) but somehow in order to get good results I think we kinda have to show the DH's that we believe they can produce good results.

I don't know how to get there, and I know it's SO hard to trust once that trust is broken, but I also know that in order for my DH to care - he has to believe (not just hear me say that I do) that I believe in him.

GL mama!!
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Old 07-23-2010, 03:13 PM   #3
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Re: I'm sooo MAD!

No way Mama that would piss me off too! My DH is not that bad but at time he will slip up. He will "doze" when DS is awake sometimes. It was more ok when we had the gate up so he couldn't go out of the living room but now we don't. He told me he did that last week, I told him DO NOT do that when he's walking around. If he's gonna "doze" then put up the gate. And he's had a couple times where he's "forgotten" to change his diaper for a long period of time. Ugh. Maybe you need to sit him down and talk to him in a non confrontational manner. OR find horror stories of things that happen when people aren't watching their kids and maybe that will scare the crap out of him!
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Old 07-23-2010, 04:09 PM   #4
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Re: I'm sooo MAD!

My God, his attitude is horrifying! I honestly think I would have hurt him for going back to sleep and acting like it was no big deal... I see no reason to make him believe you think he can do it when your child is at stake. He's a big boy and doesn't deserve to have his ego stroked when he can't take care of his kids! Your kids aren't newborns they're 4 and almost 2!!!! This isn't his first time! I don't give a rats behind how tired he is... he needs to care for his kid!!!!!
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Old 07-23-2010, 04:21 PM   #5
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Re: I'm sooo MAD!

I'm sorry mama. My DH use to not be as "with it" when watching the kids, but I kept on him until he got it. Now he does great.

Oh and maybe next time you find him asleep scare him. Say "WHERE IS MY BABY?! I can't find him!" after you put him where he is safe. See how fast he jumps up and maybe he'll get the idea that what he is doing isn't safe. J/K that might be too mean.

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Old 07-23-2010, 04:29 PM   #6
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Re: I'm sooo MAD!

Sounds a lot like my DH. SS Mama I like the first PP's take on the situation.
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Old 07-23-2010, 04:44 PM   #7
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Re: I'm sooo MAD!

I feel you! I came home at lunch today to nurse the baby to find her in the same diper I put on her last night. I think 16 hours is long enough in one diper. The dog had vomited on two spots on the carpet in the family room and the oatmeal, cheese and dishes were still out from this morning. I'm still seeing red.

Don't know what the solution is or the "right" thing to do, but sending a hug and glad your son is OK!
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Old 07-24-2010, 07:31 AM   #8
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Re: I'm sooo MAD!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jewelgurl137 View Post
I'm sorry mama. My DH use to not be as "with it" when watching the kids, but I kept on him until he got it. Now he does great.

Oh and maybe next time you find him asleep scare him. Say "WHERE IS MY BABY?! I can't find him!" after you put him where he is safe. See how fast he jumps up and maybe he'll get the idea that what he is doing isn't safe. J/K that might be too mean.

I dont think your idea is mean at all...sounds like the man needs to have the daylights scared out of him!
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Old 07-24-2010, 08:09 AM   #9
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Re: I'm sooo MAD!

And this is how kids are found wandering a busy street.
His attitude bugs me the most, like it's no big deal.
I'm assuming that this means you do 100% of all the care of your children. I hope he provides a good life financially, because other than that, what has he done for you lately?
I hate it when dudes see caring for their own offspring like they are "babysitting". Um, they are half yours too!
Argh. I hope it changes for you, mama.
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Old 07-24-2010, 12:23 PM   #10
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Re: I'm sooo MAD!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nakedbabytoes View Post
And this is how kids are found wandering a busy street.
His attitude bugs me the most, like it's no big deal.
I'm assuming that this means you do 100% of all the care of your children. I hope he provides a good life financially, because other than that, what has he done for you lately?
I hate it when dudes see caring for their own offspring like they are "babysitting". Um, they are half yours too!
Argh. I hope it changes for you, mama.
Yes I care for the children 100% of the time. My Dh works extremely hard to provide a good life for us . He travels A LOT so he is very rarely here most of the time . The only reason he has been here for the last moth or so is because the company he works for is done shutting down the power plant and has not started a new one yet. He has not been with our son a lot as he left for work two days after he was born and did not come back home until ds was almost 20 months old other than a few days here and there. I do care for the children all alone most of the time even if he is here,because we have our routine and i am use to doing it all alone. I think he has only ever given them a bath once.He has never taken them to the doctor or the emergency room for those late night visits nothing. Even when Ds had to go to little rock for medical issues after he was born my parents went with me, because he was gone off to work. I do everything that involves to kids and i am tired . I just wish that he would honestly get use to having kids. He is use to living with other adult men for work and when he comes home he expects the kids not to clime on him not to be loud when he is watching TV. Thinking he can watch what ever he wants when ever he wants no mater if the kids are awake or not (He has got better about that) . Even when he is home he is never here as he is off taking care of everyone else. He was raised by his grandparents and he loves them dearly One of his grandfathers died leaving his sick grandmother alone sohe comes when he is home he is over there fixing and doing things for her because there is no one else to. He is a really great guy, I just wish he would make more time for us.
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