Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-08-2013, 09:56 PM   #11
lizgrace07's Avatar
lizgrace07
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,249
Re: He wants to be in our bed. period.

Our oldest was like that and we put a twin bed right up next to our bed to make one big mega bed. Plenty of room for everyone. Could you try that?

Advertisement

__________________
Catholic wife to the very best hubby in the world and mama to four boys:
John-Paul, William, Oliver, and Teddy.
lizgrace07 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2013, 10:40 PM   #12
Palooka's Avatar
Palooka
Registered Users
Formerly: jenn.***
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,449
My Mood:
Re: He wants to be in our bed. period.

We've tried a couple different arrangements with a cosleeper, the crib a foot or two away from our bed, and us sleeping on the floor next to his crib. In every scenario he wants to be in our bed. He likes to snuggle next to me in a certain spot and nothing else will do.

He would love to fall asleep there every night, but...
- As a couple we need to reclaim the bed, as it were
- Babe enjoys this hilarious game where he dives off furniture with the expectation someone will catch him. He is also a total sneaker (my status is an homage to him), and if he doesn't plummet loudly onto the hardwood floor it means he is tip-towing around the room in search of outlets, bathroom doors and choking hazards.
- Hubby and I are on different schedules so we can't just be in bed. Often there is only one of us here until late and we'd like to do dishes, laundry, etc.
- What happens when I'm out of town for work? I'm not sure it's totally safe for hubby to be in charge of the family bed from 8pm to 7am. KWIM?
Palooka is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2013, 11:03 PM   #13
Palooka's Avatar
Palooka
Registered Users
Formerly: jenn.***
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,449
My Mood:
Re: He wants to be in our bed. period.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jam's mum View Post
J is the exact same way. She has a toddler bed at the foot of our bed, but she requires one of us to lie down on our bed, next to her, with a hand through the railing, in order to fall asleep. At about 2 in the morning, she crawls in to sleep with us, and we either sleep through it or are too tired to care. I weaned her at 13 months, but she still takes a bottle of water throughout the night.

About 45 minutes after she goes down, she wakes up again, one of us has to go up, soothe her back to sleep and then tiptoe out the room.

This past week (not realising she was sick [oops]) I foolishly thought I'd let her cry it out, and that surely she would give up and go back to sleep. Not so. Now her body is on hyper-alert to us leaving while she's asleep and even when she naps, we can't leave her. I'm not even allowed to put my glasses on (I take them off when I lie down next to her) .

So no advice, except CIO backfired on us in a big way.
Oh no, poor Jammy! Well that gives you something to feel guilty about for a while I guess.
Palooka is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2013, 11:22 PM   #14
MamaWillow
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 4,584
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenn.mcc View Post
We've tried a couple different arrangements with a cosleeper, the crib a foot or two away from our bed, and us sleeping on the floor next to his crib. In every scenario he wants to be in our bed. He likes to snuggle next to me in a certain spot and nothing else will do.

He would love to fall asleep there every night, but...
- As a couple we need to reclaim the bed, as it were
- Babe enjoys this hilarious game where he dives off furniture with the expectation someone will catch him. He is also a total sneaker (my status is an homage to him), and if he doesn't plummet loudly onto the hardwood floor it means he is tip-towing around the room in search of outlets, bathroom doors and choking hazards.
- Hubby and I are on different schedules so we can't just be in bed. Often there is only one of us here until late and we'd like to do dishes, laundry, etc.
- What happens when I'm out of town for work? I'm not sure it's totally safe for hubby to be in charge of the family bed from 8pm to 7am. KWIM?
You aren't going to like what I have to say. He misses you! You WOH and this is his tine to reconnect with you. And it's your time to reconnect with him. He is still so little. I hate the thought of a baby sad in a crib when he just wants to be close to his number one person. It's normal human behavior.

I say put him to bed in your bed. He will already feel more secure knowing he's where he wants to be and may sleep a longer stretch. Do "it" somewhere else; the couch, living room floor, baby's room, the pantry. Get creative. You don't need your bed for that.

Push the bed up against the wall so one side is safe, then either get a rail for the other side or put the mattress on the floor temporarily until he learns to get off the bed. If he's sleeping when you leave, there isn't anything to worry about right? If he wakes up in the dark it's more likely that he would cry for you rather than get off the bed and stick his fingers in the outlets in the dark.

