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Old 02-12-2013, 08:47 PM   #1
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DS is hitting again

DS has gone through phases of lots of hitting since he was an infant. Now that he's bigger (almost 3.5 and a big kid for his age), it's really getting hard to deal with. He hit a little boy with a shovel at daycare, and the poor kid has a black eye (why they let 2and 3 year olds have metal shovels I don't know). I'm afraid they're going to kick him out, which would be rough, since he's been there since he was 10 months.

I need to try something different to deal with this when he's at home, I think. They are going to log the hitting at school to see what causes it; I'm thinking a no-tolerance policy for hitting (any kind of hitting) is maybe the way to go, but I'm not sure what the consequence should be. We don't spank, and till now have only done holding time outs (ie I hold him until he calms down). But I would welcome suggestions, especially from any of you who've dealt with hitters.


working mom to Owen 10/29/2009 and wife to Brad.
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Old 02-12-2013, 09:00 PM   #2
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We did timeouts for 1st offense. If he's only ever been held I probably pick an easy to discriminate spot (we use a square of tile in front of our door, the rest of the room is carpet) and 1 full minute. Then I explain hitting hurts and we don't want to hurt our friends. There are always phases for us too, weeks where it's ALL THE TIME, then nothing for awhile
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Old 02-13-2013, 08:18 AM   #3
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Re: DS is hitting again

At 3.5 he should be pretty verbal and aware of right and wrong. With my 3 year old I have him explain the situation to me and we talk about what he should have done differently instead of hitting. I always ask my kids to give me the full story in a very calm way to make sure I'm getting the truth. We have no tolerance for putting your hands on other people so there will always be a consequence for it...typically timeout(in a designated spot) for 3 minutes (longer for my older son). Depending on what happened and if I witnessed it he may get a spanking, usually he only gets a spanking if he was the sole aggressor and wasn't provoked. We use a wooden spoon. We hardly ever have to spank our kids but there are some situations where I find it more effective. If they are hurting others or in danger of hurting themselves. If they do not show remorse from timeouts or don't take them seriously (playing/talking when they are in timeout).

We have a neighborhood boy that is nearly 6 and a bully, we've known his family for a few years now and since we've known them he's always been a bully. We've had to stop playing with them because of how aggressive and dangerous he can get when he's mad. If his parents witness him hitting they will put him in their lap and tell him that's not nice and that he needs to say sorry. Obviously with him it has no effect because the minute he thinks an adult isn't looking he's actively trying to hurt other kids. It makes me so mad because the rare occasion that my son fights back or tries to defend another friend the bully makes a big show for his parents and tries to blame the whole thing on my son. He knows exactly how to work the system and is an expert manipulator of kids and adults alike.
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Old 03-01-2013, 02:11 PM   #4
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I've also used social stories to help my DS learn to calm himself down. He was around 3 1/2 when He was in a hitting stage. Especially boys don't really understand how to think about what they did. I also got him some relaxation stories type. He has great language skills but would get overwhelmed with his emotions and couldn't calm himself down.
After he calmed then we always talked about it so he understood we don't hit. Named feelings too.
When he wouldn't stay in time out we had a stool that is tall with no back that he was too scared to jump off. He hates it.
If he needs me to calm. Then his time out starts after he's calm and staying put. A 3 min time out has lasted 30 min before.
He grew out of it. He still loses it occasionally, but he's 4. It happens. But we don't hit in our house we say. Hitting hurts.
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