C-section shame

[lilannies mama]

Oh this thread I tell you what that c-section shame whatever lol. It took one time for someone to say I got off easy & that I really didn't have my baby she was taken out of me & I blew up. I have never been so mad in my life. I was like easy you think it was easy my baby's heart had stopped I about lost her & if cutting me open for her to love is what it took then so be it. And as for me not having her she was taken I was somebody had her & as far as I remember she was in my belly for 7 months before she had to be delivered. & I see all of you holding her & giving googly eyes so if I didn't have her I guess y'all don't want to see her then? That shut them all up. I let them know real quick like lol I'm just mean though when it comes to my baby it's not like I asked for it but when a dr tells you we lost a heartbeat we got to get her out what do you say no cause I want a real birth no you. Say save my baby now. Plus any way that happens that your baby has to be birthed is the right way as long as the baby is healthy. You all just had to get me started lol!!

[amandajiggles]

What an extremely ignorant comment, and from a nurse!?!? I have had two emergency c-sections. the first was an induction and failure to progress.My baby was big and I had too much Amniotic fluid and she had other complications that required surgery.I was in labour for the better part of 48 hours and only got to 3cm. Baby would not come down. This time I was prepared for a homebirth. I went into labour on my own at 40w3d was doing great, my water broke and was unbelievably green with meconium. We went to the hospital and did not progress at all in 6 hours of very active labour. Baby was in distress and needed to be taken out VIA emergency c-section and I was showing signs of uterine rupture. Not everyone who has a C- Section needs one, alternatively not everyone who has one necessarily wants to have it. Also, since when are C-sections easier? It is major abominal surgery and should not between lightly. the risks associated with CS's are far greater than those vaginal deliveries. Just because there is a great debate going on about natural vs.surgical delivery does not mean that the procedure does not have it's merits. I am pro natural delivery. and fought twice forth opportunity to experience it, and can say without a doubt that my girls would not be here today if not for my c-sections. Recovery was very difficult, especially the 2nd time around. l would have ripped her a new one If she said that to me.

[Nittany]

Sadly, there are 2 sides to every story. Moms who plan VBACs get told all the time how dangerous it is. It's also a lot harder to find a provider willing to work with you.

My first baby was declared "too big" for my pelvis and was section. It was completely traumatizing for me! I met a woman at a moms' group who told me how she would have had a c-section had she not gone to a birth center. She was so self-righteous about it that I went home and cried! I did manage to have an unmedicated VBAC. Quite frankly, I think c-section moms deserve a medal for what they go through. No one would expect you to go home and care for a baby while recovering from any other surgery!

But I do share my story with other women because I know many women get told their pelvises are too small and that's not always the correct assessments. It's not that I think woman *should* have VBACs but I hate for them to feel broken!

Originally Posted by essential1892 Well, the day after my c-section guess who I saw in the hallway? My neighbors husband all dolled up in scrubs, waiting for his wife to get a c-section. That put a smile on my face!

Well, if you want to laugh and smile more, I desperately wanted a VBAC but my baby flipped breech. I cried for a week before my surgery. I worked so hard to prepare myself for a VBAC and it didn't happen. I was so upset.

[leesahk14]

giving birth is tough job, so regardless of how you do it your a rockstar!

[AutumnRose]

Honestly I'm not ashamed of my c-sections. I'm not happy or proud either. I feel jipped. And yeah you're right it doesn't help when other ppl make you feel like you are less of a woman for not being able to.

I was in full labor with DS for 24 hours, after my water had been leaking for 2 days. Yeah there was no way I didn't try!

After a failed VBAC with DD#1 I just don't care any more. It is what it is and everyone else can just take a hike with their uneducated presumptuous comments.

A PP comment mentioned watching other mama's walking about the room with their NB while we are stuck in bed hardly moving, yeah what fun huh? What slackers we are taking the 'easy way out'. Maybe the next time someone says this to me I will recamend they go get cut in half, sewn back together and handed a NB and see how EASY it is. HAHAHA!

[DallasK]

My c-sections are also required, and it breaks my heart. I REALLY want a 4th but my doctor says she cant recommend that I try for a 4th because repeat c-sections get more risky. We still haven't decided what to do, but I wish I could have my babies the v-way so that I wouldn't be limited to just three.

[bigmamakelsey]

Originally Posted by jaelynsmommy61607 The problem is so many Drs tell women they physically couldn't deliver vaginally and they're full of it. So much distrust has come from this. I even suffer from this. If I was told this I'd probably get a second and third opinion. I do believe there are women that cannot deliver but the percentage is really low. For the record I'm not challenging you on this just giving perspective. I do feel sad for women who have a csection. Because I've been on both sides. Having a unmedicated home birth doesn't make you a hero. But its so freeing.

