Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-30-2013, 09:00 PM   #61
mamatoclaire's Avatar
mamatoclaire
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,784
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiliki

I'm sorry you have had problems in this area.

I think I have a pretty good balance going on.

My own mom made me feel REALLY weird about anything related to body parts or sex or nudity. I have friends who can't use tampons b/c they are terrified to touch their private parts. So I know - from personal experience, and from seeing it firsthand - that you can totally screw someone up in this regard if you are not careful.

I certainly am not advocating never letting kids explore their bodies or ask questions. We use proper terms for body parts. My 6 y/o is very open in asking tons of detailed questions....

Personally, I don't allow masturbation. I think the pleasure that comes from that is designed to be enjoyed in the marriage arrangement. That does NOT mean that I punish kids for doing it. That would be ridiculous, as they have no idea what sex is yet, and it's totally beyond their grasp to understand such a thing.

But I do redirect and discourage it.

Exploratory touching/looking IMO is different from touching for the pleasurable aspect. And that is something that happens during baths, or while changing clothes - times when the kids know they are allowed to be naked, in the privacy of their rooms/bathroom. (I frequently get "Moooooom! Can you come here! I need to have a private talk with you! ..... What's THIS?!" from my 6 y/o when she is changing clothes or bathing. And that is totally fine.) Maybe I didn't say that clearly or very well in my post. Maybe it would not have mattered even if I did. I dunno.

I realize others feel differently. That is ok. I think we have a good balance going on here. I certainly understand this is a difficult thing to handle perfectly, it's a delicate subject, and a fine line to walk. But I think I'm doing alright so far... Though I do *sincerely* appreciate your thoughts/wisdom.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DesertRat

I don't believe it's harmless. I believe it has spiritual implications. All sin (and sex outside of marriage is sin) distances us from God. There are also benefits to waiting until marriage to experience those feelings. Sex (and all the feelings associated with it) and normal, natural and SACRED. Our bodies are sacred. And the desires we all have are not only normal, but they are important! If my child feels guilty for masturbating it won't be because they've been taught their bodies are bad. They just have been taught that there is a more appropriate time and place for for experiencing sexual arousal.

It's like saying a kid who steals a candy bar shouldn't feel bad about it. Wanting a candy bar is okay. Having a candy bar is okay. Taking a candy car without means to pay for it is not okay. Guilt is not a terrible thing. It means you're doing something you've been taught not to.

As for punishment , no, I could not and would not punish a teenager for masturbating. (assuming I knew about it) There's not much I could do about it anyway. At that point, it's between them and their God. But we will, throughout their lives, talk about the sacred nature of intimacy, why it is better to wait until marriage and the blessings that come from a healthy intimate relationship with one's spouse.

I don't expect to everyone to agree with my parenting choices or my spiritual beliefs. But implying that teaching a child not to masturbate is going to somehow ruin their perception of their bodies is absolutely not true.
I agree I will never support or teach masturbation. I have never masturbated, I was a virgin when I got married, and I have an awesome sex life. I have never had a complex about my body. There is definitely a way to teach appropriate behavior without shaming a kid and teaching them their body is dirty. I hope to teach my kids that sex is awesome! But that is it also sacred and that sex and activities that encourage arousal should only be between husband and wife.

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

Advertisement

__________________
mamatoclaire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2013, 09:04 PM   #62
ulawolf's Avatar
ulawolf
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: michigan
Posts: 3,499
Quote:
Originally Posted by listalees View Post
Gotta say, I'm a little confused as to why masturbation outside marriage is not ok but inside of marriage it can be ok. I mean, if you already have another source for that pleasure, you have less need to masturbate. But, if you haven't found someone, that release is just another thing unavailable to you. No companionship, no love, no partner....let's just add no pleasure to the list. Seems a bit unfair that the people most sinful in masturbation are the ones that are alone.

A person's sexuality is something that exists whether or not they are married. Also I agree that it is somewhat of a physical and mental release. It is also good for maintaining strength in those pelvic muscles. And I do think woman have more successful sex lives if they already know how to relax and are familiar with the area and have some idea about what does and does not feel good.

Also, in the case of young children it is not sexual at all. They have no fantasies linked to it, they have no concept of sex. They just find it feels good, like if they were stroking their own arm or something.

As to my girls, I will teach them that any interaction they have with their womanhood should be done in private. When they get older, I will talk to them about what a big deal it is to share their body with another person. I will much more concerned with their knowledge that it is special and not to be shared with just anybody.
Yes
ulawolf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2013, 09:07 PM   #63
Kiliki's Avatar
Kiliki
Registered Users
Formerly: kr***y
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 9,397
Re: 2yo DD Touching Lady Parts. .

