Diaper Swappers

Mandrice · 01-25-2013, 09:07 AM

I was happily expecting my 4th child, when at 13 weeks we lost baby. People tell me that it was nature, something was wrong with baby. I can't help but feel a little guilty as I wasn't exactly happy when I found out I was pregnant. I keep getting these feelings like, if only I had LOVED this baby more, I would still be pregnant.

TinaDeanette · 01-25-2013, 11:14 AM

it's not your fault, really. It's very easy to blame yourself but please don't. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my little guy at 16 weeks and it took a couple months to stop blaming myself, it wasn't my fault. It just happened.

**FernHollow** · 02-04-2013, 07:46 AM

I am so very sorry. I know it is hard to process, but it is not your fault. I recently miscarried a very surprise pregnancy (we had been actively preventing) and I had been horrified when I first found out I was pregnant. Then we got over it and got really excited just long enough to start making plans, then I miscarried. I cannot explain the guilt that I felt even if I knew it wasn't logical. I don't have any magic words to make it feel better (believe me I could use them as well), but I know that truly our babies knew we loved them even if we had mixed feelings. Again, truly sorry for your loss

homebirthmom · 02-04-2013, 07:50 AM

was right in your spot mama. i was miserable sick and really unhappy, even tho I got pregnant easily and wanted the pregnancy. but I complained a ton, I was so so sick to my standards for over 6 weeks and now that its over I am sad, feeling guilty and terrible...

im sure you have a whole slew of feelings going thru you. take one day at a time, perhaps journal. cry, yell. whatever you need to do.

Love4leon · 02-04-2013, 08:52 AM

I am so very sorry for your loss. I also lost one of our twins at 13 weeks. I still feel super guilty because I kept thinking about how scary it was to have twins and how we would make it work. I had even wished just one had stuck ( we transferred 2 embryos through IVF)

I believe that all the feelings we experience are natural- there is fear with any change even as happy as a baby... so I try not to feel the guilt as much as the loss. The loss is something I will carry with me forever. Take good care of yourself.

Mandrice · 02-11-2013, 01:41 PM

Thanks for all the kind words, mamas. I was hoping it would be just a simple miscarriage, but my doc (who I went to afterwards so I could get on birth control) suspects that it was a molar pregnancy. So, now he is setting up an appointment with an OB so I can go get a D&C and then who knows what. I have read that after a molar pregnancy people need to have monthly blood tests and be on BC for 6-12 months (I am fine with that, need time for baby to be the baby and save $$ for our midwife so no stressing next pregnancy), I'm just anxious for the unknown. I guess there is a chance of it turning to cancer, but cancer is everywhere now a days that it seems like everything causes it. Have any of you experienced a D&C or molar pregnancy? Any advice? Thanks!

painter412 · 02-16-2013, 10:14 PM

you did nothing wrong. it just happens... 1 in every 5 pregnancies miscarry. hug the ones you have. sorry for your loss

tinytushi · 02-16-2013, 10:47 PM

I have experienced both. The D&C was completely painless. I had begun hemorrhaging with my mc and had the emergency D&C. I was in so much pain before, but after the 20 minute surgery the physical pain was gone.

The molar pregnancy was my first pregnancy when I was in my early 20's. I was on BC for 6 months after. I think I had labs ran every 6 weeks. The D&C with that was also completely painless. My OB at the time said that it was rare for a molar to actually cause cancer but that was a possibility so they check to be on the safe side. I would try not to worry. I know easier said than done. The D&C is a very painless procedure. My thoughts are with you during this tough time.

kadesmama · 02-17-2013, 11:00 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think guilt is natural, whether you were trying to get pregnant for years or really didn't want that right when it happened. I felt guilty and i was the former. Try to remember its not you're fault, it will get better with time.

Mirasmom · 02-18-2013, 01:29 PM

So sorry mama. I lost our 4th pregnancy at 13.5 weeks in August. I think it was mostly so hard because after 3 totally uneventful pregnancies and getting pregnant easily I just didn't even consider something would go wrong

it's hard.

01-25-2013, 09:07 AM	#1
Mandrice Registered Users Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Chubbuck, Id Posts: 103 Ratings: 6 Feedback: 100%	Miscarriage at 13 weeks I was happily expecting my 4th child, when at 13 weeks we lost baby. People tell me that it was nature, something was wrong with baby. I can't help but feel a little guilty as I wasn't exactly happy when I found out I was pregnant. I keep getting these feelings like, if only I had LOVED this baby more, I would still be pregnant. __________________ Amanda , wife to Trevor, SAHM of C (5) , and S (2), E (1) , and our angel baby, lost at 13 weeks http://www.facebook.com/hookedbyamanda

01-25-2013, 11:14 AM	#2
TinaDeanette Registered Users Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Arizona Posts: 9,276 Ratings: 48 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	it's not your fault, really. It's very easy to blame yourself but please don't. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my little guy at 16 weeks and it took a couple months to stop blaming myself, it wasn't my fault. It just happened. __________________ J-14, J-8, J-5, J-2, and CJ-16 weeks ~Operation Rainbow~ Under Construction Until November 2013

02-04-2013, 07:46 AM	#3
FernHollow Banned Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 8,397 Ratings: 153 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Miscarriage at 13 weeks I am so very sorry. I know it is hard to process, but it is not your fault. I recently miscarried a very surprise pregnancy (we had been actively preventing) and I had been horrified when I first found out I was pregnant. Then we got over it and got really excited just long enough to start making plans, then I miscarried. I cannot explain the guilt that I felt even if I knew it wasn't logical. I don't have any magic words to make it feel better (believe me I could use them as well), but I know that truly our babies knew we loved them even if we had mixed feelings. Again, truly sorry for your loss __________________ Leaving DS so I can spend less time on the computer and more time with my family

02-04-2013, 07:50 AM	#4
homebirthmom Registered Users Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 7,163 Ratings: 272 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Miscarriage at 13 weeks was right in your spot mama. i was miserable sick and really unhappy, even tho I got pregnant easily and wanted the pregnancy. but I complained a ton, I was so so sick to my standards for over 6 weeks and now that its over I am sad, feeling guilty and terrible... im sure you have a whole slew of feelings going thru you. take one day at a time, perhaps journal. cry, yell. whatever you need to do. __________________ homebirthin mom to 5 4 born unassisted. lost 6 along the way.

02-04-2013, 08:52 AM	#5
Love4leon Registered Users Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 8,349 Ratings: 444 Feedback: 100%	Re: Miscarriage at 13 weeks I am so very sorry for your loss. I also lost one of our twins at 13 weeks. I still feel super guilty because I kept thinking about how scary it was to have twins and how we would make it work. I had even wished just one had stuck ( we transferred 2 embryos through IVF) I believe that all the feelings we experience are natural- there is fear with any change even as happy as a baby... so I try not to feel the guilt as much as the loss. The loss is something I will carry with me forever. Take good care of yourself.