How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

[Mercy24]

Due to massive alcohol abuse issues with both sides of our families I've developed a huge complex about drinking around children :/ DH was heavily abused by his alcoholic parents. I don't allow drinking when DS's awake at all, and really when he's a sleep we might have one beer each maybe once a month. We have close family that are constantly drinking when I have DS with me and it drives me nuts as they have very little concept of when they've crossed from "just a couple beers" to full blown drunk.

[tallanvor]

If you cannot take care of your children (or spouse or whoever you are with, really), you've had too much. When you struggle to go without it, you have a problem.

[ktmelody]

Such a tricky question.


My BIL gets drunk every friday-sunday. He doesn't sleep, typically missed out on his kids stuff because he was too drunk, yet went to work M-F. He is a drunk and his kids have suffered greatly from it.

In our house it would be a huge problem if it was a drink more than say once a month. My husband has a few beers once a year when his parents come to visit, and then usually one or two drinks on thanksgiving. I have 2 maybe 3 small drinks a year. I had an issue with drinking in high school and did a 12 step program. There really is no place for drinking in our home because of both our families history. I dont think drinking around children (outside of a glass of wine or a beer) is ever acceptable.

But I can see for a normal family, having a glass of wine at night, or a beer or two on the weekend and that should not be a problem. More than that I think is an issue that should be handled.

[hilaryisinked]

Originally Posted by UmmKira We don't drink as a matter of principle, but I do think that for parents who don't see it as inherently bad should have it in a locked cabinet once the kids have an idea that it is "for adults". Curiosity is too strong and everyone I know who had alcohol in the house tried it pretty early on from their parents stash.

Yeah I tried it as early as 5th grade. My dad had it in the kitchen and I could easily get into it.

[mms1972]

This is a tough one! In the 20 years I have been a parent....wow that long???? :-) anyway in all this time I can count in one hand the number if times I have had any type of alcohol in front of my kids. And never to the point of getting drunk. I just have never felt comfortable with drinking in front of them. I have a couple friends who I really don't talk to much anymore whose children grew up watching them drink basically daily....IMO no young child really needs to see that or their parent drunk and slurring all over the place. I have no issue with drinking if out with DH but we don't keep any alcohol in the house.

ETA.... I was going to say I don't remember the last time I had a drink....then I realized it was June 4th 2011....the nite I got Preggo with my now 9.5 month old DD..LOL

[ktmelody]

Originally Posted by hilaryisinked Yeah I tried it as early as 5th grade. My dad had it in the kitchen and I could easily get into it.

I think some kids just want to try. My parents never ever had liqour in our home. In fact I never saw my parents drink anything until I was a mom myself! Yet I was drinking daily by 14 years old. My peers were a hue influence on me.

[jam's mum]

I drink one, now and then 2 glasses of wine at night while watching telly after the baby's gone to bed. I savour it. I do often get drunk at parties or if I go clubbing, but that's once in a blue moon. I'd say I get a hangover once or twice a year. I don't drive, and DH doesn't drink, so that's handy.

My parents both drank wine or beer with meals growing up, and I can recall one time when we were at a lavish party and my dad got really drunk and threw up in the shrubbery, which was very exciting.

Now that my sisters and I are grown up, my parents talk more casually about getting drunk (my mum in particular has some epic stories about my graduation and my sister's too; I've never seen my dad drunk since). It's kind of a family joke - we talk about "prayer meetings" (parties) and "drinking our milk". I'm a little bothered that a) my my mum's parents were alcoholics, although I think she's ok for now, and b) that my brother is still living with them and is only 16. He's in the phase where he despises everything about his family though, so maybe it's all right.

[mcpforever]

Originally Posted by tallanvor If you cannot take care of your children (or spouse or whoever you are with, really), you've had too much. When you struggle to go without it, you have a problem.

This here.

Alcohol isn't some sort of big mystery around our house. We drink wine, beer, or the occasional mixed drink. Sometimes with dinner and sometimes after dinner. I would guess it averages about once a week. The kids see us do it. We tell them what it is and even allow them to taste if they ask. So far all it has done has reinforce the idea that they don't care for it. DS1 just went through DARE and won't even taste it.

We have a wine/liquor cabinet. I'm not planning on locking it any time soon. I grew up with it in my house. There was a LOT of it and a big variety. It scandalized some of my friends. (kept in the pantry in plain sight) The reason we had such a stash was because my parents just didn't drink very often, but Dad liked to collect it.

[Agla]

You know your friend and if you feel he is getting out of control I would trust your judgement. If he is making poor decisions on a regular basis while under the influence then as his friend I would be concerned. I honestly don't know how I would approach it. I had a friend to through a rough patch and I kept in contact and I just kept asking her to please make better decisions as her children needed her.

I will not be locking my liquor cabinet. Our hope is that as we model responsible consumption and have frequent conversations with our children they will see it as something that can be enjoyed in moderation and not something to suck down just to get trashed. Locking it to me seems to make it taboo and secretive and somehow more attractive.

[rverrone11]

Originally Posted by UmmKira We don't drink as a matter of principle, but I do think that for parents who don't see it as inherently bad should have it in a locked cabinet once the kids have an idea that it is "for adults". Curiosity is too strong and everyone I know who had alcohol in the house tried it pretty early on from their parents stash.

My parents always had an unlocked liquor cabinet, and we always had beer in the house because we had a lot of family gatherings...I never experimented with it. My parents let me sniff their drinks and take a tiny sip to see what it tasted like, which deterred me from wanting anything to do with it.