Quote:
Originally Posted by listalees View Post
Gotta say, I'm a little confused as to why masturbation outside marriage is not ok but inside of marriage it can be ok. I mean, if you already have another source for that pleasure, you have less need to masturbate. But, if you haven't found someone, that release is just another thing unavailable to you. No companionship, no love, no partner....let's just add no pleasure to the list. Seems a bit unfair that the people most sinful in masturbation are the ones that are alone.

A person's sexuality is something that exists whether or not they are married. Also I agree that it is somewhat of a physical and mental release. It is also good for maintaining strength in those pelvic muscles. And I do think woman have more successful sex lives if they already know how to relax and are familiar with the area and have some idea about what does and does not feel good.

Also, in the case of young children it is not sexual at all. They have no fantasies linked to it, they have no concept of sex. They just find it feels good, like if they were stroking their own arm or something.


As to my girls, I will teach them that any interaction they have with their womanhood should be done in private. When they get older, I will talk to them about what a big deal it is to share their body with another person. I will much more concerned with their knowledge that it is special and not to be shared with just anybody.
I believe that ALL sexual acts should be reserved for those who are married. I believe this is what the Creator intended.

As to whether it feels good, is physically or psychologically "good for you", makes you more fulfilled as a person, helps you save your virginity, helps you "release", makes you sleep better.... or whatever other arguments there are in favor of it, they all become invalid in my mind when I consider God's thoughts on the matter.

For me, the Bible is the final authority on all matters. No amount of science or.human logic can trump what the One who designed us has to say about what is right or wrong or healthy or not for humans.

I feel that pretty accurately sums up my thoughts. With that, I am bowing out of this thread.
Kiliki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2013, 09:11 PM   #64
Kiliki's Avatar
Kiliki
Registered Users
Formerly: kr***y
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 9,397
Re: 2yo DD Touching Lady Parts. .

Quote:
Originally Posted by JennTheMomma View Post
I wasn't specifically replying to you. Girls are suppose to wipe from front to back so you do not get urine or feces in your vagina or on your clitoris. I was just saying it because it seemed like a lot of people were referring to vagina as an area that generally has pee on it, which it shouldn't, and I've met many women in the past few years who didn't know that you didn't pee from your vagina.

I am sure I know people IRL who do not know this. It's sad!


I dribble. No jet spray, maybe that's my problem. Lol.

Way TMI going on in this thread, lol.
Kiliki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2013, 09:28 PM   #65
JennTheMomma's Avatar
JennTheMomma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 7,820
My Mood:
^ now that I think about it I had a lot of men in previous childbirth education classes that didn't know either. The looks on their faces when I pointed to the urethra on a diagram
JennTheMomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2013, 09:39 PM   #66
soonerfan
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,754
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiliki

I believe that ALL sexual acts should be reserved for those who are married. I believe this is what the Creator intended.

As to whether it feels good, is physically or psychologically "good for you", makes you more fulfilled as a person, helps you save your virginity, helps you "release", makes you sleep better.... or whatever other arguments there are in favor of it, they all become invalid in my mind when I consider God's thoughts on the matter.

For me, the Bible is the final authority on all matters. No amount of science or.human logic can trump what the One who designed us has to say about what is right or wrong or healthy or not for humans.

I feel that pretty accurately sums up my thoughts. With that, I am bowing out of this thread.
But the bible says nothing about masturbation. Your god didn't share thoughts on touching oneself privately.
__________________
Many things to many people.
soonerfan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2013, 09:58 PM   #67
AbbieJack's Avatar
AbbieJack
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 5,217
Re: 2yo DD Touching Lady Parts. .

Quote:
Originally Posted by DesertRat View Post
I don't believe it's harmless. I believe it has spiritual implications. All sin (and sex outside of marriage is sin) distances us from God. There are also benefits to waiting until marriage to experience those feelings. Sex (and all the feelings associated with it) and normal, natural and SACRED. Our bodies are sacred. And the desires we all have are not only normal, but they are important! If my child feels guilty for masturbating it won't be because they've been taught their bodies are bad. They just have been taught that there is a more appropriate time and place for for experiencing sexual arousal.

It's like saying a kid who steals a candy bar shouldn't feel bad about it. Wanting a candy bar is okay. Having a candy bar is okay. Taking a candy car without means to pay for it is not okay. Guilt is not a terrible thing. It means you're doing something you've been taught not to.

