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Old 03-03-2011, 06:52 PM   #1
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If I choose a different midwife, how to tell my prior one?

So, when I was newly pregnant with DS, I checked around and found a recommended midwife from some friends. But I never even got to call her on the phone, b/c she wasn't taking clients in that due-month b/c one of her children was getting married. (I communicated via email w/ her.) So I went with someone who she works closely with.

I liked her ok. She was nice. But there were just little things that could have been different w/ another provider. For one, she was significantly late to more than a few of my appointments. They were all in my home, but still. And the people I've spoken with who have birthed with both the one I used and the one I originally wanted, said that they prefer the one I wanted.

So, DH and I aren't pregnant yet, but I am thinking of possibly switching over to this other midwife. I'm going to call her at some point, just to set up a meeting and get a feel for her.

But if I choose her, I NEED to tell the other midwife, b/c there is a possibility that she will be at the birth, and I don't want her to be hurt if it's not until then that she finds out. So I'm thinking of calling her and telling her in a good news bad news sort of thing, like "hey, good news is I'm pregnant, but bad news is I've decided to try a different midwife this time. I love you to bits but I talked with ____ and just feel like I click a little better with her."

Or it could be a moot point and I'll end up just sticking with what I have, or my original mw will have something going on and won't be available anyway, lol. But if I do change, does that sound okay?

ETA 5/19 - So I met with the different midwife yesterday, and really REALLY like her, and not just b/c my friends like her. She just seemed easier to talk to, I don't know. So I'll probably try to go with her if I get pregnant. And I did ask her about switching midwives and she said that she and the other two that she regularly works with (which are both of the ones who were at my birth with DS) aren't in competition with each other and don't have any hard feelings if a client switches or whatever. So if I do get pregnant, I do think I will call my former one to let her know.

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Old 03-03-2011, 06:59 PM   #2
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Re: If I choose a different midwife, how to tell my prior one?

I think I would tell her ONLY because there is a chance she may be at your birth. You don't want any ackwardness in the middle of birthing. The way you described telling her sounds great too.

Your only other option would be to explain the situation to the new midwife and ask her to not invite the old midwife to the birth, etc.
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Old 03-03-2011, 07:01 PM   #3
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Re: If I choose a different midwife, how to tell my prior one?

Andrea, I got all excited bc I thought you were pregnant. I'm too sick to dole out advice!
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Old 03-03-2011, 08:52 PM   #4
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Re: If I choose a different midwife, how to tell my prior one?

I agree that you should only tell her IF she may be at the birth. Talk with the midwife that you choose and let her know what's going on, so she can tell you if you need to actually "fire" the other one. I fired my MW around x-mas over the phone and while it was weird, it felt really really good. I just wasn't feeling it with her, ya know? If you DO end up needing to tell her, just explain that you have more of a connection with the other one, it just feels right, you can visualize your birth experience with the new mw, etc. MWs dig all that "feeling" stuff. LOL.

And what is it with MWs being late? Every time my old MW came over she would say, "Today's the right day, right?" HELLO!!!
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Old 03-03-2011, 09:16 PM   #5
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Re: If I choose a different midwife, how to tell my prior one?

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And what is it with MWs being late? Every time my old MW came over she would say, "Today's the right day, right?" HELLO!!!
Oh, yeah, she did that too. Like I'd have an appointment on Saturday morning or whatever, and I'd just be going about my day, and she'd be late but didn't call or anything, and I'd be doing some stuff around the house, still waiting and wondering what was up. Then moments before I decided to finally give her a call, she'd call me back and have some reason why she forgot, and can she come over this afternoon instead. And I'm fairly easy-going so I'd always say sure, lol.
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Old 03-04-2011, 07:15 PM   #6
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Re: If I choose a different midwife, how to tell my prior one?

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Andrea, I got all excited bc I thought you were pregnant. I'm too sick to dole out advice!
me too! Good luck Andrea!

Did she not have any sort of feedback form for after B's birth...like a "how am i doing as your provider?"....i think she needs to know that her tardiness is an issue... jmo...but i do think you should tell her if you switch, to avoid awkwardness later.
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Old 03-04-2011, 09:05 PM   #7
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Re: If I choose a different midwife, how to tell my prior one?

No, she didn't have a feedback form, that I can recall. And it doesn't help that I'm non-confrontational, lol.

And sorry to get some of you all excited with a false alarm, LOL.
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Old 03-04-2011, 09:47 PM   #8
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Re: If I choose a different midwife, how to tell my prior one?

If it was me, I'd explain to the situation to the new midwife; it might be that she can invite somebody else to be her second at the birth (and might want to just to avoid awkwardness for all involved, herself included). I don't think you should have to tell your previous MW yourself/at all - much like changing a OBGYN or any other doctor. If you're not satisfied, you just move on.

I agree with others on the late thing. Mine was ALWAYS late (and I had to go to HER house!) and every time I got there, she was all, "So, how far along are you now?" Um, is this supposed to be a pop quiz to see if I know? Because you have my chart. You knew I was coming today. DO SOME PREP WORK. Doesn't exactly instill confidence.
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Old 05-19-2011, 02:32 PM   #9
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Re: If I choose a different midwife, how to tell my prior one?

Update in post 1.
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Old 05-19-2011, 03:24 PM   #10
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Re: If I choose a different midwife, how to tell my prior one?

I think it will be fine. I agree with those that say I'd only tell her because she may be at the birth. But I don't see why she would be offended as a professional. You are not insulting her work. People just click differently. I chose all my doctors not only on how we see on things but on how well we "click".
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