Advice for 2nd baby coming.

[xoxoproverbs31]

We have a 2.5 yo boy and am wondering if there is any advice to helping him transition... ALONG WITH ME?? I've heard that going from 1-2 is the hardest but then 2-3 and so on is a piece of cake.

I've heard that getting a gift from new baby to his older brother is a good idea but not sure how that would affect anything.

Any timeless truths??

[Kiliki]

take it one day at a time

be gentle, kind, and forgiving to yourself

DO NOT expect perfection



I am on my 4th and none of my kids ever had trouble adjusting to a new baby. We never did gifts or any such thing.

We made sure the older ones know that they are our "helpers" ... they get asked to bring diapers or wipes, to fetch pacis, to sing to the baby, to pick out outfits, etc. I will ask an older one to "watch" the baby (who is safely buckled in a swing or bouncy seat) while I use the potty....

Then they get lots of praise for these efforts.

Things like this, we have found, make them feel like they are a part of it all, rather than on the sidelines watching it happen.

And of course, MAKING the time to spend one-on-one time with the older ones helps with any feelings that we might not notice. Sometimes it means you have to sacrifice sleep, or your only fifteen minutes of peace, or your shower that you really need gets put off till tomorrow... but taking that time is important. Read them a book, tickle them, color with them, or just snuggle and talk. They just enjoy (and IMO need) a little extra love when there's a new baby.

Using those two things, we've never had any issues with our kids adjusting.

[sugar_crystalz]

1 to 2 was actually a breeze for me and 2 to 3 was horrible. I basically did nothing different from 1 to 2 and she just fit right in. I've never done the present thing.

[sma123]

1 to 2 was easy... I'll find out about 2 to 3 in about 4.5 wks. My ds (#1) is laid back and sweet... He has always helped with his sister and never displayed any jealousy except for a few nursing related situations. My dd (#2) is the exact opposite - she's extremely demanding, tempermental, and jealous. I did get ds a gift from dd when she was born; however my son would have been fine either way.

[MDever]

We are due with number 5 and yes the 1 to 2 was the most interesting transition. I think preparing them in a very matter of fact way so that they know what to expect is the best thing you can do. Our youngest will be 26mo in a few weeks when our squish arrives. We just remind her periodically that her brother will be coming out of the tummy soon and that he will sleep in the big bed, that he will need to nurse a lot, things like that. She is able to tell us now about her baby brother. She reminds me that he will need a nursie all day, doesn't have any teeth etc. I think if you give off a vibe that you are sorry for disrupting their life or that you do not feel confident it will really impact them. They trust us to take care of everything and make them feel secure kwim?

[scwendy]

Originally Posted by Kiliki take it one day at a time be gentle, kind, and forgiving to yourself DO NOT expect perfection I am on my 4th and none of my kids ever had trouble adjusting to a new baby. We never did gifts or any such thing. We made sure the older ones know that they are our "helpers" ... they get asked to bring diapers or wipes, to fetch pacis, to sing to the baby, to pick out outfits, etc. I will ask an older one to "watch" the baby (who is safely buckled in a swing or bouncy seat) while I use the potty.... Then they get lots of praise for these efforts. Things like this, we have found, make them feel like they are a part of it all, rather than on the sidelines watching it happen. And of course, MAKING the time to spend one-on-one time with the older ones helps with any feelings that we might not notice. Sometimes it means you have to sacrifice sleep, or your only fifteen minutes of peace, or your shower that you really need gets put off till tomorrow... but taking that time is important. Read them a book, tickle them, color with them, or just snuggle and talk. They just enjoy (and IMO need) a little extra love when there's a new baby. Using those two things, we've never had any issues with our kids adjusting.

Agree.

