Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

[JennTheMomma]

I'll probably sound horrible, but I don't think a 2 week old baby, regardless of how it's fed, should be spending over nights away from mom (unless mom of course cannot take care of baby). There is no way I could have my 2 weeker away from me for even an over night. My hormones would be going crazy and that's not good for mom still doing postpartum recovery. I do agree that father's have rights and should be able to spend quality alone time with their baby regardless of age, but that doesn't have to be over night away from the mother.

[EmilytheStrange]

Originally Posted by JennTheMomma I'll probably sound horrible, but I don't think a 2 week old baby, regardless of how it's fed, should be spending over nights away from mom (unless mom of course cannot take care of baby). There is no way I could have my 2 weeker away from me for even an over night. My hormones would be going crazy and that's not good for mom still doing postpartum recovery. I do agree that father's have rights and should be able to spend quality alone time with their baby regardless of age, but that doesn't have to be over night away from the mother.

I don't think you sound horrible.
I think the situation sounds horrible.

I hope none of us ever have to go through that. I cannot imagine.

[happysmileylady]

Originally Posted by JennTheMomma I'll probably sound horrible, but I don't think a 2 week old baby, regardless of how it's fed, should be spending over nights away from mom (unless mom of course cannot take care of baby). There is no way I could have my 2 weeker away from me for even an over night. My hormones would be going crazy and that's not good for mom still doing postpartum recovery. I do agree that father's have rights and should be able to spend quality alone time with their baby regardless of age, but that doesn't have to be over night away from the mother.

I totally disagree. By this reasoning, the babies adopted at birth are suffering, as are those birth mothers. And I don't think that's true. If a baby is being cared for by a loving family member, the baby will be just fine.


And just in general, as this relates to the OP, why do the rights of one parent have to trump the rights of the other?

[JennTheMomma]

Originally Posted by happysmileylady I totally disagree. By this reasoning, the babies adopted at birth are suffering, as are those birth mothers. And I don't think that's true. If a baby is being cared for by a loving family member, the baby will be just fine. And just in general, as this relates to the OP, why do the rights of one parent have to trump the rights of the other?

I didn't say anyone was suffering. I just can't agree thinking a 2 seeker needs to be going back and fourth like that. An adopted baby wouldn't be going back and fourth.

[CASMama711]

Originally Posted by Mom2Connor Still not understanding how parents can equally decide opposite things. You either circ or you don't. So I guess whoever gets the kid alone first can make that decision and the other parent can't contest it for any reason? And whoever gets to fill out the BC paperwork first wins, but the other parent can legally change it, then the other change it back until someone gives up?

My previous post explained the circ issue when parents disagree. They both have equal rights to consent or refuse. I explained more in post #30.

[luvsviola]

Originally Posted by JennTheMomma I didn't say anyone was suffering. I just can't agree thinking a 2 seeker needs to be going back and fourth like that. An adopted baby wouldn't be going back and fourth.

My son was in foster care by this point, and being schlepped all over the place. Children know what they are used to. They are way way way more adaptable than people give them credit for. If kiddo is used to 3 days on 4 days off, he doesn't know any different and will adapt just fine. If you are bottle feeding, there is absolutely no reason to withhold dad's parenting privileges. I would prefer to see dad have 6 hours each evening where mom leaves and dad cares for baby in the same house, instead of that long, just so kiddo sleeps in the same bed every night. But most parents aren't agreeable to that.

[umphreysmommy]

Originally Posted by JennTheMomma I'll probably sound horrible, but I don't think a 2 week old baby, regardless of how it's fed, should be spending over nights away from mom (unless mom of course cannot take care of baby). There is no way I could have my 2 weeker away from me for even an over night. My hormones would be going crazy and that's not good for mom still doing postpartum recovery. I do agree that father's have rights and should be able to spend quality alone time with their baby regardless of age, but that doesn't have to be over night away from the mother.

Yup, I agree. Also in my state (MA) dads don't have overnights until baby is over 1 regardless of feeding. my friend fought for his formula fed baby but was not granted overnights. I think babies do need their moms more naturally.

I also think there must be some confusion and suffering for adopted at birth babies and moms. I know everyone gets over it but mom still has hormones surging and baby has to be confused where its natural mother is by smells etc.

[FindingMercy]

Originally Posted by happysmileylady I totally disagree. By this reasoning, the babies adopted at birth are suffering, as are those birth mothers. And I don't think that's true. If a baby is being cared for by a loving family member, the baby will be just fine. And just in general, as this relates to the OP, why do the rights of one parent have to trump the rights of the other?

I do think adopted babies go through some suffering after birth and I know for a fact birthmoms do as well. There are whole books written on it (primal wound? Something like that).

[PoshPants]

Originally Posted by luvsviola I would prefer to see dad have 6 hours each evening where mom leaves and dad cares for baby in the same house, instead of that long, just so kiddo sleeps in the same bed every night. But most parents aren't agreeable to that.

I think dad and mum should suck it up and work it out and try to be civil and the baby spend time with dad in their own home.

As parents we often have to do thins we don't want to do for our kids.

[JennTheMomma]

Originally Posted by luvsviola My son was in foster care by this point, and being schlepped all over the place. Children know what they are used to. They are way way way more adaptable than people give them credit for. If kiddo is used to 3 days on 4 days off, he doesn't know any different and will adapt just fine. If you are bottle feeding, there is absolutely no reason to withhold dad's parenting privileges. I would prefer to see dad have 6 hours each evening where mom leaves and dad cares for baby in the same house, instead of that long, just so kiddo sleeps in the same bed every night. But most parents aren't agreeable to that.

2 weeks old is just to young IMO. There is more to a mother newborn relationship than just her boobs. My newborns would have nothing to do with anyone, including dad/DH at 2 weeks of age, and ds1 was bottlefed. I don't think it's healthy to make a newborn go through that. Older kids, sure they might adjust better, but a 2 week old who is still learning who mom /dad is, still learning to regulate their temperature and so on? No I don't think so. A newborn needs better stability than that and there is no reason why a dad can't spend a few hours a day with baby instead of an overnight at that young age. They are barely out of the womb.