2yo DD Touching Lady Parts. .

[DesertRat]

Originally Posted by soonerfan How can you not allow masturbation? It has nothing to do with you, doesn't impact you, doesn't harm you, isn't your body, etc. I can even understand never discussing it with your kids or telling your kids that *you* do not do that, even in private, because it is something for marriage only(which I assume then means even once married, you only enjoy with spouse present), but I don't understand not allowing a natural, self-centered, harmless personal choice. ETA: Serious question--you say you don't punish kids for masturbation because sex is outside the scope of understanding for them. So, would you punish a masturbating teenager who does understand sex? I'm not being snarky, but my heart really and truly breaks for any child who is told masturbation outside of marriage is not allowed or is told their privates are dirty with pee so they don't touch them. Seriously--breaks my heart.

I don't believe it's harmless. I believe it has spiritual implications. All sin (and sex outside of marriage is sin) distances us from God. There are also benefits to waiting until marriage to experience those feelings. Sex (and all the feelings associated with it) and normal, natural and SACRED. Our bodies are sacred. And the desires we all have are not only normal, but they are important! If my child feels guilty for masturbating it won't be because they've been taught their bodies are bad. They just have been taught that there is a more appropriate time and place for for experiencing sexual arousal.

It's like saying a kid who steals a candy bar shouldn't feel bad about it. Wanting a candy bar is okay. Having a candy bar is okay. Taking a candy car without means to pay for it is not okay. Guilt is not a terrible thing. It means you're doing something you've been taught not to.

As for punishment , no, I could not and would not punish a teenager for masturbating. (assuming I knew about it) There's not much I could do about it anyway. At that point, it's between them and their God. But we will, throughout their lives, talk about the sacred nature of intimacy, why it is better to wait until marriage and the blessings that come from a healthy intimate relationship with one's spouse.

I don't expect to everyone to agree with my parenting choices or my spiritual beliefs. But implying that teaching a child not to masturbate is going to somehow ruin their perception of their bodies is absolutely not true.

[hilaryisinked]

Originally Posted by DesertRat I don't believe it's harmless. I believe it has spiritual implications. All sin (and sex outside of marriage is sin) distances us from God. There are also benefits to waiting until marriage to experience those feelings. Sex (and all the feelings associated with it) and normal, natural and SACRED. Our bodies are sacred. And the desires we all have are not only normal, but they are important! If my child feels guilty for masturbating it won't be because they've been taught their bodies are bad. They just have been taught that there is a more appropriate time and place for for experiencing sexual arousal. It's like saying a kid who steals a candy bar shouldn't feel bad about it. Wanting a candy bar is okay. Having a candy bar is okay. Taking a candy car without means to pay for it is not okay. Guilt is not a terrible thing. It means you're doing something you've been taught not to. As for punishment , no, I could not and would not punish a teenager for masturbating. (assuming I knew about it) There's not much I could do about it anyway. At that point, it's between them and their God. But we will, throughout their lives, talk about the sacred nature of intimacy, why it is better to wait until marriage and the blessings that come from a healthy intimate relationship with one's spouse. I don't expect to everyone to agree with my parenting choices or my spiritual beliefs. But implying that teaching a child not to masturbate is going to somehow ruin their perception of their bodies is absolutely not true.

I agree with you. Masturbation outside of marriage in my opinion is sin. Impure thoughts are thought to reach climax. That's sin. My children will be aware of this. I can't stop them from it of course. DH & I had premarital sex and partook in masturbation and we dealt with our own guilt and repentance. I believe masturbation can have its place in a marriage, but outside, no. In my opinion it is sin and that's what I will teach my children. I will also talk to them about how I struggled with premarital sex and all the heartache that came with it. I want them to know the consequences of what we choose to do with our bodies.

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

[cdeweese]

Originally Posted by hilaryisinked I agree with you. Masturbation outside of marriage in my opinion is sin. Impure thoughts are thought to reach climax. That's sin. My children will be aware of this. I can't stop them from it of course. DH & I had premarital sex and partook in masturbation and we dealt with our own guilt and repentance. I believe masturbation can have its place in a marriage, but outside, no. In my opinion it is sin and that's what I will teach my children. I will also talk to them about how I struggled with premarital sex and all the heartache that came with it. I want them to know the consequences of what we choose to do with our bodies. Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

I agree with all of this. It's not shaming sexuality to teach children what you believe to be right. It's all about HOW you go about it. I stated in my earlier post that I was not allowed to touch myself and my mother never encouraged me to go to my room to do it either. She taught me what we believe to be right in the eyes of God. That does not give children complexes. I had very candid discussions with my mother about sexuality, body parts, how to use them, etc. My husband and I have a great sex life and aren't in the minority. We have many friends and family that were raised the same way and are totally secure about their bodies. You don't have to agree, but to tell someone that their religious beliefs about masturbation are wrong and going to hurt their children... If the conversations are respectful and encourage an open line of communication that is not the case.

[Newton]

My DD did the same around the same age. At home she could either go to her room b/c it was private or stop in the rest of the house. We did not encourage bathroom in the same category as bedroom b/c of the fact it's hard to teach which bathroom is ok. In public, it was just, this is private for at home, not in the grocery store. Bringing a toy along to occupy her hands or a snack helped too. Good luck!

