Diaper Swappers

Watercolor Ponies · 06-27-2006, 08:52 AM

Just a thought, but if you are planning on BFing, and you don't want to directly confront MIL about this, why not use that as an excuse? If dc gets hungry during your visit, the prison is surely not going to let you whip out a booby in the middle of a pack of men who have been caged up for years?! Tell her that it isn't your fault dc can't come, but you cannot bf in a prison. That will at least buy you some more time to get dh to nip this issue in the bud. And it is dh who needs to do this, not you. It is never good to have a DIL deal with MIL/FIL and vice versa with DH, kwim? Dh needs to put his foot down, and you give him (very loud) silent support

ahisma · 06-27-2006, 09:06 AM

Another thought - this *may* be the issue that makes MIL back off (eventually).

For us, it was church. Oddly enough, we went to church, just not every single week. MIL flipped when she found out we missed a Sunday and blew up at Sunday dinner. I wound up walking out, told her that I was DD's mother and I would make the decisions, and not to EVER question my parenting decisions unless she felt that DD was in serious danger. She didn't talk to me for about a month, but she has backed off ALOT since then. Before that, she was very controlling, and it was a real nightmare. It was really hard when we were going through it, and I did have the support of DH, and BIL&SIL as well, which helped. Sometimes though, the big blowout has to happen before things get easier. Church was a really hot topic with MIl, as she was seriously convinced that we would be condemned to h*ll because we weren't going to church regularly.

Also, since you do feel that this wouldn't be a one-time thing, and would likely continue indefinitely, it is important to think about the long-term repercussions. For an older child (preschool and up) who understands what prison is, the visits could be stigmatizing. Children are apt to "label" themselves s they attempt to sort out their place in the world. I'm not sure that it is a good idea for any child to associate themselves as the type of person that spends time in a prison. It could have implications down the road that are not necessarily favorable.

I'm really sorry that you are having to deal with this, I can imagine that it is very stressful. Try to remember that the sooner she realizes that when you put your foot down there is no changing your mind, the sooner things will *hopefully* become less stressful.

SandyG · 06-27-2006, 10:02 AM

goodluck with your MIL. ihope she doesnt get back at you for puting your foot down GOODLUCK!!!

Manna00 · 06-27-2006, 08:58 PM

Thank you all for the input and suggestions.. it really is helpful to hear some good, constructive ideas. I will have to put my foot down.. but I think that breastfeeding SHOULD buy me a good amount of time.

How ever did a nice girl like me land up in a situation like this??

Hayley · 06-29-2006, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaMer

Just a thought, but if you are planning on BFing, and you don't want to directly confront MIL about this, why not use that as an excuse? If dc gets hungry during your visit, the prison is surely not going to let you whip out a booby in the middle of a pack of men who have been caged up for years?! Tell her that it isn't your fault dc can't come, but you cannot bf in a prison. That will at least buy you some more time to get dh to nip this issue in the bud. And it is dh who needs to do this, not you. It is never good to have a DIL deal with MIL/FIL and vice versa with DH, kwim? Dh needs to put his foot down, and you give him (very loud) silent support

as far as the subject of excuses go you would not be able to bring dipes, food, bottles, anything that you would need to care for your baby. three hours is a long time too. I think you should lay down the law......my mother is dating a man in prison that she met through a prison pen pal and asked me the other day if I would go to meet him with my soon to be 1 year old.......guess what she did'nt even finish asking before I said NO WAY NEVER.

just my opinion!

G/L momma

MamaZ · 06-30-2006, 05:01 PM

From experience, you don't want to take your child to a prison. When I was 7 months pregnant my ex-husband went away for charges I knew nothing about (I found out I married a child abuser). But I was in denial and for 11 months, every Saturday I took my DS to visit his father for the whole 30 mins (although a 6 hour ordeal until I finally woke up and divorced him. There were always kids there but they could never leave their seats (good luck on that one!) and it was a royal pain in the butt. Send pictures. Children really shouldn't be subjected to a prison. If something were to break out during visitation, there's no telling what some of them would do. Plus you never know when random drug searches on visitors will be. My DS was sniffed down by dogs (which he is allergic to) and vacuumed... I will never do that again, even if it was for my current DH.

beepsmnms · 07-02-2006, 07:54 AM

Having let my now 14 year old visit a family member who was in maximum security prison for various reasons this would not even be an issue with me. I was younger and stupider (lol, y es i know , not a real word) anyway, no way would i consider letting my kids in again.

