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Old 10-28-2012, 07:13 PM   #1
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Discouraged after visit with inlaws

I don't mean to sound ungrateful or greedy, just a vent.
We had a little gathering today (per my husbands request and he organized it along with my mom) with a few family members that live out of town, but within 2-3 hours. My parents, my in-laws and three cousins that are close. Just a time to celebrate the new baby that is coming.
My parents have purchased us a pack-n-play (since I got rid of ours years ago) and a new infant care seat. (I have two girls and this is a boy, but our youngest is already 4 and we saved very little baby stuff). My dad even got my a rocking chair/recliner for me to nurse the baby in.
Today I really wasn't expecting lots of gifts, but I was still disappointed with my in laws. They are divorced by the way.
My mother in law gave us two sleepers and my father in law "said" that he would pay for our doula ($300). He is a lot of talk and no do, this I know from experience. He didn't give us money today, but "said" he would and that was our gifts from the in laws.
I feel do disappointed, only because they seem to not care about this baby, the way they did the two girls. My mother in law got us a crib, glider, stroller and many other things for the other two babys. I didn't expect just two onsie sleepers as the gift for our first boy baby.
Oh well..... I don't want to be greedy, but I put on our very limited amazon registry that we needed a stroller frame for the car seat ($99) and a portable swing ($50) and just a few other things like a sheet for the crib and pack n play. A waterproof mattress pad, some swaddling blankets etc... I also need $ for nursing bras. Like I said I didn't really expect a bunch of gifts or money, but I feel discouraged that they didn't do the same for this baby as they have for both of our others.

Vent over. ..... Thanks for reading.

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Old 10-28-2012, 07:30 PM   #2
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Awww, mama. I totally understand. My MIL's reaction to our second pregnancy was "oh" and my FIL hasn't even spoken to me since we announced. I think he told DH congrats, but I'm not sure.
Anyway... We don't ever expect much from them as far as stuff (because even though they are pushing six figures between three incomes they are STUPID with their spending. Don't own vehicles, a house, etc).
But their time, well... That's where I see a similarity between my ILs and yours. My parents are soooo giving with their time - we see them regularly, my dad will drop anything to come help if we need it, my mom will always babysit and is always there for me - but we haven't even laid eyes on my inlaws since... May?? Idk. And almost every time we talk they say they're coming over... And then just don't show up.

It sucks to be disappointed. And it sucks even more to know that THEY are missing out. At least in my case, since they're not involved at all, I know they're missing a relationship with us as a family, DS, and LO on the way. I wish there was something I could say. I hope they get a little more involved/invested and your FIL follows through on paying for your doula!
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Old 10-28-2012, 07:40 PM   #3
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Re: Discouraged after visit with inlaws

thanks for the encouragment.
Over a year ago now we moved from the west coast, to the east, partially because my husband wanted to be closer to his parents. We have made a huge effort of visit them fairly frequently. This is only the second time that my MIL has come to our home. The first was nearly a whole year ago. She also is very detached from the kids and "in her own world". My parents recently moved to the east coast from WA state. Basically because they couldn't stand being away from there grandstands any longer! I'm so glad they are close now.
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Old 10-28-2012, 07:52 PM   #4
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Re: Discouraged after visit with inlaws

I am sorry Mama! ((HUGS)) I kinda know how you feel.
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Old 10-28-2012, 07:53 PM   #5
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I'm sorry. Same thing happened with us. We had 2 boys first then our last was a girl. We got so much for both boys but literally nothing for our girl. It just seems unfair that they didn't care--ya know?
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Old 10-28-2012, 08:38 PM   #6
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Re: Discouraged after visit with inlaws

So Sorry momma, i have heard that after the second child relatives are not as interested in helping with the third. I don't expect anything for our future 3rd lo, and have begun purchasing little things as I find them at garage sales or on clearance at the store. My ils are this way with my ds hes our second child, they get him cheap gifts when compared to the things the ils bought or buy dd.
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Old 10-28-2012, 08:43 PM   #7
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Re: Discouraged after visit with inlaws

Just try to be positive! Maybe they will surprise you.
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Old 10-29-2012, 08:25 AM   #8
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Re: Discouraged after visit with inlaws

thanks steph ed. I will change my attitude!
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Old 10-29-2012, 08:12 PM   #9
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I hardly get anything from family. Personally I think it's rude when family don't get you anything at all. I'm not the kind of person that needs of has to have gifts, BUT when I know the grand patents and great grands are buying for other babies in the family and not mine it's pretty offensive to me.
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Old 10-30-2012, 08:41 AM   #10
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Re: Discouraged after visit with inlaws

I know how you feel. It is hard not to let it bug you with stuff like that. DD1 got a really nice crib and mattress plus a few really nice outfits from the IL (and her coming home outfit) and then DD2 got a few outfits/sleepers. I am used to my parents not getting big gifts for our kids so I don't have any expectations for them, but it is hard not feeling a little disappointed knowing that the IL's got DD1 a huge gift and then barely acknowledged DD2's birth. We are now expecting our first (and last) boy and I don't expect anyone to get him anything from anyone.
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