Again, if you cab put him to sleep in your bed it might decrease his need to wake up all evening and you could get some stuff done.

Why wouldn't your DH be able to handle it? Your DS is old enough to be safe next to his daddy, if that's what you are worried about. He's not going to squish him I don't think. And it may be a really awesome bonding time for them to get to sleep together while you are out of town.

I'm saying all this because like you I fought this for years. I wanted my own bed! I wanted my kids to sleep in their own room! Finally I gave in and accepted that it's a normal, biological need to sleep with a parent. It's true, Google Kathryn dettwyler. I will try to find the link, but she's an anthropologist who wrote a paper about it. In traditional societies around the world children sleep with their parents for several years.

Once I was able to accept this, things got soooo much easier! It was peace and harmony in my house! Kids got to sleep with mama and mama stopped feeling resentful and frustrated. It's really nice now and I know that I only have a couple more years until they don't want to sleep with me. Theses years will go by quickly. Cherish it.
__________________
Rachel, SAHM to a 9yo teenager , a 4yo charmer , and a toddling koala bear , and wife to my hard-working hubs. Mostly AP, co-sleeping (with all 3!), BFing, quite crunchy, thrifty, curly-haired mama. Loving my life.
MamaWillow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2013, 11:29 PM   #15
MamaWillow
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 4,584
My Mood:
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

This is my favorite article perhaps of all time. It is so helpful for me!
__________________
Rachel, SAHM to a 9yo teenager , a 4yo charmer , and a toddling koala bear , and wife to my hard-working hubs. Mostly AP, co-sleeping (with all 3!), BFing, quite crunchy, thrifty, curly-haired mama. Loving my life.
MamaWillow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-09-2013, 11:04 AM   #16
Mom2jandb's Avatar
Mom2jandb
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,963
Can you not just be with him in your bed until he falls asleep, then you get up? Or get him a big bed and get in it with him? That's what we do.
Mom2jandb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-09-2013, 08:20 PM   #17
Shaylee's Avatar
Shaylee
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Small Town New England
Posts: 659
Re: He wants to be in our bed. period.

Believe me, I get it. Sometimes you just want some time or space to yourself but Baby's sleep routine will probably get more predictable if you let him in your bed.
IMO.....this time passes so quickly. If you weren't such a caring, sweet mama, you wouldn't have co slept this long. It sounds like it breaks your heart to hear him cry. If you commit to letting him in your bed or bedroom, his anxiety over being put in his crib by himself will likely fade and everyone will probably sleep better.

Enjoy him while he is little.
__________________
Mama to
and
My IVF Miracle Marchkin born January 2012
Shaylee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2013, 06:22 AM   #18
Fairycat
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 5,288
My Mood:
Re: He wants to be in our bed. period.

This is some of what I worked with DS on, now mind you I started some of this when my DS was older, but some I did younger too.

Start with the side car setup. Then try adding a blanket or pillow (like a bollster or regular firmer pillow that is harder to roll up on) between you both AFTER he has fallen asleep. Be there to reassure him you are there if he wakes looking for you, but do your best to keep the barrier up. Then you can try to bump the crib up to the bed with the side back on, touch him threw the bars let him know you are there, we did that step with a toddler bed with a guard on the side ourself, but your guy is probably too young for that. Then move the crib as he gets more used to the space between you while you sleep. Personally we liked the slower approach we had less tears and it worked better for all of us.
Fairycat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2013, 12:09 PM   #19
NotLad's Avatar
NotLad
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The UT
Posts: 2,436
My Mood:
Re: He wants to be in our bed. period.

You're caving after 30 minutes. If you want the crib to work, you're going to learn how to stick to your guns.
NotLad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2013, 01:08 PM   #20
Palooka's Avatar
Palooka
Registered Users
Formerly: jenn.***
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,449
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by NotLad View Post
You're caving after 30 minutes. If you want the crib to work, you're going to learn how to stick to your guns.
We don't cave at bedtime. The most he cries at bedtime is 30ish minutes, with me going in to comfort him every five. but when he wakes again after 11pm we don't have a choice about caving. We live in an apartment and our neighbors would complain if we let him cry late at night. We simply cannot let him cry at night.
Palooka is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.