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Old 10-25-2012, 11:11 PM   #31
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Re: Teach me how to be a better parent to my toddler. I'm failing miserably.

I set up a sleep schedule for my (then) 18 month old to help her with sleep issues. My husband was away for training for 5 months, I had to stay with my MIL, so I ended up sleeping with her every night. She kept getting out of the crib, so I just let her sleep in my bed. When he finally came home, we moved across the country for his new job and she had her own bedroom again.
Needless to say, it was a huge ordeal getting her to bed every night. I did like KingsDaughter76 - she goes potty, brushes her teeth, then we lay down in her bed. I read her 2 books, then turn out the light. I sing her a song or 2, and sit there for a bit and cuddle. When it's time to get up, if she begins crying, I remind her that its dark outside, which means it's bedtime. Then I remind her everything we just did to get ready for bed. Then I give her a kiss & a hug & tell her I will see her in the morning. When I did this the first few times, she screamed and jumped out of bed, hysterical. I sat outside her room, but did not come in. She would cry for a few minutes, then go to sleep on her own. It took a few weeks before she finally accepted it, but after that it's been smooth sailing. It was very rough to listen to her cries, but in the end I believe it made her stronger and more independent. She is now 4, and has no issues when I walk out her door at night.

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Old 10-25-2012, 11:26 PM   #32
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We only have occasional bedtime woes, but here's what works most of the time. He'll refuse to get in bed, so I'll put him in the bed. He starts trying to climb out, so I calmly grab his binky and lovey and place them on his dresser where he can see them. Then I walk out of the room. He starts yelling for his binky and lovey and forgets all about wanting to get out of the bed! So I just come back in, give them to him, kiss him, say goodnight I love you, and leave.

I'm not sure why this works. I think it's a combination of changing the subject of the argument so he gets to win, or maybe it's changing from bed/no bed to bed with lovey or bed without.
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Old 10-26-2012, 12:25 AM   #33
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Old 10-26-2012, 12:26 AM   #34
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Originally Posted by Kiliki
I close my eyes and leave the room if I'm about to totally lose it. I walk to a different room, close the door behind me, and do one of a few things - cry, yell into a pillow, wash my face, say a prayer, look out my window at the beautiful day outside, or lay down and take a 5 min breather - and I take DEEP breaths. Usually I'm much calmer in about two minutes. Then I mentally prepare myself to go back and tackle it again. And I do. I go back, determined not to yell, and I usually do fine.

If it's already escalated (and I have a VERY stubborn daughter, so things escalate here very quickly if I am not on my game 100%) and I can't leave the room, I close my eyes and take some quick deep breaths, and force myself to speak quieter than I normally would. B/c then it's harder for me to get to yelling b/c I'm starting out very quietly. I also try a different method from whatever it is I've been trying up to this point. So if we're battling over time outs, I will switch it up "ok, you don't have to sit in time out, get up, you're going to bring me ____ toy."

I used to get srsly bent out of shape dealing w/my kids b/c I was alone 99% of the time with them, with no help, and I was just worn out and I never had a break. My Dad once saw one of my poorer parenting moments. (and I really respect my dad, he has always been what I consider the closest thing to a perfect parent that there could be) He came to me later and said, "If you find that YOU are more upset than your child is when you are disciplining them, then you are doing something wrong. Your child should be the one suffering for their bad behavior. YOU have to stay calm. You can't be a good parent when you get so worked up." ... and so I try my best to apply that. But I'm not as great as he is. So I still fail. But I do try.
Thank you for sharing this, I'll try to remember that!
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Old 10-26-2012, 06:11 AM   #35
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Re: Teach me how to be a better parent to my toddler. I'm failing miserably.

Some of the Harvey Karp stuff really works (toddler-ese, for example). It stops some behavior that could have descended into kicking/flailing/screeching/etc.
Does anyone do the clap-growl thing he describes? I have tried it and DD just LAUGHS at me. The double-take clap-growl? Same response. She doesn't imitate me, but clearly the change in tone and clapping are not getting through to her. I need something that indicates "I am not kidding, stop now!"
Of course, I have no idea what comes after that. We have not done any time-outs yet (21 mos) and I'm not sure that's where we want to go (parenting-wise) anyway.
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Old 10-26-2012, 07:38 AM   #36
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Re: Teach me how to be a better parent to my toddler. I'm failing miserably.

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Originally Posted by starbeam View Post
I know this is kind of silly, but I think that watching SuperNanny is one of the greatest things. My cousin, who I watch often as his dad is pretty much absent and completely dysfunctional, is 4 years old and I use her methods with him and they work very well. There is also a book about her methods. It is just nice to relax and watch some TV and watch other people with kids who are a little out of control, because it makes you laugh and not feel so alone, plus her methods are EXCELLENT


My DH is a psychotherapist and uses 1-2-3 Magic with his clients and brought home a DVD last week called "Painless Parenting" in the same series. It is geared for parents of toddlers. Not sure if he was trying to tell me something ...
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Old 10-26-2012, 07:46 AM   #37
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Re: Teach me how to be a better parent to my toddler. I'm failing miserably.

We got one of these for each child as well (asked for it from grandparents for Christmas last year). http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS.../chrisficti-20

It is a combo CD/radio/clock/ipod player. I turn the CD player on as I leave their bedroom at nap and nighttime and thry get so happy about the music that they usually stay put.

I play a 1-hour CD for my older kiddos during the little ones' nap time--they have to stay in their rooms until the CD turns off, but they can play and read in their with the door closed.

I also set the alarm clock to start the CD at 7:00am--bedore that, they were getting up earlier and earlier every morning. Now I just remind them before bed, "You can get up to go potty or if you have a bad dream, but otherwise stay in your room until the music comes on tomorrow".

I learned the hard way to keep it up on a high shelf--my 5-yr-old broke his the first day just messing with it.
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Old 10-26-2012, 12:52 PM   #38
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Re: Teach me how to be a better parent to my toddler. I'm failing miserably.

I have a almost 3y old DS that is hard to get to bed.

My tips are:

Enough stimulus during the day!!!
VERY little stimulus at night. We do bath, reading, dark lights, singing, music, back rub, then finally I leave the room. He usually starts by coming out of his room, telling me he's not going to be...ect.
I ALWAYS put him back in his bed and tell him not to get up!

Sometimes I let him lay in my bed while I nurse DD to sleep and he"ll fall out fast, the DH transfers DS to his room!

That age is hard.
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