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Old 10-21-2012, 07:12 AM   #1
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Giving inappropriate snswers on purpose...

How normal for a 3 1/2 yr old?? I'm so frustrated. DS 1 does things he clearly knows are wrong (climbing the windows/tv stand like ds2, trying to touch ds2's penis when I change him to get a response from me, ect ect) and most time I ask him why he's doing it he goes "yummy, cake. Cookies!!" I'm so frustrated with him. Whenever I try to talk to him he pulls away, tosses his head back and of laughs and usually refuses eye contact. Idl how to punish him!!

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Old 10-21-2012, 07:18 AM   #2
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Re: Giving inappropriate snswers on purpose...

My dd is the same age and she is full of the sillies these days! I would bet he's just trying to rile you up and get your attention. I just wouldn't give it to him. I would repeat myself very firmly that those things are innapropriate and if he does it again remove him to a time out spot/quiet spot. Alannah HATES time outs and that usually does the trick. As far as knowing right from wrong, I don't think kids at that age fully grasp the right/wrong concepts yet and are still pushing boundaries. Good luck!
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Old 10-21-2012, 07:29 AM   #3
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Re: Giving inappropriate snswers on purpose...

I agree with the pp, just be as patient and consistent as possible and I would also recommend watching for signs of ADD/ADHD. These children do act out to get attention and a response, sometimes it is appropriate to ignore this but a little bit of undivided attention when appropriate works wonders.
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Old 10-21-2012, 07:50 AM   #4
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Re: Giving inappropriate snswers on purpose...

I always feel so badly for you. You are such loving mother and have very difficult children. It is not too early to begin to look into add/adhd. New research is showing that children do better when it is treated early. Can you imagine how awful it must be to get so much neg. feedback when you really can't help what you are doing. I know you are very patient with your son, I'm talking about in general.
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Old 10-21-2012, 05:05 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by pumkinsmommy
I always feel so badly for you. You are such loving mother and have very difficult children. It is not too early to begin to look into add/adhd. New research is showing that children do better when it is treated early. Can you imagine how awful it must be to get so much neg. feedback when you really can't help what you are doing. I know you are very patient with your son, I'm talking about in general.
Thank you! I try very hard to give him good attention. When he's off & started doing the "wrong" things though its extremely hard to get him back on track. He refuses timeouts and will NOT stay for anything so I've implemented QT where he sits & "reads" two books. It helps a little bit.
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Old 10-21-2012, 05:38 PM   #6
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Re: Giving inappropriate snswers on purpose...

Both my kids are prone to doing this - they're 2.5 and almost 5. If the little one does anything she isn't supposed to and you ask "why did you do that?" She says in her crazy little troll voice "Because I like it!!" And if you ask the big one the same thing she'll say in a crazy voice "Because I'm a nananananana."

They don't always do this, and act appropriately most of the time. Sometimes small kids just get the sillies. I found the book "Playful Parenting" to really help me not react to this in anger or frustration, but rather to be silly and playful right back. The general mood in my house is one of lightheartedness and, yes, a lot of silliness. As a result, I don't have to do a lot of disciplining. When I do, it's for something serious and both kids, even the 2.5 year old, understand and do the required actions (time out, apologizing, cleaning up the mess, etc).

I honestly recommend that book to EVERYONE. It's so amazing how it has changed our entire house. It really teaches you how to use play to connect with your kids to figure out the root cause of a lot of behavior. In a lot of instances, having more silliness and playfulness will kind of get it out of their systems. Sometimes if you do really outrageous things they will correct YOU and will just altogether stop whatever naughty thing they were doing. I find that being playful can prevent misbehaving from even starting if you can kind of predict what might happen.

I don't know...it's really kind of hard to explain...you'd have to read the book I guess. All that is to say that sometimes lightening up, even though your first reaction is to be stern and discipline, can go a long way toward improving behavior. That's not to say don't ever discipline, but I guess pick your battles.
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Old 10-22-2012, 12:44 PM   #7
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Re: Giving inappropriate snswers on purpose...

i think this sounds like pretty normal behaviour honestly. my son just turned 3 and he's started doing this recently. i was just complaining to my mom about how annoying it is. partially it's the silliness (his favorite response to just about any question right now is "poopy! i'm a poopy! poop!" *cue hysterical laughter while dh and i stare in confusion* aaaaahhhhhh!!!! where does he get that?!!?!?)

also, i think at this age, kids are just starting to be able to verbalize what they did wrong you know? if i ask him why he did something wrong, he used to just stare at me blankly. but over the last couple months, i've noticed him starting to give an answer like, "oh just i did that" or the poopy answer. and he does things like, if i turn my back for second, he'll bite/hit the baby, and then she cries, i turn back and go "what happened!?" and he'll go "oh, just i bited her" like it's no big deal. um WHAT!?! but, as time has gone on, he's gotten better about explaining WHY he did something. or, like when i used to put him in timeout and then ask him if he knew why he was there, he would just stare, or say something like "i was crying" (the crying usually doesn't happen until the timeout is instituted.....so they're connected....but not the reason). it's really only lately that he's started figuring it out and being able to say something like "i go timeout because i bite my baby sister because i want you to look at me. i sorry". so really, i think it's kind of a developmental thing, they just need to get to the point where they can organize their thoughts enough to explain it.

also, with the timeouts, my ds was always terrible with them too, and would never stay put, no matter what i did. but then i started setting a timer for him and telling him he has to stay in his room until the beep (doing the corner never worked, he needs to be removed from the situation) and suddenly it's sooo much more effective. if he comes out, i reset it. i dunno, there's just something about his personality that if i say "you sit there until i SAY SO" he just freaks and nothing gets accomplished. but if the timeout is based on something concrete like THE BEEP instead of my own whims, at least in his mind, then he doesn't rebel as much. timeouts have become extremely effective for him now, whereas before i felt like they were pretty much useless.

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Old 10-25-2012, 11:21 PM   #8
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Re: Giving inappropriate snswers on purpose...

I have the same problem with my 4 year old. I like the playful parenting idea. I've been working with my daughter on eye contact - I wait until she decides to focus on my eyes before we talk about the behavior. Now off to check out that book...maybe that's what she needs.
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Old 10-27-2012, 11:13 AM   #9
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Re: Giving inappropriate snswers on purpose...

He sounds like a kid, sorry mama. Good thing is, they out grow it! I stopped getting so annoyed with my son when I changed my own perspective. He's been considered a difficult child - heck, I've called him difficult - but really, he's just full of energy and imagination and thinks he is hilarious. The more I laugh, the more I can redirect his humor to better outlets.
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Old 10-27-2012, 01:50 PM   #10
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Re: Giving inappropriate snswers on purpose...

Quote:
Originally Posted by GEM Cloth View Post
I agree with the pp, just be as patient and consistent as possible and I would also recommend watching for signs of ADD/ADHD. These children do act out to get attention and a response, sometimes it is appropriate to ignore this but a little bit of undivided attention when appropriate works wonders.
Yes to this! Sometimes it's developmental but if it continues beyond that phase you may want to pay more attention. My son is ASD/SPD/ADHD/ODD and he does this because of the issues. My youngest who's 4 also does it from time to time, but it's silliness!
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