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Old 01-29-2013, 04:01 PM   #11
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Yeah, but I think rather than stop complementing the dads, the better answer is to start complimenting the moms.
He actually says in his article he thinks we should continue to appreciate these things dad's do. I don't think the compliments are the point at all. I think the point was he felt that society should start expecting "fathering" from father's. Basically he is disappointed in the "low bar" set for dad's and thinks we need to work on changing that.

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Old 01-29-2013, 05:12 PM   #12
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Re: The involved dads...

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I don't think the compliments are the point at all. I think the point was he felt that society should start expecting "fathering" from father's. Basically he is disappointed in the "low bar" set for dad's and thinks we need to work on changing that.
I think so too It's great to hear all the stories too! It's very inspiring
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:16 PM   #13
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Re: The involved dads...

In my neck of the woods--big city--it's completely normal to see kids with all kinds of caregivers: moms, dads, nannies, grandparents, as well as single-parent families and families with gay or lesbian parents. Tons of dads do drop-off or pick-up at dd's school; in our house, dh does drop-off and I do pick-up. At the park, there are always plenty of dads out with their kids. When we take dd to birthday parties, there's about a 50/50 split between dads/moms as the parent-on-call.

When we lived in the suburbs, there was a much greater expectation that moms would be taking care of the kids, making the school lunches, and going to the birthday parties. But I still saw plenty of involved dads among dd's friends.
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:22 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mibarra

He actually says in his article he thinks we should continue to appreciate these things dad's do. I don't think the compliments are the point at all. I think the point was he felt that society should start expecting "fathering" from father's. Basically he is disappointed in the "low bar" set for dad's and thinks we need to work on changing that.
ITA
DH is super involved and doesn't think twice about it. When comments are made about uninvolved dads he's like,
So he had this funny story about one time going outlet shopping with DD and I was trying to tell the story to my friends, but I never got past, "so dh took dd up to the outlets last week..." They couldn't get past the idea that he would actually leave the house, with one kid, to go clothes shopping :-) ummmmm yeah if he didn't she would be naked, lol.
His dad was super uninvolved though, so he is consciously trying to be UNlike him.
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Old 01-29-2013, 08:00 PM   #15
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His dad was super uninvolved though, so he is consciously trying to be UNlike him.
That's awesome
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Old 01-29-2013, 08:46 PM   #16
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Re: The involved dads...

Love the blog.

I think in this society, women are seen as the care givers, so when a man is out with his children he is either seen as creepy or amazing. My DH has had some comments before when out with our boys. He took ds1 to a movie when ds2 was little so I could get some rest with ds2, and some older ladies were all "oh how cute a daddy with his son" yadda yadda yadda. My DH kind of finds it offensive because he doesn't like the stereotype that men only work or whatever adn aren't involved in their kids' lives.
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Old 01-30-2013, 12:11 AM   #17
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Re: The involved dads...

True.
DH is an amazing Dad.
My Dad was there, but we respected him out of fear.
DH is so kind and loving that he has shown me more than what I ever knew about "Dads"
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Old 01-30-2013, 06:34 AM   #18
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Re: The involved dads...

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ITA
DH is super involved and doesn't think twice about it. When comments are made about uninvolved dads he's like, .
We've had this experience as well. Once, when dd was maybe 1, he was at the park and someone commented, "Oh, how cute, are you babysitting her today?" He was baffled. She's his kid. He doesn't "babysit" her--he parents her!
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Old 01-30-2013, 10:20 AM   #19
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Dh takes DD out by himself all the time. He said others make him feel weird when he's out with her. He gets stink eyes from older ladies, like she's not his child, or weird parenting advise or correction, like he doesn't know what he's doing because he's a man. Or if he takes her to the bathroom to get changed he gets looks like he's some pedo. This doesn't steer him away from taking her out, he loves his alone time with her, and he loves being a father, but it does bother him that fathers aren't looked at as fit, proper, or competent caregivers. I'm not sure if its just because we live in a small town and its not seen often, or if it is a truely international problem.
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Old 01-30-2013, 10:28 AM   #20
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Re: The involved dads...

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Originally Posted by jennayoung99 View Post
Dh takes DD out by himself all the time. He said others make him feel weird when he's out with her. He gets stink eyes from older ladies, like she's not his child, or weird parenting advise or correction, like he doesn't know what he's doing because he's a man. Or if he takes her to the bathroom to get changed he gets looks like he's some pedo. This doesn't steer him away from taking her out, he loves his alone time with her, and he loves being a father, but it does bother him that fathers aren't looked at as fit, proper, or competent caregivers. I'm not sure if its just because we live in a small town and its not seen often, or if it is a truely international problem.
We live in a pretty big city, and my dh has had the same experiences. A few weeks ago, he took dd to the park and an older lady came up and asked dd if he was her dad. I was so pissed when he told me about it, urg! He does get a lot of unsolicited, bad advice, but then again, so do I, so I'm not sure how much of it is gender-based!
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