[Kiliki]

Originally Posted by soonerfan Some things universally are not ok to do to kids, regardless of belief system. Shaming masturbation, sexuality and their very body by telling them wrongly that privates are covered in pee is wrong and the last thing isn't even factually accurate. Your kids are fine now, but history and studies show that sort of teaching will cause problems later on. That's just reality, not a difference of our opinions.

Actually my kids aren't great wipers and require baths everyday b.c they typically have some pee or poo still on their bits. Lol. I am certainly not lying when I tell them that's where pee comes from and playing with that part of your body is unclean. Maybe it's the climate we live in, but private parts are normally sweaty and damp all the time. Sorry, but that's gross. Asking questions and exploring your body can be saved for bath time. I don't see how that's hindering anything, seems like normal hygienic common sense to me. I also disagree with your accusation that I am shaming them.

This is a pretty useless argument to have, honestly. It's already been established numerous times that I am abusive to my kids, since I spank and don't short order cook their meals. I guess I can just add this to my list and start saving for their therapy session later.

You are not going to change my mind and I am surely not going to change yours. I don't see a purpose in going back and forth.

Originally Posted by DesertRat I don't believe it's harmless. I believe it has spiritual implications. All sin (and sex outside of marriage is sin) distances us from God. There are also benefits to waiting until marriage to experience those feelings. Sex (and all the feelings associated with it) and normal, natural and SACRED. Our bodies are sacred. And the desires we all have are not only normal, but they are important! If my child feels guilty for masturbating it won't be because they've been taught their bodies are bad. They just have been taught that there is a more appropriate time and place for for experiencing sexual arousal. It's like saying a kid who steals a candy bar shouldn't feel bad about it. Wanting a candy bar is okay. Having a candy bar is okay. Taking a candy car without means to pay for it is not okay. Guilt is not a terrible thing. It means you're doing something you've been taught not to. As for punishment , no, I could not and would not punish a teenager for masturbating. (assuming I knew about it) There's not much I could do about it anyway. At that point, it's between them and their God. But we will, throughout their lives, talk about the sacred nature of intimacy, why it is better to wait until marriage and the blessings that come from a healthy intimate relationship with one's spouse. I don't expect to everyone to agree with my parenting choices or my spiritual beliefs. But implying that teaching a child not to masturbate is going to somehow ruin their perception of their bodies is absolutely not true.

Agree. This is how I feel. Thank you for explaining it better than myself.

[JennTheMomma]

You don't pee from your vagina or clitoris.

[Kiliki]

Originally Posted by hilaryisinked I agree with you. Masturbation outside of marriage in my opinion is sin. Impure thoughts are thought to reach climax. That's sin. My children will be aware of this. I can't stop them from it of course. DH & I had premarital sex and partook in masturbation and we dealt with our own guilt and repentance. I believe masturbation can have its place in a marriage, but outside, no. In my opinion it is sin and that's what I will teach my children. I will also talk to them about how I struggled with premarital sex and all the heartache that came with it. I want them to know the consequences of what we choose to do with our bodies. Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

Originally Posted by cdeweese I agree with all of this. It's not shaming sexuality to teach children what you believe to be right. It's all about HOW you go about it. I stated in my earlier post that I was not allowed to touch myself and my mother never encouraged me to go to my room to do it either. She taught me what we believe to be right in the eyes of God. That does not give children complexes. I had very candid discussions with my mother about sexuality, body parts, how to use them, etc. My husband and I have a great sex life and aren't in the minority. We have many friends and family that were raised the same way and are totally secure about their bodies. You don't have to agree, but to tell someone that their religious beliefs about masturbation are wrong and going to hurt their children... If the conversations are respectful and encourage an open line of communication that is not the case.

Agree with these.

Clearly I am not the only person who feels the way I do on this subject.

[Kiliki]

Originally Posted by JennTheMomma You don't pee from your vagina or clitoris.

Thank you, I am aware of that. Those parts, due to their proximity, wind up with urine on them. Always have IME anyway. Maybe I have a genetic defect.

[JennTheMomma]

Originally Posted by Kiliki Thank you, I am aware of that. Those parts, due to their proximity, wind up with urine on them. Always have IME anyway. Maybe I have a genet defect.

I wasn't specifically replying to you. Girls are suppose to wipe from front to back so you do not get urine or feces in your vagina or on your clitoris. I was just saying it because it seemed like a lot of people were referring to vagina as an area that generally has pee on it, which it shouldn't, and I've met many women in the past few years who didn't know that you didn't pee from your vagina.

[listalees]

Gotta say, I'm a little confused as to why masturbation outside marriage is not ok but inside of marriage it can be ok. I mean, if you already have another source for that pleasure, you have less need to masturbate. But, if you haven't found someone, that release is just another thing unavailable to you. No companionship, no love, no partner....let's just add no pleasure to the list. Seems a bit unfair that the people most sinful in masturbation are the ones that are alone.

A person's sexuality is something that exists whether or not they are married. Also I agree that it is somewhat of a physical and mental release. It is also good for maintaining strength in those pelvic muscles. And I do think woman have more successful sex lives if they already know how to relax and are familiar with the area and have some idea about what does and does not feel good.

Also, in the case of young children it is not sexual at all. They have no fantasies linked to it, they have no concept of sex. They just find it feels good, like if they were stroking their own arm or something.


As to my girls, I will teach them that any interaction they have with their womanhood should be done in private. When they get older, I will talk to them about what a big deal it is to share their body with another person. I will much more concerned with their knowledge that it is special and not to be shared with just anybody.