Originally Posted by MDever We are due with number 5 and yes the 1 to 2 was the most interesting transition. I think preparing them in a very matter of fact way so that they know what to expect is the best thing you can do. Our youngest will be 26mo in a few weeks when our squish arrives. We just remind her periodically that her brother will be coming out of the tummy soon and that he will sleep in the big bed, that he will need to nurse a lot, things like that. She is able to tell us now about her baby brother. She reminds me that he will need a nursie all day, doesn't have any teeth etc. I think if you give off a vibe that you are sorry for disrupting their life or that you do not feel confident it will really impact them. They trust us to take care of everything and make them feel secure kwim?

Threadjacking alert- I am due with #5 next month and my LO was also a 12/10 baby and will be 26 months oldwhen this baby comes

[xoxoproverbs31]

Thanks ladies! Another piece of great advice I thought was genius was a friend told me as she was transitioning into having 2 kids under 2 was that if both are crying- go to the older child first as long as baby isn't in pain or safety is an issue. She explained because babies cry for communication but toddlers communicate and understand way more and there is more likely something is wrong with a toddler that cries. Even if its going to them and consoling for a minute and acknowledging them, because that's the stuff they will remember. If momma was there or not when they "needed" it.

Thoughts??

[cowangel]

1 to 2 was hard for me...#2 is/was a handful . Don't beat yourself up about a messy house or kids crying...I think for #1 it was hard to learn how to WAIT even though he was only 2 when #2 was born.

Train the older one to be a helper and let him do anything he wants to in helping - find a diaper, find wipes, find baby a toy...that sort of thing.

For me the TV is a big help especially at the beginning - I always have C/S and need the TV to help entertain the olders while I recover so new to them movies are good or a netflix membership?

If your oldest is NOT already potty trained - don't try until after the baby's 4-5 months old would be my suggestion - too much change at once .

[Kiliki]

Originally Posted by xoxoproverbs31 Thanks ladies! Another piece of great advice I thought was genius was a friend told me as she was transitioning into having 2 kids under 2 was that if both are crying- go to the older child first as long as baby isn't in pain or safety is an issue. She explained because babies cry for communication but toddlers communicate and understand way more and there is more likely something is wrong with a toddler that cries. Even if its going to them and consoling for a minute and acknowledging them, because that's the stuff they will remember. If momma was there or not when they "needed" it. Thoughts??

Well, I think I'm a bit of a hard nose, compared to other moms...

I always went to the baby first, unless I could tell by the cry that it wasn't a big deal AND I knew my toddler needed something immediately.

I just explained that the baby needs lots of extra attention. Babies can't talk, they can't hold things, they can't get their own water cup, they can't feed themselves, etc.

I think this helped my older ones understand that babies need to be tended to quickly and gently. Toddlers are already a little bit independent, usually. So unless it was something that was really necessary or pressing, I typically grabbed the baby first while talking to the toddler.

"Ok, sweetie, I'll be right there, let me grab baby Brother..." *pick up baby, evaluate as you walk* "What do you need sweetie?" listen as you determine how to meet baby's needs. Then prioritize. "Ok, I will get your water real quick and then I need to go put the baby down for a nap." or "I'm sorry, you are going to have to wait for just a minute while mommy changes baby brother's poopy diaper. Could you bring me a diaper?! You are SUCH A GOOD HELPER! ....... Ok, let's go get your crayons! "

It's really just a balance of multi-tasking and prioritizing. For instance, a baby who is sleepy and fussing in a swing can be left to fuss for 2 minutes while you help get a toddler a snack. But a baby who is giving a shrill cry and is starving needs mama sooner than a toddler who is whining about crayons.

KWIM?

Just be sure to communicate all of your reasons to your older kid, and keep them involved with *everything* possible. Have THEM pick out their book to read, have THEM pick out baby's clothes, ask them what they think is wrong with the baby, ask them to bring you a blanket for the baby, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum.

I personally find its more about making the older child feel needed and wanted and important, than trying to manage some other emotions that may or may not be there. I think as adults, we sometimes over-think these tings. As long as they feel like you NEED them, and you WANT them and they are IMPORTANT, that they do a GREAT job in helping you, they will feel loved.