Playdate supervision

[meldo]

I've read enough threads where supervision is questioned when things get broken and I guess I'm just curious as to how much you all supervise playdates. My oldest is almost 8 and while I'm obviously home and available when we have a friend over, I don't follow them into DD's room or upstairs to the playroom and keep an eye on them. I will check in every once in a while or just walk by the doorway but I don't want to nag, KWIM? What do you do supervision-wise? And what do you expect when your child is at a friends house?

I'm typing on my iPhone, sorry.

[mcpforever]

Let's see. I get to know the kid a little on neutral ground usually. This could be at the park or church or school or whatnot. That helps. Then I supervise like I would my own kids-doors open, keep ears listening, walk past for a quick visual if it gets too quiet/loud, etc. If they go outside, I listen out for them and look out to see what they are doing.

I've heard my DS1 tell his friend, "I'm not allowed to do that./I don't think that's a good idea./My mom wouldn't like that." I get the impression that he's going to be the designated driver some day.

ETA: I expect any media usage to be run by me-here or at another's home. I expect to be able to call my kids' friends and have an adult tell me where the kids are and what they've been doing.

[meldo]

Originally Posted by mcpforever Let's see. I get to know the kid a little on neutral ground usually. This could be at the park or church or school or whatnot. That helps. Then I supervise like I would my own kids-doors open, keep ears listening, walk past for a quick visual if it gets too quiet/loud, etc. If they go outside, I listen out for them and look out to see what they are doing. I've heard my DS1 tell his friend, "I'm not allowed to do that./I don't think that's a good idea./My mom wouldn't like that." I get the impression that he's going to be the designated driver some day. ETA: I expect any media usage to be run by me-here or at another's home. I expect to be able to call my kids' friends and have an adult tell me where the kids are and what they've been doing.

That's great that your DS is so responsible. My DD is kind of a sheep. She'd rather go along with the crowd than stand up for what she knows is right. there are a couple of kids that I refuse playdates with because I don't like their influence and can't trust DD to do the right thing.

So if DD wants to play just dance on the wii with a friend should I call up their parents to make sure it's ok? Dd has come home from playdates and has watched programs I wouldn't allow here, like Spongebob or Disney shows but I figure there's only so much that I can control, KWIM? I would be upset if it were like PG13 or something but I tend to let the other stuff go.

Kind of OT, but one thing that really really bothered me was when DD went home with friends from church and after I thought about it realized there were not enought seatbelts for the number of people. Sometimes this family takes two cars so I decided to ask DD about it. Turns out they were in one car that day, DD was properly restrained but one of their 6 kids (5yo) was loose in the way back of their Suburban. I'm too chicken to confront the mom but that parenting choice means DD will never go to that house again without me.

I'm typing on my iPhone, sorry.

[isabelsmummy]

Originally Posted by meldo I've read enough threads where supervision is questioned when things get broken and I guess I'm just curious as to how much you all supervise playdates. My oldest is almost 8 and while I'm obviously home and available when we have a friend over, I don't follow them into DD's room or upstairs to the playroom and keep an eye on them. I will check in every once in a while or just walk by the doorway but I don't want to nag, KWIM? What do you do supervision-wise? And what do you expect when your child is at a friends house? I'm typing on my iPhone, sorry.

My daughter is the same age and that sounds about what I do. Doors have to stay open but otherwise I really don't worry much. They don't have phones or anything like that.

In all honesty, all her friends are good kids. Nice families and if they have slightly different values about somethings than us I'm ok with that - they are just different, not wrong.

The only think I am more cautious about with playdates here is the outside freedom. I will phone and check with the other mom to find out if her dd is allowed to walk/ride bikes around the block. Generally if the dd is the first child the answer is no and if it's the second the answer is yes!

[cbreeding]

My oldest is 5 so I do allow them to go off and play by themselves but I just turn on the monitor. Otherwise I just periodically check on them (especially if it gets quiet. As they get older I will have some ground rules but otherwise just pop my head in every so often. Also, I would provide a snack to be eaten at the table so I have a chance to see and get to know their friends.

[luvsviola]

We generally have our first playdates at a park or local church's play area. But, DD is 5, and I just expect the mom to be in the house and check in occasionally.

Our house is babyproofed (we have a 15 month old and a 3 year old) so kids have run of the upstairs. There is nothing up there they can hurt. When they are outside, we play in the back and I can see them from the kitchen. We have padlocks on the gates (3 year old can get them open otherwise), so I know they can't go anywhere.

In terms of expensive things...if our toys gets broken at my house, it's my problem. If a kiddo brought a video game or other "one player" type of expensive toy, I would probably just ask the mom to take it home with her or put it up while kiddos are here. IMO, when friends come over, we shouldn't be playing hand held video games anyway. Its not good manners to exclude anyone.

For videos, we stick to PG stuff normally. When friends are here, we generally watch Disney or the like. It would not occur to me to call another mom and ask about a video. Honestly, if a parent is all that hung up about what a kid is watching here that they don't trust me to pick, I don't want their kid here. We don't do high maintenance friends.