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Old 11-20-2012, 01:32 PM   #11
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Re: DH watches kid like grandparent

My DH is just "getting" it as LO #3 turns 20 mos old.

No, dear - dry cereal is not breakfast. Yes, they NEED to wear pajamas and have their faces/hands washed, and teeth brushed before bed - yes, EVERY night. No, honey, feeding them ice cream for dinner is not okay. Yes, they DO need to be in bed at bed time.

He's just really lax with things that I consider to be really important in parenting.

At the end of the day, he's a great dad. He doesn't get angry with them easily. He plays with them and has a lot of fun with them. He enjoys watching them and doesn't complain when I leave them all with him to go do something. He works hard.

So, I just let it go. I see single moms with NO help, or dead-beat Dads who don't lift a finger to do anything for their kids, and it makes me really thankful that my DH is a great dad!....... just not good at doing things the way I want them done.

But, he's getting better. a LOT better. It only took 3 kids. And 5.5 yrs.

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Old 11-20-2012, 01:45 PM   #12
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Re: DH watches kid like grandparent

Funny story, I teach ballet on the weekends, and am gone from 9-1:30 so the kids are always with DH during that time.

One weekend as I was getting ready to leave I said to my 5 year old "Alright, be good for daddy, doesn't he do a great job taking care of you?" and my 5 year old said "well, not really, one time he forgot to feed us lunch" lol Meaning that they ate 1:30 that week instead of 12:30. He's really hanging on to that one slip up though!

I told my 5 year old if he was old enough to realize he hadn't had lunch at lunch time, he is old enough to tell daddy he is hungry
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Old 11-20-2012, 02:12 PM   #13
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Re: DH watches kid like grandparent

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Funny story, I teach ballet on the weekends, and am gone from 9-1:30 so the kids are always with DH during that time.

One weekend as I was getting ready to leave I said to my 5 year old "Alright, be good for daddy, doesn't he do a great job taking care of you?" and my 5 year old said "well, not really, one time he forgot to feed us lunch" lol Meaning that they ate 1:30 that week instead of 12:30. He's really hanging on to that one slip up though!

I told my 5 year old if he was old enough to realize he hadn't had lunch at lunch time, he is old enough to tell daddy he is hungry
Hahahahahaha!!! So funny!

My husband was pretty bad about not interacting with the kids while I was gone. He didn't start doing it until he went back to school (he's also active duty military). So basically, when I left the TV came on and stayed on until I got home. He'd feed them, but it was normally something like peanut butter and fruit snacks for dinner. During dinner the kids would be at the table watching TV and my husband was on the iPad/phone looking up news reports or doing homework. It was not uncommon for me to come home and at least one of the kids was in time out or crying. When I asked what was going on, I got the same response every time. "I don't know what's wrong with them, they're just in a bad mood." Then I asked what he did with them and I got, "Oh, we watched TV, ate lunch/dinner...." And all I'm thinking is, "Oh, OK. So you just played on the iPad the entire time I was gone!" The most frustrating part is that he really seemed to be clueless! I've gone as far as taking the iPad with me when I leave. That seemed to get it across (in a not so nice way). I hate knowing I'm coming home to a mess at least, possibly a houseful of grumps. When it got really bad, I left him a chore list and told him if the kids were not decently happy when I got home I was doing the same thing again the next day. I had to make him man-up. I told him, "They are your kids! You had just as much fun making them as I did, you need to have fun taking care of them." I hate that Dad's are sometimes considered "babysitters".
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Old 11-20-2012, 02:24 PM   #14
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Re: DH watches kid like grandparent

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Hahahahahaha!!! So funny!

