DD has a "secret mommy"

[Palooka]

This might not be something you want to hear, but maybe she wants to call the GF mommy? Maybe she asked and they thought it would hurt her feelings to tell her she couldn't. This might not be the case exactly, but I don't know any 4 year old who can be coerced into calling another woman mommy and then be happy about it later. It sounds like she doesn't have a problem with it.

If I were you I would be hurt, and probably upset. But maybe your daughter has grown to love this woman and sees her as the mommy of her other home. If she's made a good bond and feels comfortable there then that is a positive thing.

That said, secrets are not okay. I wouldn't get upset about the mommy thing, but I would tell the ex and his GF that when adults teach a child to keep secrets they are making them easy prey for abusers and predators. A child should never ever be asked to keep a secret for an adult, and they should be taught that someone who tells them otherwise is a dangerous person. They need to immediately talk to her and explain that adults and children do NOT get to have secrets.

[BabyNMe_101]

What really matters isn't what she calls your ex's GF... what really matters is the sentiment. Mommy is just a title, a name. What really matters is that you love her and care for her. She doesn't love you any less if there is another "Mommy."

[miraclebaby]

We have a VERY similar situation with DSS. He calls his mother's husband "daddy" and my husband, his BIODAD "MY FATHER".
We have been over and over how this isn't his 'dad' and he shouldn't cal him that.
Needless to say he still calls him daddy, and prbly always will. All you can do is be supportive of her while she's little, as she gets bigger she'll figure out he's a useless idiot. And hate him for it. Just make sure you never say bad things about him to her, because then you'll also be the bad guy.
She knows you love her, she'll work it out. Its hard to watch your kids struggle emotionally, but its part of growth.

[mindylikeomg]

I'm divorced and my DD calls me "mommy" but told me she calls her stepmom "mama" sometimes.. She refers to her as "Kellie" for the most part and accidentally calls me Kellie instead of mommy sometimes and it really hurts.

[Jlg325j]

That's horrible, I"m so sorry.

[JeDeeLenae]

Originally Posted by mindylikeomg I'm divorced and my DD calls me "mommy" but told me she calls her stepmom "mama" sometimes.. She refers to her as "Kellie" for the most part and accidentally calls me Kellie instead of mommy sometimes and it really hurts.

My kids come home calling me Crazy Grandma... :/

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

[dissidentdad]

I can understand how this may hurt you. However, I think you should take joy in the fact that while you may have issues with this other person that you feel is taking your title away from you, they still treat your child in a way that the child thinks positively about that person. As adults we often create a negative environment for ourselves. That this other person is able to act in a way that makes your child able to trust and have affection for an adult other than you is a good thing. I would hate to see the post that would be here if this person treated your child badly and in a way that made your child hate that person.

[iheartinky]

Originally Posted by ButtRpies Yeah, it might have slipped...like it does with my dd's teacher at school calling her Mommy but the fact that they didn't correct it, that's wrong, especially since you and your ex had an agreement to that effect. Now, this will be a VERY delicate situation. Because if you go to your ex and make it an issue, inevitably, your DD will hear about it; either the actual conversation with him or your ex and his gf talking about it afterwards or you and your roommate talking about it. This will make her feel like she shouldn't have said anything and may actually solidify her not telling you things. I speak from experience because this happened to me when I was her age with my parents. It lead to me keeping my life at dad's seperate and secret from my mom because she'd hear about something we did or said and I knew it made her mad so I just stopped telling her things that happened while I was there and she seemed happier that way. It may be ALOT harder to take the high road and ignore it but that's what I would suggest. Maybe just smile about the little 21 year old gf playing house and how she's envious and wants what you have but she'll NEVER BE YOU! YOU are that little girls Mama. And I guarantee that your DD will stop calling ANY other person Mom or Dad by the time she's 7 and realizes, "hey, this chick is SO NOT my mom. And I sure as heck ain't calling her that!" Again, from experience. Good luck Mama! It really isn't confusing to her. She knows. If they are asking/forcing her to call this chick mom then I would just talk to your DD about how if she wants to it's ok but if she doesn't she is in her full right to not call her that and that you will step in if she wants and talk to them about how she doesn't like calling her that.

This! I can tell you that I have been dealing with this type of nonsense for well over six years now. Believe me when I tell you that this is very good advice. As mad as you are now, I highly suggest you take time to really think this over. Good luck to you.

[iheartinky]

Obviously I didn't read far enough through the posts. This will be a life long battle and only the first. I hope things get better for you!