Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

[Mom2Connor]

Originally Posted by 7mom7 I've often wondered the same thing about abortions. I think it gets sticky legally but it doesn't seem fair that the dad gets no say. It also seems like the courts favor moms in custody issues. Sad.

Unfortunately the dad gets no say if mom wants an abortion. It is very very sad.

[luvsviola]

I know that if you are married, the husband is legally considered the father, even if he isn't really the father. When DS was born, his mother's husband went on the birth certficate, even though everyone knew he wasn't the father, and he was given that man's last name per Indiana law. They then had to petition the court for paternity to have his name changed to the real father's name. They did that when he was about 5 months old.

I think the father can consent for the circ without mom's approval here because only one parent has to consent.

As far as naming, the mom can put whatever she wants on the paper, but the dad can take her to court to use his name, and it will be legally changed to the dad's name.

[luvsviola]

Originally Posted by Mom2Connor Unfortunately the dad gets no say if mom wants an abortion. It is very very sad.

Yet the wife has to consent if the man wants a vasectomy. Such a strange double standard.

[I_run_with_scissors]

when we did our kids birth certificates online one of the questions it asked was if mom and dad agreed to naming the child that name. I dont know what would happen if i clicked no instead of yes....

for things like naming, circumcision ect i think both parents should have equal say, assuming they both plan to parent the child

[Mom2Connor]

We are both in Indiana. (meant to quote luvsviola)

So what happens on the other end of the spectrum? Mom wants to circ and dad doesn't?

We did not do our BC online, the info was filled out in the hospital and mailed out to us.

Most people seem to be answering the "dads should have equal rights." certainly I agree. But no one knows what happens legally if dad doesn't agree and wants to fight it? First name? Doesn't want his son circ'd at the hospital at 24 hrs old?

[happysmileylady]

I think the thing with abortion, as well as with the actual process of childbirth, the patient is the mother, not the child. Therefore, it's a matter of patients rights. Once the child is born, that child is a patient in his or her own right, and either parent has the right of a parent. But until that point, legally, the child isn't really the patient, so there aren't any parents rights in play.

That is really what the crux of the issue in the abortion debate-is there one person or two?

[escapethevillage]

Morally speaking only...and only from my own point of view.

I would let Dad make the final decision on circing. But, if it were important enough to me, I think anybody I was married to would defer to mom's gut feeling.

As far as names go, I think I would compromise, but I would never saddle my child with a bad name, just because my husband loved it. I would saddle them with a bad middle name though.

Last name would be the same way. If my husband had a really bad last name, I'd probably use my average last name instead. My exs last name was Hooker. So, our daughter has my last name. My friend's last name was D!*kincast. Fifth grade was hard for her. LOL.

[ktmelody]

Originally Posted by luvsviola Yet the wife has to consent if the man wants a vasectomy. Such a strange double standard.

I didn't have to consent to my husbands vasectomy.

Any ways there is too many unknowns.

I named my first daughter without the help of her father, he refused to sign the birth certificate so I refused to give him any control in what was done with her.

He relinquished his rights after admitting paternity and she was adopted by my husband.

If she had been a boy she would not have been circed and I wouldn't have asked for his opinion. (We split up when I was still pregnant with her)

Had my husband wanted to circ when ds was born I would have refused and never let my son out of my sight. Thankfully we were both on the same page prior to him being born.

[l_Kimmie_l]

My ex had my oldest DS circ'ed without my consent. I was PO like no other. I got him handed back in a way I will never forgive for. He wanted it done and I did not. We were never married.

[CASMama711]

For circ, only one parent has to consent, but if the other parent explicitly voices a refusal before it's been done, then it can't (legally) be done.

This is exactly what happened with my DS. He was born prematurely and my DH and I had discussions about circ, but we hadn't reached an agreement before he was born. My DH signed a consent for it while I was still unconscious following a traumatic birth. Luckily, the NICU doesn't circ until discharge and I found out about the consent my DH had signed and refused the circ before it was completed, so DS was not circed.