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Old 11-24-2012, 08:24 PM   #11
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Re: I could use some advice...

I don't buy that she doesn't remember that it's their birthday. We talk in advance...she'll ask me if we are having a party or not. Two of my kids share birthdays with my dad and my other sister...very memorable dates. I always post things on fb about their birthdays...she sees it. There are many opportunities for her to be reminded. It's like she does it on purpose.

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Old 11-24-2012, 08:36 PM   #12
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Re: I could use some advice...

Maybe the day of kiddo's birthday, you might post something on Facebook like..."Today is ______'s birthday. She really loves it when people call to tell her Happy Birthday. It means the world to her. " That might give them the hint.
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Old 11-24-2012, 11:19 PM   #13
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Re: I could use some advice...

I personally don't think it is a big deal, but since you are bothered by it you may want to talk to her.

I have 6 nieces and nephews, and 4 step-nieces and nephews, and I don't call or send gifts for any of their birthdays. I have a brother and two step sisters, and DH has two brothers and a sister...none of them call or send gifts or anything for my girls' birthdays. We are all close but I guess it's just the way we are; no one is offended.
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Old 11-25-2012, 05:53 AM   #14
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Re: I could use some advice...

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Originally Posted by luvsviola View Post
I'm going to be real honest...

I am a busy person. It is not that I don't care it was your child's birthday. But honestly, unless there is a party, I often don't remember. I don't intentionally miss my nieces and nephew's birthdays. But I also don't call to acknowledge them either, because between work, my kids, and the million other things going on in my life, most of the time, I don't remember that it is your kid's birthday.

Sounds harsh, but that is the truth, at least for me. No party generally will mean no acknowledgement. I don't remember any of my aunts calling me for mine, and I have 5 aunts. The only people that ever call are my parents and sometimes my grandparents.

I'm going to bet that nothing intentional is meant by it, but you could talk to them about it.
I'm not that super busy, but I do agree with this basically. If there isn't a party, I wouldn't get a gift and unless it was a kid I was really close to, I likely wouldn't remember to call or send a card (which I hate anyway, it just ends up being trashed). Honestly, I know a lot of DS moms are anit party/celebration for some weird reasons people have cited, but the bottom line for me is no party on your part tells me it's not that important to you, so why should it be important to me? I understand that some people here will be ticked by that statement, but it's how it is in the general population. In my circle, no one except grandparents of the child would send gifts if there was no party. Most wouldn't think to call and whatnot either, and I personally don't even like giving cards at parties much less "just because."

On a semi related note, I can sympathize OP. I have a brother that has a now turned 5 yr old son. DH and i ALWAYS as in every single year buy him a NICE birthday present and xmas present. As in, this year he's getting a razor scooter from us. My mom or dad always throws a big party for my brothers son at their house (brother lives in a small apartment, doesn't want to party plan, cook, etc) and we always throw a b-day party for our son at our house. My brother never attends our DS's birthday or sends a gift (we all live very close to eachother, brother is like 10 minutes away). He does usually get him an x-mas present. It's a little frustrating. But it's how he is and I've just accepted that I personally want to get my nephew gifts for special holidays, and will regardless of how my brother acts.
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Old 11-25-2012, 06:58 AM   #15
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Re: I could use some advice...

That is so sad. I wish every child and an awesome aunt/uncle/grandparent, etc. I could never ever imagine my sister missing my boys' birthdays. But then again, she and my mother are the only close family I have. I hardly speak to my brothers and they've never even talked to my children and ignore my children when I'm at my mother's house (my older brothers still live at home).. but, I don't expect anything from them at all and it doesn't bother me.

No nieces or nephews yet of the two legged kind, but plenty of 4 legged! Haha. And yes, I know all their birthdays.
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Old 11-25-2012, 07:02 AM   #16
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Re: I could use some advice...

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This. I have 6 siblings, only 2 of them regularly acknowledge my children's birthdays if there is no party. I am completely unbothered by it. I only remember one of my nieces birthdays and that is because it is on a holiday.
I have 6 siblings as well and dh has 3... I would be hurt if they didn't call to tell my kids Happy Birthday!!! I call all 11 of my nieces and nephews on their birthdays and send them gifts even with no party. That's the joy of being an Auntie and having an Auntie!!! My mom was one of 7 and my dad one of 4 and the married ones always sent gifts for bdays and Christmas or at least took us out to do some activity (which was even better since it meant individual attention). It's the same way for us now.

