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Old 11-24-2012, 07:30 PM   #1
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I could use some advice...

I always get good advice on DS, so I was hoping you mamas could help me. My sister never acknowledges any of my childrens' birthdays unless I have a formal party where she is invited. As in no phone call, card, gift...nothing. It's not that I expect her to go out and buy a gift for each of my children, but some acknowledgment would be nice. My oldest girls are at the age where they notice now, and it's hurtful. My sister has one dd, and she is able to throw elaborate parties for her each year, and each year we go and I bring what I feel is a very thoughtful gift. I don't give her a gift because I expect them in return for my children, but I give one because I want her to have something special on her birthday.
Money is definitely not an issue for her. So, my question is should I bring it up with her? Or should I leave it alone and keep getting her dd birthday gifts as I always have? I almost feel selfish and rude for even thinking about this, but I just don't get her sometimes. No flames please!

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Old 11-24-2012, 07:36 PM   #2
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Re: I could use some advice...

Yea I wonder if she would notice u not getting a gift one year & if she does if she would say something......how close are you to your sis? If close then maybe I would otherwise no.....
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Old 11-24-2012, 07:38 PM   #3
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Re: I could use some advice...

I've thought about that. This year she had so many gifts (that they didn't even open during the party) I wonder how long it would have taken her to figure out if I didn't get her one, but I just couldn't do it.
We are pretty close...that's why I don't understand it. I have another sister who thinks I should confront her.
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Old 11-24-2012, 08:07 PM   #4
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Re: I could use some advice...

If you are close I would just chat about it in a pre-planned non-judgy way. Maybe she thinks since you are not having a part that you don't want a bunch of gifts or acknowledgement for birthdays and that you just handle them differently. Maybe if you don't have a part she has a hard time keeping track of when the birthdays are. I had a talk with my brother a couple years ago about how we would handle kids birthdays and I really think it's a good idea because now we are on the same page and know where the other one's POV is coming from. I think so long as you handle it delicately she will be understanding and you can clear up any issues. Keep in mind that you don't have to change her mind on anything...if she doesn't want to acknowledge the birthdays then you can't make her. But at least you will be able to talk with you DDs about what's going on after you figure it out.
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Old 11-24-2012, 08:15 PM   #5
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Re: I could use some advice...

I would ask her if there was a reason she didn't acknowledge your children's birthdays. She needs to know if she's hurting your feelings, because its causing you to be upset. I would if its because she doesn't want to exchange gifts, etc. Also let her know that your children notice that she doesn't call on their birthday. There may be a logical explanation. Does she acknowledge the birthdays of other children in the family?
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Old 11-24-2012, 08:15 PM   #6
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Re: I could use some advice...

DH and I would often forget our nieces' and nephews' birthdays - we'd keep meaning to get something for them, and then forget... A couple of years ago, DH's brother said, hey, the kids would really love it if you called them on your birthday; shall I call and remind you a few days before?

We felt awful about it, but really grateful he said something. And now we at least send them something off their amazon gift lists and give them a phone call
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Old 11-24-2012, 08:16 PM   #7
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Re: I could use some advice...

I'm going to be real honest...

I am a busy person. It is not that I don't care it was your child's birthday. But honestly, unless there is a party, I often don't remember. I don't intentionally miss my nieces and nephew's birthdays. But I also don't call to acknowledge them either, because between work, my kids, and the million other things going on in my life, most of the time, I don't remember that it is your kid's birthday.

Sounds harsh, but that is the truth, at least for me. No party generally will mean no acknowledgement. I don't remember any of my aunts calling me for mine, and I have 5 aunts. The only people that ever call are my parents and sometimes my grandparents.

I'm going to bet that nothing intentional is meant by it, but you could talk to them about it.
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Old 11-24-2012, 08:18 PM   #8
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Re: I could use some advice...

I would just say that your daughters would love a call or note from her on their birthdays.
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Old 11-24-2012, 08:22 PM   #9
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Re: I could use some advice...

I have a very similar situation, but ours is grandparents that ignore my childrens birthdays, but go out of their way to buy for their other grandchildren...No calls, cards, nothing. I hope your situation is different, and not done out of just flat out not caring. We just ignore the fact and go about our business, but it hurts, I know. But it being a sister, you may can just ask her to honestly tell you why she does that, and see what she says, and then you know,KWIM? Honestly, if I were to find out that she did it because of something silly like not having a party, I would remember that when her children's birthdays rolled around, and they would get the exact same treatment that she gave to my children- but again, I have no issue with cutting relatives out of my life LOL!!!!
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Old 11-24-2012, 08:24 PM   #10
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Re: I could use some advice...

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvsviola View Post
I'm going to be real honest...

I am a busy person. It is not that I don't care it was your child's birthday. But honestly, unless there is a party, I often don't remember. I don't intentionally miss my nieces and nephew's birthdays. But I also don't call to acknowledge them either, because between work, my kids, and the million other things going on in my life, most of the time, I don't remember that it is your kid's birthday.

Sounds harsh, but that is the truth, at least for me. No party generally will mean no acknowledgement.
This. I have 6 siblings, only 2 of them regularly acknowledge my children's birthdays if there is no party. I am completely unbothered by it. I only remember one of my nieces birthdays and that is because it is on a holiday.
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