My husband was pretty bad about not interacting with the kids while I was gone. He didn't start doing it until he went back to school (he's also active duty military). So basically, when I left the TV came on and stayed on until I got home. He'd feed them, but it was normally something like peanut butter and fruit snacks for dinner. During dinner the kids would be at the table watching TV and my husband was on the iPad/phone looking up news reports or doing homework. It was not uncommon for me to come home and at least one of the kids was in time out or crying. When I asked what was going on, I got the same response every time. "I don't know what's wrong with them, they're just in a bad mood." Then I asked what he did with them and I got, "Oh, we watched TV, ate lunch/dinner...." And all I'm thinking is, "Oh, OK. So you just played on the iPad the entire time I was gone!" The most frustrating part is that he really seemed to be clueless! I've gone as far as taking the iPad with me when I leave. That seemed to get it across (in a not so nice way). I hate knowing I'm coming home to a mess at least, possibly a houseful of grumps. When it got really bad, I left him a chore list and told him if the kids were not decently happy when I got home I was doing the same thing again the next day. I had to make him man-up. I told him, "They are your kids! You had just as much fun making them as I did, you need to have fun taking care of them." I hate that Dad's are sometimes considered "babysitters".
YES! I can't tell you how many times I've gone to meetings for one thing or another and the person running the meeting tells me to make sure to thank my husband for watching the kids so I could come. I usually just say something like "They're his kids too, we both do a great job of parenting them"

Next weekend I'll be gone from Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon and he'll be home alone with the 3 kids. I have no worries.
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Old 11-20-2012, 02:28 PM   #15
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Re: DH watches kid like grandparent

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YES! I can't tell you how many times I've gone to meetings for one thing or another and the person running the meeting tells me to make sure to thank my husband for watching the kids so I could come. I usually just say something like "They're his kids too, we both do a great job of parenting them"

Next weekend I'll be gone from Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon and he'll be home alone with the 3 kids. I have no worries.
Someone recently looked at me wide eyed with amazement when I told her I left all 3 kid with my DH. 0-0

Apparently that's not normal? Or something?

I would probably seriously flip my lid if my DH acted like he couldn't be bothered to watch OUR kids. He doesn't do the best job ever. He doesn't even do a GOOD job. But he tries, he honestly does try his best. I do appreciate it (b/c apparently it's rare?! ) but I also EXPECT it. They're HIS KIDS, too.
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Old 11-20-2012, 03:15 PM   #16
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Re: DH watches kid like grandparent

I love DH to pieces and he is a wonderful dad, but sometimes he leaves me scratching my head. It's those little things that come up. I don't want to discredit him or make him feel like less of a parent. But with some of his choices, I'll end up taking on the brunt of a cranky 1 year old who didn't get enough sleep.

He plays with her tons, but he will also spend big gobs of time watching TV while she just kinda wanders around being whiny. She ends up in a bad mood and super bored. That just kinda irks me but I also don't want to tell him how to parent. I'm not 100% on the ball at all times either, and I really don't want someone pointing that out to me!

I've had to overlook some of the smaller indiscretions and really focus on the ones that matter. For me right now, that's getting enough nap time. It would be nice to have him use a fitted diaper and CJs if she starts getting rashy. I would love it if he took her for more outtings (he rarely leaves the house with her unless he's running an errand, whereas I take her places just for the fun of it). Oh well.
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Old 11-20-2012, 03:29 PM   #17
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Re: DH watches kid like grandparent

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No, dear - dry cereal is not breakfast. Yes, they NEED to wear pajamas and have their faces/hands washed, and teeth brushed before bed - yes, EVERY night.
Ha this is my husband. This morning DS1 came out and was wearing a bathing suit. Apparently he peed the bed last night and DH didn't want to go downstairs to get him clean pjs so he for some reason put swim trunks on him haha.

Constantly I will pick him up from preschool and he will have crazy bed head (DH drops him off) and I'll ask DH if he brushed his hair. He insists "boys don't need their hair brushed... I don't brush mine."

His other big thing is forgetting shoes. DS2 almost never ends up with shoes if he drops him off at the babysitters, and yesterday night he took DS1 to Walmart with no shoes which was apparently fine because "he was in the cart the whole time." BUT he's a loving fun dad who takes the kids places so I just roll my eyes. Some things just seem like common sense and I don't *understand* how he doesn't think of them. Kids need shoes. If it's cold bring jackets. WASH THEIR FACES AND HANDS REGULARLY.
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