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Old 07-23-2010, 09:07 PM   #1
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Dh put dd to bed for the first time

And I swear it was harder dealing with him than DD? She is 3 years old and typically nurses, then gets in her little bed or rolls over and goes to keep on her own. I nursed her, and we had planned all day for daddy to put her down to bed. First, he kept her up about an hour past her bedtime, then, he kept commentingnhow tired he is. I told him to stay awake until she fell asleep because he was right next to her and snores like a freight train (not good for her if she's trying to fall asleep). She whined for me and dh came and got me, I nursed her for a minute, then stayed in the room at her request. The whole time dh kept saying he wanted to just go to bed, he was too tired to deal with all this, etc (it wasn't even 9pm yet) can't you just do this, please, wifey, this isn't working (it had only been a half hour).

I told him that he is always too tired to do bedtime but that he has to because she needs to learn to go to sleep with him--baby #2 is coming and this must be done. Besides, she whined once, didn't cry, and was ok just a little unsure about the whole thing. For the first successful attempt of anyone else putting her to bed, that's pretty good.

So, to deal with dh's whining, I'm thinking we need to have him put her down twice a week. I know he really is tired but so am I--I know he doesn't want to do it, but he just needs to learn to do it. The whole ordeal was only <40 m and could have been achieved an hour earlier.

Am I wrong to expect him to do this? Someone needs to take some time to put her to bed, and I know he won't want to hold a screaming newborn who wants to cluster nurse at dd's bedtime. Tbh, I will miss putting her to bed, I love that snuggle time!

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Old 07-23-2010, 09:13 PM   #2
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Re: Dh put dd to bed for the first time

Wow, she is 3 and that was the first time?? I'd say its about time he stepped up. Especially if he is home! My DH's schedule varies so he is sometimes home for naps, sometimes for bed. Maybe even sharing bedtime routine would be a good transition for everyone. DH could get her changed, you could nurse her, he could read her a story, etc. Once he is used to it, then he could start taking over completely?? GL mama!
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Old 07-23-2010, 09:17 PM   #3
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Re: Dh put dd to bed for the first time

Dh always has said it's too hard because of the lack of breasts. I think it was an excuse to do his own thing, because all my bf friends husbands learned to do something. I've been out for an evening once since her birth because of this. He just wouldn't do it.
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Old 07-24-2010, 07:22 PM   #4
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Re: Dh put dd to bed for the first time

My DH was supposed to get DD2 to sleep for me when we were expecting DS2. Never happened. Good luck.
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Old 07-24-2010, 08:02 PM   #5
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Re: Dh put dd to bed for the first time

DH has been putting DS down for the past few months. When I put him down, we still nurse to sleep, but DS and DH have a different ritual. (DH reads him different books then sings to him in Latin until he goes down. )

It's definitely time for your husband to take charge of bedtime. Maybe they could have their own ritual? A special book? A bedtime song? Special pajamas? Counting sheep? Also, he needs to be serious about bedtime at bedtime unless you're out for a special occasion. Too many exceptions to the routine will just make his turn worse.

[edited to add]
It was definitely harder at first for DS and DH to work out their ritual, and the hardest part was sitting on my hands when DS cried, but the ability to have twenty minutes to myself was worth the temporary grief.

Last edited by Sleep deprived; 07-24-2010 at 08:06 PM.
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Old 07-24-2010, 10:04 PM   #6
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Re: Dh put dd to bed for the first time

My DH said that sometimes too [about the nursing] and still does. I agree he needs to be able to do this! It's definitely a different mix with another baby in the picture. My littlest one is 2 and still nurses as well.

For the most part my DH can finally put him to bed [but my 2 y.o. weaned himself from nursing to sleep for the initial bedtime.] We do cosleep, but it's still good for DH to able to comfort him and do the same in the event that I can't be there.

Through the middle of the night is different because Aaron only wants me to nurse and I'm doing CLW so I don't want to discourage night nursing. I work full time and that would be the end of the nursing relationship then. So I can handle the middle of the night. But it's so very nice to know that my DH can and now does step up to help.

But it took some "fighting" to get him to understand that it was going to happen!
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