February/March Chat Thread

[WynneBabies]

Beth, my aunt and uncle live in Green Bay. Good luck with the move!

Jen, how exciting! Will they not look at dad's family unless he does a DNA? Sounds promising!

Ingrid, thinking about you. Hope court went okay.

[millermyer2]

Not a lot going on here! We just celebrated baby N's 1st birthday.

We thought mom was doing good but at our last meeting with the cw she said somethings have come up that she has to look into. She didn't tell us what but it didn't seem good they way she said it. We have an ACR meeting on the 20th and a permanency hearing April 18. we have cant make it to the ACR meeting but are going to the permanency hearing. I am excited and nervous about this! I have never been in a court room before let alone with a bio parent.

Dad was supposed to be sentenced back in October but never showed up. He has not been in contact with anyone since. What does that do for rights? Are the automatically terminated?

[shortandsweet]

ok I need a little advice. FD is almost 4, and has been with us for 3 months. When she came, she was in pullups & basically not potty-trained at all. We have been working on it & she'd been doing really well - less than one accident every week. But suddenly she's having tons of accidents, like 5-6 per day and almost never making it to the potty in time. It's gotten bad enough that I have her in a diaper today b/c we don't have enough clothes to go through 6 pairs of pants every day. I don't know what to do about it though. Should I just ignore it & use diapers as needed and hope it passes quickly? Or keep her in underwear and make her try to go every hour? This is our first placement and I know regressions are common, but I'm not sure how to handle it. Thanks!

[~*~Sunflower~*~]

Originally Posted by shortandsweet ok I need a little advice. FD is almost 4, and has been with us for 3 months. When she came, she was in pullups & basically not potty-trained at all. We have been working on it & she'd been doing really well - less than one accident every week. But suddenly she's having tons of accidents, like 5-6 per day and almost never making it to the potty in time. It's gotten bad enough that I have her in a diaper today b/c we don't have enough clothes to go through 6 pairs of pants every day. I don't know what to do about it though. Should I just ignore it & use diapers as needed and hope it passes quickly? Or keep her in underwear and make her try to go every hour? This is our first placement and I know regressions are common, but I'm not sure how to handle it. Thanks!

I always have believed in child-led potty training (with subtle encouragement if they are older) & more so with foster children. Potty accidents are very common for children when they are going through trauma (for example, my oldest would pee herself whenever she was upset, esp after a rare phone call/visit with her bio dad). I definitely think putting her in undies should be avoided unless she wants them.

[luvbeingmomma]

shortandsweet,

I would use praise and rewards when she goes but dont stress over it. Give her a choice of a pull up or panties. Small rewards when she goes potty and a bigger reward when she goes all day and keeps her big girl panties dry.

[newmommy13]

I recommend going to court to everyone! It was awkward but worth it. I learned a lot.

[dalynn1997]

short and sweet - My potty tips from doing daycare and foster care. When I am noticing that a child is potty ready and has some understanding of reward we make a daily potty necklace. I use those foam craft sheets and cut into a star or heart then hole punch and tie around neck with yarn. Each day they get a new necklace. I put a sticker on the front when they potty in the potty. They get and X on back when they have an accident. At first when there are more stickers then X then they get a small reward. When they are consistently being rewarded each day, I up the ante. They only get a reward if there are NO X for the day and only stickers. Once they are going about 3 days a week with NO accidents, then we go and buy about a $10 item from store they picked out. To get their potty toy they have to go one week solid NO accidents. The toy lives on a shelf above toilet waiting to be earned. We talk about it and how they get to get it. It usually take 3 - 6 weeks for them to earn their toy. I make a huge deal out of it every time they play with it about how special it is because now they are big and they earned it. If they regress, then the toy goes back on the shelf to be re-earned since it is a big kid toy. Usually it is earned back pretty quick and only one or two times. I only expect daytime dryness for this and do something similiar when night training. I have had this work for a variety of kids and have had several other moms try with positive results. It works best for a child around 3 with a the toy. The necklace works earlier but loses its effectiveness if done too long. Good luck.

[shortandsweet]

thanks everyone for the advice. She definitely wants to be in underwear. We did a sticker chart for a while, but I like the daily necklace idea. I think I'll try something like that!

[Mama2ManyBoyz]

I'm struggling lately with how much to tell caseworkers/therapists and then when I do not coming off as though I think bio's are the devil and the kids have zero attachment to them. Does anyone kwim? Recently I told the caseworker some things that I had been keeping to myself, because I felt like if I told her she would think I was out to get bios and just wanting to keep dfd. But due to problems she was having I came out with it anyway. I felt like caseworker was like "holy crap, I had no idea, why haven't I heard this before" but didn't say that, just got the vibe. Then afterwards I felt guilty like I made it sound like dfd has no love for bios. OMG I could drive myself bonkers worrying about all this. Does anyone have any idea what I'm talking about and how do you deal???????

[FindingMercy]

Originally Posted by Mama2ManyBoyz I'm struggling lately with how much to tell caseworkers/therapists and then when I do not coming off as though I think bio's are the devil and the kids have zero attachment to them. Does anyone kwim? Recently I told the caseworker some things that I had been keeping to myself, because I felt like if I told her she would think I was out to get bios and just wanting to keep dfd. But due to problems she was having I came out with it anyway. I felt like caseworker was like "holy crap, I had no idea, why haven't I heard this before" but didn't say that, just got the vibe. Then afterwards I felt guilty like I made it sound like dfd has no love for bios. OMG I could drive myself bonkers worrying about all this. Does anyone have any idea what I'm talking about and how do you deal???????

I have no advice. I can see how you would feel like you were tattling or something or just pushing your own agenda of wanting to adopt. I'm sure it's a hard balance to strike.

We are in the home stretch. Tuesday is birthdad's last day to contest and we haven't heard from him since our failed attempt at a conference call. It appears he wants out of the picture.

I've been texting regularly with birthmom. She seems to be leaning toward adoption for this new baby. His/her dad says he's not ready for a child (he already has one with her that he doesn't help with) and she has said she can't take care of anymore kids on her own. I haven't asked her what he thinks about the adoption potential. I'm hoping that Abraham and I can fly down to visit her this spring, potentially even to go to an appt with her (20 week ultrasound perhaps). I'd like to talk to her in person about all of this and she's been wanting to see Abraham.