As for punishment , no, I could not and would not punish a teenager for masturbating. (assuming I knew about it) There's not much I could do about it anyway. At that point, it's between them and their God. But we will, throughout their lives, talk about the sacred nature of intimacy, why it is better to wait until marriage and the blessings that come from a healthy intimate relationship with one's spouse.

I don't expect to everyone to agree with my parenting choices or my spiritual beliefs. But implying that teaching a child not to masturbate is going to somehow ruin their perception of their bodies is absolutely not true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hilaryisinked View Post
I agree with you. Masturbation outside of marriage in my opinion is sin. Impure thoughts are thought to reach climax. That's sin. My children will be aware of this. I can't stop them from it of course. DH & I had premarital sex and partook in masturbation and we dealt with our own guilt and repentance. I believe masturbation can have its place in a marriage, but outside, no. In my opinion it is sin and that's what I will teach my children. I will also talk to them about how I struggled with premarital sex and all the heartache that came with it. I want them to know the consequences of what we choose to do with our bodies.

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdeweese View Post
I agree with all of this. It's not shaming sexuality to teach children what you believe to be right. It's all about HOW you go about it. I stated in my earlier post that I was not allowed to touch myself and my mother never encouraged me to go to my room to do it either. She taught me what we believe to be right in the eyes of God. That does not give children complexes. I had very candid discussions with my mother about sexuality, body parts, how to use them, etc. My husband and I have a great sex life and aren't in the minority. We have many friends and family that were raised the same way and are totally secure about their bodies. You don't have to agree, but to tell someone that their religious beliefs about masturbation are wrong and going to hurt their children... If the conversations are respectful and encourage an open line of communication that is not the case.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamatoclaire View Post
I agree I will never support or teach masturbation. I have never masturbated, I was a virgin when I got married, and I have an awesome sex life. I have never had a complex about my body. There is definitely a way to teach appropriate behavior without shaming a kid and teaching them their body is dirty. I hope to teach my kids that sex is awesome! But that is it also sacred and that sex and activities that encourage arousal should only be between husband and wife.

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiliki View Post
I believe that ALL sexual acts should be reserved for those who are married. I believe this is what the Creator intended.

As to whether it feels good, is physically or psychologically "good for you", makes you more fulfilled as a person, helps you save your virginity, helps you "release", makes you sleep better.... or whatever other arguments there are in favor of it, they all become invalid in my mind when I consider God's thoughts on the matter.

For me, the Bible is the final authority on all matters. No amount of science or.human logic can trump what the One who designed us has to say about what is right or wrong or healthy or not for humans.

I feel that pretty accurately sums up my thoughts. With that, I am bowing out of this thread.
I agree with all of these !

Quote:
Originally Posted by soonerfan View Post
But the bible says nothing about masturbation. Your god didn't share thoughts on touching oneself privately.
Yeah it does IMO Here are a few verses off the top of my head

James 1:14-15

Galatians 5:16

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
__________________
Helpmeet to a wonderful DH Mommy to A 8J 5
Angel baby 12-25-11 , W 4-16-13 - 4-30-13 E4-12-14
AbbieJack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2013, 11:50 PM   #68
MyLovely's Avatar
MyLovely
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: In Transit
Posts: 3,357
Re: 2yo DD Touching Lady Parts. .

Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbieJack View Post
Yeah it does IMO Here are a few verses off the top of my head

James 1:14-15

Galatians 5:16

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
Those say nothing about masturbation, they are referring to sex. It would take some very liberal contorting and personal interpretation to stretch those verses to include masturbation. How can masturbation be assumed to be a "sin of the flesh" if it is never even discussed outright? By that logic, I can say that getting a shoulder rub is a "sin of the flesh".
__________________

Last edited by MyLovely; 01-30-2013 at 11:51 PM.
MyLovely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2013, 11:54 PM   #69
firststella's Avatar
firststella
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 1,377
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tris
Completely normal. I don't teach them no, because IMO it's perfectly natural to want to explore your own body, but I do redirect and make sure it's clear they only do it in their room or during their alone time.
This. It is a completely normal stage of child's development. They explore their body and as long as this activity stays in the private time it is ok.
My 3yo DD does exactly the same thing when falling asleep, sometimes when she'svery tired she doesn't.
firststella is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-31-2013, 04:54 AM   #70
soonerfan
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,754
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyLovely

Those say nothing about masturbation, they are referring to sex. It would take some very liberal contorting and personal interpretation to stretch those verses to include masturbation. How can masturbation be assumed to be a "sin of the flesh" if it is never even discussed outright? By that logic, I can say that getting a shoulder rub is a "sin of the flesh".
I agree.
__________________
Many things to many people.
soonerfan is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.