DECEMBER 2012 CHAT THREAD

[juclark77]

Originally Posted by Mama2ManyBoyz I haven't posted in awhile, but we are still head over heels in love with dfd. She is SO attached to me and extremely needy. I really thought it would get better over time, but it appears to be getting worse. It's as if the more I love her, the more she craves it and realizes it was what she should have been getting all along. Does that make sense? Has anyone ever experienced this? She is always under my feet, tripping me. Always talking to me or simply saying my name so I will look at her even if she has nothing to say. Hugging me. Bolting into my lap the second I sit down. She finally plays in the other room with the kids, but peeks on me while I'm cleaning or whatever I'm doing. Hysterical if she thinks I'm leaving. She calls me her "very special mommy". I don't know if words can do a justice. She is just so incredibly needy that it's exhausting...even though I adore her. ETA: I simply can't wrap my mind around what her life looked like to bring her to this point, though I do know that the number of kids bio mom has lost is nearing the double digits, so I can only imagine.

It sound like she has developed an "insecure attachment." There are strategies for dealing with this. You could try googling it. I think Parenting the Hurt Child by Keck might be where I read about how to make it less severe. Attaching in Adoption might be another book to look in.

Here is a link that might be useful. Look particularly at the section Symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder. http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=513

[Mama2ManyBoyz]

Originally Posted by juclark77 It sound like she has developed an "insecure attachment." There are strategies for dealing with this. You could try googling it. I think Parenting the Hurt Child by Keck might be where I read about how to make it less severe. Attaching in Adoption might be another book to look in. Here is a link that might be useful. Look particularly at the section Symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder. http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=513

Oh wow. I looked at that link and so many of the symptoms of RAD are exactly what I was trying to find words for. I can fix this right?

frequent, out-of-control tantrums. Unusually defiant and disobedient. Flies into a rage for the least little thing. Deliberately soils in inappropriate places. Destructive of property. Normal methods of discipline are ineffective.
the velcro kid, unwilling to be separated from Mom for any time at all. Cries incessantly when parted, insists on keeping Mom in sight at all times. Scared to go to sleep alone at night, and wakes in the night to check on whether Mom is there.
needs to control Mom at all times.This can be achieved in many ways:
abnormally active toddler, constantly on the go. This risk-taking hyperactivity is intended to keep her constantly vigilant and at his side. A nightmare to take shopping, to a restaurant etc
disruptive when Mom is on the phone or talking to other adults, very jealous of attention to other siblings. Will whine, cling, hit, chatter, to monopolize Mom's attention - again, insecure or anxious attachment.
refuses to cooperate or excessively demanding with eating, going to the toilet, dressing etc. Refuses to eat meals or most foods. Demands food or drink frequently, wants Mom to accompany bathroom visits, wipe and wash hands, etc.
inability to play alone, insists that mother or other family member plays or interacts with him or her at all times
demands affection on his or her terms - asks repeatedly for hugs, tells Mom, I love you endlessly.
persistent nonsense chatter

All of this to varying degrees. Even the tantrums. It went on for two weeks, out of control tantrums. I finally got them to stop by witholding our special time together as a consequence.

[Mama2ManyBoyz]

Minus the soiling and risk taking.

[ivparker]

Originally Posted by newmommy13 Ivparker are you worried for the babies safety or just going to miss them?

No, I think they will be fine. I'm just going to miss them.

[FindingMercy]

