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Old 12-09-2012, 12:37 PM   #21
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

My parents always had alcohol in the house when I was a kid and it was never a problem. They usually each have a small glass of wine with dinner and my dad often had a beer or martini on weekends when he was working around the house. They never got drunk and never drove while under the influence. If anything, they taught us how to deal with alcohol in a safe and healthy way. Starting when I was 14 or 15, they allowed me to have a small glass of wine at special dinners and holidays. As such, it wasn't a big mystery to me and I felt no need to experiment with it as a teen (or ever).

Now, as a parent, I will not have anything to drink if I am responsible for DS. If DH or my mom is around, then I will have a glass of wine occasionally (maybe once a month). I have a pretty low tolerance though, so never more than one drink and I won't drive for 12 hours after consuming any alcohol. DH doesn't drink at all, just because he doesn't like it and would rather have a soda.

My maternal grandfather was a terrible alcoholic and I've never let myself get drunk since I saw what pain alcoholics can cause their loved ones.

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Old 12-09-2012, 12:38 PM   #22
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

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If you cannot take care of your children (or spouse or whoever you are with, really), you've had too much. When you struggle to go without it, you have a problem.
This. I rarely drink in front of my children because I don't want them to smell it on me.
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Old 12-09-2012, 12:48 PM   #23
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I think some kids just want to try. My parents never ever had liqour in our home. In fact I never saw my parents drink anything until I was a mom myself! Yet I was drinking daily by 14 years old. My peers were a hue influence on me.
My peers were why I was getting into my dad's alcohol. They influenced me when they came to play and told me to drink some. I was a follower not a leader. But I was left alone far too much as a child and drinking is not even close to the bad things I did at ridiculously young ages.

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Old 12-09-2012, 12:55 PM   #24
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

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My parents let me sniff their drinks and take a tiny sip to see what it tasted like, which deterred me from wanting anything to do with it.
that how i was raised and how i plan on parenting
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Old 12-09-2012, 01:09 PM   #25
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As long as you're not unable to take care of someone (whether its kids, a spouse or yourself) then to each their own. Everybody has different limits and SHOULD know them and be able to make responsible choices. In a perfect world.

For us, a glass of wine or two (or 1-2 beers or 1-2 mixed drinks) a night would be acceptable. We don't actually ever drink that much but it's what I'd be comfortable with. I think as long as you don't HAVE to have it, indulging isn't a bad thing. That said, I also think people make a much bigger deal about it then they should. The ony reason I wanted to try alcohol was BECAUSE it was so taboo. Not saying I'm gonna hand my kid a beer when they're 12 or anything but jut make them see its not the end all be all of being cool.
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Old 12-09-2012, 01:30 PM   #26
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

I have a drink once a week- two if I've reeeeeeally earned it. I don't see any problem with having a few drinks but anything that would be too much to drive is too much to be handling dependants. If I feel like drinking more excessively, my children are in the care of another until I am 100%.

Growing up, alcohol was not mysterious. As a teenager, if we wanted a small glass of beer or wine at, say, a BBQ or wedding, ect, that was allowed (and perfectly legal in the Province I grew up in before anyone jumps all over it.)
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Old 12-09-2012, 01:40 PM   #27
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

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Due to massive alcohol abuse issues with both sides of our families I've developed a huge complex about drinking around children :/
This is also for both the dh and I so neither of us drink at all. We both drank as teens, but by the time we were legal to drink, neither of us were interested in alcohol. Both sides come from alcoholics and that is not anything we want our children to see or experience.
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Old 12-09-2012, 01:47 PM   #28
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

I grew up in a family that didn't do any drinking, smoking, or coffee, so as a child ANY of those things made me feel uncomfortable (I "knew" the people doing them were "bad" people)

Anyway, I drink coffee almost every morning now, and I have a glass of wine once in a while with dinner. Basically, if we open a bottle then I'll have a glass or two with dinner for a few nights until the bottle is gone (DH is not much of a drinker). Then we usually don't open another bottle for a month or more. Occasionally we'll have a beer, but that's only when one of us had the wherewithal to pick up an interesting beer while shopping. Generally we do not have beer, and the last time I bought beer was in early October b/c I saw Buffalo Bill's Pumpkin Ale at the store and thought it would be fun to try...we still have three bottles left I liked it but I treat it more like a special occasion I guess.

Sometimes I'll have a little something if I'm having like a super-mega-bad-awful afternoon w/the kids, but that's more b/c when I'm having a crap day then I am uptight-borderline-no-patience with them and it helps me relax and not be such a b---- to them This probably happens on a frequency of less than once/month.

And if we all go out to dinner, which is only a few times/year, I'll order wine or beer about half the time, mainly depending on where we are and what is available.

Mainly I want to teach them that they need to have good self-control and practice moderation. So that's what I try to do in both my drinking behavior AND how I talk with them about it.

I think drinking every night in front of kids is probably a sign that something else is going on I view it as something that you just don't do every day, firstly b/c it's expensive and lots of empty calories. Once or twice a week or special occasions seems like the most I would consider to be "healthy". Maybe a little more if a person is dealing with a short-term stressful situation (like one to two months). Beyond that, no, I really don't think it's acceptable and the person should seek a healthier way to deal with or handle their problems.
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Old 12-09-2012, 01:48 PM   #29
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I will not be locking my liquor cabinet. Our hope is that as we model responsible consumption and have frequent conversations with our children they will see it as something that can be enjoyed in moderation and not something to suck down just to get trashed. Locking it to me seems to make it taboo and secretive and somehow more attractive.
Couldn't agree more. My DH grew up in a family where his parents let him have a beer in high school and they were only allowed to have it at their house. Him nor his brother are into drinking really. As for me, I wasn't even allowed a taste and that made me want it more. So of course in high school I drank. Once I turned 21 and it wasn't so taboo, I don't hardly drink.

Op, that's a tough situation you are in. If you feel the children are in danger I would definitely talk to your friend. I agree with others, if there is no one around to take care of your kids you should not be getting intoxicated. There should always be someone there who is sober. And getting drunk every weekend around your kids is not okay. It's one thing of you are having 2-3 drinks (if that) to feel relaxed, but to be drinking 8-10 drinks of hard liquor is another.
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Old 12-09-2012, 02:02 PM   #30
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

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I will not be locking my liquor cabinet. Our hope is that as we model responsible consumption and have frequent conversations with our children they will see it as something that can be enjoyed in moderation and not something to suck down just to get trashed. Locking it to me seems to make it taboo and secretive and somehow more attractive.

Although we don't have a liquor cabinet, this is our plan too. We do let the boys smell or taste a little if they want. DS1 thinks it's nasty but DS2 is the kid of kid who wants to taste everything and says he likes everything.

On my side of the family there is alcoholism and depression (my great-grandfather committed suicide by shooting himself in front of my great-grandmother when he had been depressed and drinking).

My mom enjoyed reminding us kids, most of who experimented w/alcohol, that we have alcoholism in our blood and we shouldn't touch the stuff. IDK, I'm not sure that was the healthiest way to teach us about it but I think I always had it in the back of my mind, what my great-grandfather did. I won't hide that from the boys, either, when they're older. Right now I think they're still a little young to really understand, so for now DH and I just tell them that a little is okay, but any more can affect your brain and liver in hurtful ways.
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