I agree with all of this, but especially the bolded. The percentage is low that women are actually unable to have vaginal births, but making comments assuming that it WAS your choice can be a dangerous statement for the small percentage that actually are not able. I think that most women commenting don't truly mean harm or purposefully shame you (you speaking in generality) but it's hard to always know what to say to a women how has had a c-section, since a lot of women DO feel guilty or scarred from their experience. I think a lot women feel a need to cushion the blow by saying things like that ("sounds like you made the right decision" or "the most important thing is a healthy baby" ect.) OP, I totally see your point that it can be a kick in the gut to hear things like that continually, but women aren't mind readers, ya know? I think most people don't say things just in the spirit of making the mom feel guilty about her c-section, most often it's probably coming from a empathetic or (seemingly) helpful place.

[bigmamakelsey]

Originally Posted by essential1892 What I think is funny is that the moms who tote around their beautiful home/natural births like medals to be shown off to the world are going to look really lame when their kids are 23 years old and they are still talking about it. You gave birth in your bed- good for you. This other person had a c-section, good for them. So and so breastfeeds, wonderful. That person formula feeds, great. Your baby can read the dictionary cover to cover, wowza. Who cares? These things do not matter in the long haul. Your kid was born healthy and you managed to keep them alive until they were adults and then you managed to kick them out so that they could get on with their lives and you could finally have some alone time with your husband. By the way- I had three c-sections and never once felt ashamed. When I was pregnant with baby #2 my neighbor's baby had almost the same due date. She insisted she was having a vbac and would not shut up about it, trying to make me feel inferior. Well, the day after my c-section guess who I saw in the hallway? My neighbors husband all dolled up in scrubs, waiting for his wife to get a c-section. That put a smile on my face!

Ugh..what a horrible way to put it. It put a smile on your face to see a mom having a c section? There is nothing wrong with c sections in theory, but I wouldn't wish it on someone who clearly wanted a different birth. Birth can be incredibly empowering. It can also be incredibly scarring - no matter how you do it.

And yes, I will still be talking about my home births years down the road. And that's fine. Just like it's fine for you to talk about your kids cesarean births. Pot, meet kettle.

[mamalusbear]

It's unfortunate there is a lot of judgement. I'm in the same boat you are, I truly cannot have a vaginal birth and I'm scheduled for my second c-section a week from tomorrow. My first son was born out of an emergency c-section, after two failed inductions that lasted four days....the whole experience was very difficult. I feel like a planned c-section is the safest and best choice for myself and the new baby. If I could have a natural delivery I would, but I can't. I wish we could all support each other as Moms in our decisions. The judgement is unfortunate.

Originally Posted by IloveDoris89 I am not ashamed of my c-sections, I truely cannot deliver vaginally, my c-sections did not result from labor complications. But sometimes I think other mothers expect you to have shame from it. With that being said I feel like a lot of "all natural" "water-birthing" mama's make me feel like crap about having c-sections. I find alot of people have good intention but should really keep their mouth shut when it comes to opinions about how someone should deliver unless they are a doctor that HAS had a peek at my insides. Other wise theyre not qualified to tell me that I "can" or "should" have a VBAC. I had my first c-section 4 years ago, I had my second last May. Through those years I have come across old and young women that sometimes make feel like less of a mother because I deliver by c-section. I hate it. The worst is when they say "I'm sure you made the best choice for you" I did not get a damn choice! My body doesn't work the same as yours, the only choice I realistically had was to live or die fom child birth. C-section is not a "choice when your hooha holes don't line up, its a must. grrr! -endrant.

[megenic]

I have honestly never experienced any shame or judgement about my c sections but then I don't live in a very crunchy or natural area.

With my first, I was induced at 42 weeks with pitocin, didn't progress, and had a section after 12 hours of pitocin labour. I was so happy to have that baby pulled out of me, didn't care how it happened.

With Dd2, I chose a repeat section at 39 weeks for (gasp, horror) selfish reasons. I had no family or friends around who could watch my daughter if I went into labour, so I scheduled the c section and knew when she would be coming.

My recoveries were so fast and easy. I left the hospital at 48 hours pp and was working out normally at 7 weeks pp.

If I have another baby I will opt for another section. Can I have a baby naturally? Probably. Is it easier for me to have a section? Definitely.

People can judge all they want. I'm happy with my decisions and all that matters to me is a healthy baby at the end. How it comes out is irrelevant to me.

I do feel badly for women who really desire a natural birth and don't get their wish for whatever reason. I can't imagine the heartache of being denied that experience.