I have 4 kids and am busy too, but I, personally, feel it's part of being a family (taking time out to relate and talk to one another). One of my sisters conjoins bday gifts with Christmas gifts and I'm fine with that, but she still calls on the day of to sing happy birthday to the kids. We just write it on our calendars to remember. We don't spend much on each other's kids' gifts... maybe $5-10 dollars at most, but it's the thought and even kids love a dollar store coloring book and crayons or a gift card for a free Kid's Meal or a ticket to a movie theater. A lot of times the birthday gifts are late in the mail, but that just stretches out the fun and surprise.
We do a combined birthday party for all my kids because 4 parties a year is just too expensive. It doesn't mean the day of is not important by any means.

To the OP; I would ask when your kiddo's birthday is coming up, "Hey, Sis, can you call to sing her 'happy birthday' on her big day? It'd mean the world to her." It takes 4 minutes out of one's day (and I can totally see how an older kid would be hurt if no one calls them on their big day). As far as gifts, I wouldn't bring it up.

I do have one sister-in-law who has not even acknowledged 2 out of my 4 kids' existence, doesn't do gifts for any of them, doesn't even really talk to me (she has issues, but that is a whole other can of worms... I wish her jealousy wouldn't get in the way of how she doesn't relate to my kids ). Anyway, I still send her children gifts and talk to them. It's not their fault their mother is psycho and hurtful to my children (yes, I think it's hurtful behavior with the ignoring). Sigh...

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Old 11-25-2012, 07:22 AM   #17
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Re: I could use some advice...

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvsviola View Post
I'm going to be real honest...

I am a busy person. It is not that I don't care it was your child's birthday. But honestly, unless there is a party, I often don't remember. I don't intentionally miss my nieces and nephew's birthdays. But I also don't call to acknowledge them either, because between work, my kids, and the million other things going on in my life, most of the time, I don't remember that it is your kid's birthday.

Sounds harsh, but that is the truth, at least for me. No party generally will mean no acknowledgement. I don't remember any of my aunts calling me for mine, and I have 5 aunts. The only people that ever call are my parents and sometimes my grandparents.

I'm going to bet that nothing intentional is meant by it, but you could talk to them about it.
This.

I've always thought of birthdays as being meaningful to immediate family and BFFs only (not aunts/uncles/cousins). I would actually be annoyed if we got calls all day long on birthdays that constantly interrupted our festivities and my kids would be agitated too.
Unless....a party is planned, then everyone who attends should wish my kid a happy birthday - that's what I've invited them over for.

If your child is actually sad that an aunt is not calling on her birthday why don't you just tell your kid that she did call but you didn't want to interrupt your daughters birthday breakfast with the call?
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Old 11-25-2012, 07:44 AM   #18
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She just forgot. Talk to your sister about it.

My sister and I are tight. Ancho early we forget stuff :/ now that she will be having her own LO, she has forgotten a lot about my boys? Whereas before- she went over the top for them. So I rub it I slightly. LOL. We are sisters after all

In seriousness- its life. Unless you have a party or are über close (and likely bringing it up to sis, regularly) she will forget.
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:14 AM   #19
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Re: I could use some advice...

Ok so after reading everyone's point of view I understand. It just makes me sad because the only reason we don't do parties is because we can't afford to do 4 a year, especially around the holidays. It's not because we don't care about their special day...we usually take them to do something fun like going to the zoo or painting on pottery.
By only saying you give gifts is if there is an actually have a party makes you wonder if that's the only reason why some do.
We are close...she was there when they were born. Hard to forget. I guess I am just dissappointed and sad for my girls.
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:24 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katengrace
Ok so after reading everyone's point of view I understand. It just makes me sad because the only reason we don't do parties is because we can't afford to do 4 a year, especially around the holidays. It's not because we don't care about their special day...we usually take them to do something fun like going to the zoo or painting on pottery.
By only saying you give gifts is if there is an actually have a party makes you wonder if that's the only reason why some do.
We are close...she was there when they were born. Hard to forget. I guess I am just dissappointed and sad for my girls.
Maybe you should have a family party then. Having just family and something low key is probably just as expensive as going to a pottery painting place or the zoo. You don't have to go nuts.
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