Originally Posted by Mama2ManyBoyz Oh wow. I looked at that link and so many of the symptoms of RAD are exactly what I was trying to find words for. I can fix this right? frequent, out-of-control tantrums. Unusually defiant and disobedient. Flies into a rage for the least little thing. Deliberately soils in inappropriate places. Destructive of property. Normal methods of discipline are ineffective. the velcro kid, unwilling to be separated from Mom for any time at all. Cries incessantly when parted, insists on keeping Mom in sight at all times. Scared to go to sleep alone at night, and wakes in the night to check on whether Mom is there. needs to control Mom at all times.This can be achieved in many ways: abnormally active toddler, constantly on the go. This risk-taking hyperactivity is intended to keep her constantly vigilant and at his side. A nightmare to take shopping, to a restaurant etc disruptive when Mom is on the phone or talking to other adults, very jealous of attention to other siblings. Will whine, cling, hit, chatter, to monopolize Mom's attention - again, insecure or anxious attachment. refuses to cooperate or excessively demanding with eating, going to the toilet, dressing etc. Refuses to eat meals or most foods. Demands food or drink frequently, wants Mom to accompany bathroom visits, wipe and wash hands, etc. inability to play alone, insists that mother or other family member plays or interacts with him or her at all times demands affection on his or her terms - asks repeatedly for hugs, tells Mom, I love you endlessly. persistent nonsense chatter All of this to varying degrees. Even the tantrums. It went on for two weeks, out of control tantrums. I finally got them to stop by witholding our special time together as a consequence.

Hugs mama. I would look into therapy and such right away.

Whenever I see lists for symptoms of attachment disorder I worry about my oldest DD. she fits everything there except she is willing to play independently. Is it possible for a bio child who has been raised by mom and dad since birth to have some degree of attachment disorder issues???

[juclark77]

Originally Posted by Mama2ManyBoyz Oh wow. I looked at that link and so many of the symptoms of RAD are exactly what I was trying to find words for. I can fix this right? frequent, out-of-control tantrums. Unusually defiant and disobedient. Flies into a rage for the least little thing. Deliberately soils in inappropriate places. Destructive of property. Normal methods of discipline are ineffective. the velcro kid, unwilling to be separated from Mom for any time at all. Cries incessantly when parted, insists on keeping Mom in sight at all times. Scared to go to sleep alone at night, and wakes in the night to check on whether Mom is there. needs to control Mom at all times.This can be achieved in many ways: abnormally active toddler, constantly on the go. This risk-taking hyperactivity is intended to keep her constantly vigilant and at his side. A nightmare to take shopping, to a restaurant etc disruptive when Mom is on the phone or talking to other adults, very jealous of attention to other siblings. Will whine, cling, hit, chatter, to monopolize Mom's attention - again, insecure or anxious attachment. refuses to cooperate or excessively demanding with eating, going to the toilet, dressing etc. Refuses to eat meals or most foods. Demands food or drink frequently, wants Mom to accompany bathroom visits, wipe and wash hands, etc. inability to play alone, insists that mother or other family member plays or interacts with him or her at all times demands affection on his or her terms - asks repeatedly for hugs, tells Mom, I love you endlessly. persistent nonsense chatter All of this to varying degrees. Even the tantrums. It went on for two weeks, out of control tantrums. I finally got them to stop by witholding our special time together as a consequence.

If the child has RAD, I would get an ATTACHMENT therapist ASAP. I have a friend with 2 kids with RAD. They went to regular therapy for a year with no results. They finally got an attachment therapist, and are making slow progress. RAD stuff can be a very big deal. You want to get as much help as possible, as soon as possible. Parenting the Hurt Child would probably be helpful reading.

[Mama2ManyBoyz]

I don't think return home is likely...but if it happened...what would that do to a child with insecure attachment/rad???

[Mama2ManyBoyz]

and do they consider that when deciding on return home???

[WynneBabies]

They might. If she is getting therapy, that will be court ordered to continue no matter where she goes.

[newmommy13]

Originally Posted by FindingMercy Hugs mama. I would look into therapy and such right away. Whenever I see lists for symptoms of attachment disorder I worry about my oldest DD. she fits everything there except she is willing to play independently. Is it possible for a bio child who has been raised by mom and dad since birth to have some degree of attachment disorder issues???

Im sure its possible but if the child has had a pretty "normal" childhood its probably unlikely. Ive always worried about this with my dd since she spent the first month of her life in the nicu and i did not bond right away with her. I think its hard for her because as a special needs child shes been put through painful or uncomfortable experiences with me right there forcing it on her (testing, blood draws, intense feeding clinic sessions etc) so in a kid that might be sensitive or emotional just as a personality trait, having a parent force them to do painful things might be as harmful as actual physical abuse. Does an infant/toddler know the difference? I hope so. Some of those thing really hit hime for my dd but some are way off. Im sure most kids do some of those things at some point in their childhood.