Moo&LaLasMomma · 07-02-2006, 06:30 PM

you may be able to find out if they have a security room ( like where they meet with attorney's ) .... hey you don't know unless you ask

good luck with your choice

06-27-2006, 08:52 AM	#21
Watercolor Ponies Professional, Proficient, PeeWell Procurer (or anything else you want me to stalk!) Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Fredericksburg, VA Posts: 1,421 Ratings: 52 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Prison visiting hours and babies Just a thought, but if you are planning on BFing, and you don't want to directly confront MIL about this, why not use that as an excuse? If dc gets hungry during your visit, the prison is surely not going to let you whip out a booby in the middle of a pack of men who have been caged up for years?! Tell her that it isn't your fault dc can't come, but you cannot bf in a prison. That will at least buy you some more time to get dh to nip this issue in the bud. And it is dh who needs to do this, not you. It is never good to have a DIL deal with MIL/FIL and vice versa with DH, kwim? Dh needs to put his foot down, and you give him (very loud) silent support

06-27-2006, 09:06 AM	#22
ahisma Registered Users Join Date: May 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 787 Ratings: 43 Feedback: 100%	Re: Prison visiting hours and babies Another thought - this may be the issue that makes MIL back off (eventually). For us, it was church. Oddly enough, we went to church, just not every single week. MIL flipped when she found out we missed a Sunday and blew up at Sunday dinner. I wound up walking out, told her that I was DD's mother and I would make the decisions, and not to EVER question my parenting decisions unless she felt that DD was in serious danger. She didn't talk to me for about a month, but she has backed off ALOT since then. Before that, she was very controlling, and it was a real nightmare. It was really hard when we were going through it, and I did have the support of DH, and BIL&SIL as well, which helped. Sometimes though, the big blowout has to happen before things get easier. Church was a really hot topic with MIl, as she was seriously convinced that we would be condemned to hll because we weren't going to church regularly. Also, since you do feel that this wouldn't be a one-time thing, and would likely continue indefinitely, it is important to think about the long-term repercussions. For an older child (preschool and up) who understands what prison is, the visits could be stigmatizing. Children are apt to "label" themselves s they attempt to sort out their place in the world. I'm not sure that it is a good idea for any child to associate themselves as the type of person that spends time in a prison. It could have implications down the road that are not necessarily favorable. I'm really sorry that you are having to deal with this, I can imagine that it is very stressful. Try to remember that the sooner she realizes that when you put your foot down there is no changing your mind, the sooner things will hopefully* become less stressful.

06-27-2006, 10:02 AM	#23
SandyG Moderator at heart, but no longer moderator The best way I know of to win an argument is to start by being in the right Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Yuma AZ Posts: 13,777 Ratings: 49 Feedback: 100%	Re: Prison visiting hours and babies goodluck with your MIL. ihope she doesnt get back at you for puting your foot down GOODLUCK!!! __________________ SAHM to David (5) ; wife to my sweetie. Praise the Lord sorry Im not around as I use to be Old DS Feedback DP Feedback www.americansolutions.com--take action NOW!!

06-27-2006, 08:58 PM	#24
Manna00 Pinchin' pennies 'til they scream Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: South Western, Virginia Posts: 29,988 Ratings: 772 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Prison visiting hours and babies Thank you all for the input and suggestions.. it really is helpful to hear some good, constructive ideas. I will have to put my foot down.. but I think that breastfeeding SHOULD buy me a good amount of time. How ever did a nice girl like me land up in a situation like this?? __________________ Come "like" The Screaming Penny on Facebook HERE Groupon Eversave Discover Swagbucks (FAQ) then join Swagbucks [B]

06-30-2006, 05:01 PM	#26
MamaZ Registered Users Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,119 Ratings: 120 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Prison visiting hours and babies From experience, you don't want to take your child to a prison. When I was 7 months pregnant my ex-husband went away for charges I knew nothing about (I found out I married a child abuser). But I was in denial and for 11 months, every Saturday I took my DS to visit his father for the whole 30 mins (although a 6 hour ordeal until I finally woke up and divorced him. There were always kids there but they could never leave their seats (good luck on that one!) and it was a royal pain in the butt. Send pictures. Children really shouldn't be subjected to a prison. If something were to break out during visitation, there's no telling what some of them would do. Plus you never know when random drug searches on visitors will be. My DS was sniffed down by dogs (which he is allergic to) and vacuumed... I will never do that again, even if it was for my current DH. __________________ ~Tiffanie~ Ashlee due April 18th Dylin (5/24/02) Amber (1/2/06) Autumn (8/31/07)