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Old 01-24-2013, 11:59 AM   #1
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3rd grade sexy talk -- WWYD?

My 3rd grader has several friends at school with older siblings. Recently they have been talking a lot about their private parts and use fruit names to refer to them.

Yesterday she came home begging to watch the gangnam style video because "everyone" at school had seen it and it is "awesome." According to my 5 year old everyone in kindergarten has seen it too (they also have "Beaver Fever" in kindergarten). We watched it and they agreed that it was truly "awesome."

Later we were talking about the word sexy. One of the few understandable lyrics is "sexy lady." I told them it meant attractive or good looking for an adult but children are never sexy. My 3rd grader then admitted that she and her friends call each other and their fruity body parts sexy. She also showed me a little hip grind they do when they say sexy. Ugh!

I'm happy she feels comfortable sharing with me. My mom would have freaked out if I had been dumb enough to tell her something like this. She knows about sex as it relates to making babies but I don't think she understands that people do it for fun. I know she doesn't really understand what sexy means.

Do I tell her? How do I handle this? Do I just listen? I feel like being interested in body parts is age appropriate but the sexy stuff make me a little sick to my stomach and it's hard not to freak out.

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Old 01-24-2013, 12:05 PM   #2
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Re: 3rd grade sexy talk -- WWYD?

oh no.

I am not even close to that age yet. I have no advice that would even be worthwhile, other than to say you did a good job not flipping out about it, and making sure she feels comfortable enough to come to you. Kudos for that!

Otherwise, I'm useless. Just couldn't read and not offer something.
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Old 01-24-2013, 12:06 PM   #3
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I would age appropriately explain sexy and that you would prefer her not to use it. That its not a bad word but it's not one little girls should use. I would also explain how each family is different and that language is inappropriate in your house. Explain how each parent has different rules.

My oldest is 12 and some of her friends over the years have been like this. It saddens me because your right.
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Old 01-24-2013, 12:15 PM   #4
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Re: 3rd grade sexy talk -- WWYD?

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I would age appropriately explain sexy and that you would prefer her not to use it. That its not a bad word but it's not one little girls should use. I would also explain how each family is different and that language is inappropriate in your house. Explain how each parent has different rules.

My oldest is 12 and some of her friends over the years have been like this. It saddens me because your right.


My children are homeschooled so we don't get too much of this but l had to have this same discussion with my girls last year (now age 14, 10 and 9) when their neighborhood friend that isn't homeschooled began calling herself sexy (at age 12). The girls grandmother also called her sexy! WTH! Some people amaze me. Needless to say after much drama brought on by the neighbor and her grandmother my girls are no longer allowed to play with the neighbor.
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Old 01-24-2013, 12:20 PM   #5
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Re: 3rd grade sexy talk -- WWYD?

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My children are homeschooled so we don't get too much of this but l had to have this same discussion with my girls last year (now age 14, 10 and 9) when their neighborhood friend that isn't homeschooled began calling herself sexy (at age 12). The girls grandmother also called her sexy! WTH! Some people amaze me. Needless to say after much drama brought on by the neighbor and her grandmother my girls are no longer allowed to play with the neighbor.
yea, I have a friend who calls her 5 and 6 yr old grandkids "sexy" .... ??? why? WHY?

I can't figure it out....
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Old 01-24-2013, 12:31 PM   #6
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Re: 3rd grade sexy talk -- WWYD?

Eek! I would be terrified. Isn't it Beiber Fever for Justin Beiber?? Anyway, I have no idea what I would do as I'm not there yet, but my sympathy! I'd probably try to be as honest while still age appropriate as I can.

And I've never heard of them being called 'fruity' body parts before... that did make me giggle.
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Old 01-24-2013, 01:04 PM   #7
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Re: 3rd grade sexy talk -- WWYD?

Welcome to 2013. It is actually normal talk among 3rd graders (as scary as it may be). I have a friend who always talked about being sexy with her kids when they were younger.....maybe the oldest was in 3rd grade. I found it odd, but that it was just a cultural thing.

I would absolutely talk to her about it. Try not to feel or come across as though it bothers you. You don't want her to pick up mixed feelings from you. Tell her that girls like to joke around and have fun. Tell her it is a good thing that she knows the real name of body parts b/c some of her friends might not (unfortunately). Most kids who make up names for body parts do it b/c that is what they are used to at home. It is really sad kids can't grow up being able to say the real name of a body part. Elbow. OMG.....you just said ELBOW!!!!

This is the beginning age/stage for becoming interested in boys. Let her know that while sexy may be more of an adult word, more and more kids and younger ones are using it b/c they hear it through movies, tv, song lyrics, or even other adults and kids. Personally, if dd1 who is also in 3rd grade talks like that with her friends I don't really care. Most of our society feels that being sexy, looking sexy, feeling sexy is important. No matter race, color, size, age, culture, etc.
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Old 01-24-2013, 01:11 PM   #8
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Re: 3rd grade sexy talk -- WWYD?

Forgot to mention that having an open/trusting relationship with her is extremely important! So, whether or not you want her to say sexy, try not to close that door. DD1 and I have "girl talks" often. Right now, I have been the one who initiates them and I'm hoping when she needs to talk to me about something she will. Our "girl talks" are very casual and we either plop on my or her bed and just chit chat like girls. It is just time for us together.

There is some drama in the 3rd grade at her school, but she knows that drama is never good. Thankfully, she seems to be taking after me and is aware of it and friends with a variety of girls but isn't sucked in to it.

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Originally Posted by mibarra View Post
Eek! I would be terrified. Isn't it Beiber Fever for Justin Beiber?? Anyway, I have no idea what I would do as I'm not there yet, but my sympathy! I'd probably try to be as honest while still age appropriate as I can.

And I've never heard of them being called 'fruity' body parts before... that did make me giggle.
Yes, that is Beiber Fever, lol. I can't stand the kid for many different reasons and I was always honest about not liking his songs (he sounds like a girl for one) and my girls just seemed to pick it up and none of them can stand him. Whenever his song comes on they scream at me to change the station. Obviously dd1 and dd2 have friends who just LOVE him and they just say....oh, ok....great. What I find the absolute funniest is they think his last name is Beaver and so that is what they call him.
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Old 01-24-2013, 01:25 PM   #9
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Re: 3rd grade sexy talk -- WWYD?

I'm not there yet, but I'm dreading the same thing, I can totally see the girls in my daughter's kindergarten class coming up with something similar to this, and probably soon! It takes some thought on how to handle it--here is a pretty cool article that I ran across that may help give you some perspective. It's part of a larger picture of girls and self image, but still relevant for you, especially with the obsession with media in our culture. Good luck! Maybe I'll just post this on the forum as well...
http://www.divinecaroline.com/22106/...ine-ways-build
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:02 PM   #10
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Re: 3rd grade sexy talk -- WWYD?

I would say something like "sexy" is an adult word and only adults should say it. I would also let her know that, just like everything else, there are things that are OK for kids to do and things no OK for kids to do and that the hip grind (assuming it was making you uncomfortable) is not OK for kids to do.
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