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Old 03-19-2013, 08:37 AM   #21
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Re: Starting to research adoption and have a few questions

it depends on your location as well. i was told last year there is a county in our state that had so many newborns in foster care and not enough homes that they had to contact private adoption agencies to look for homes for the babies. our county has a high rate of adoption by foster homes. there is a DS mom in my town (fostermomjen or jenfostermom? lol what is her DS name?!?) who is going to finalize her 4th adoption in 5? years? 2 newborns, 1 was 6 months, and 1 was a toddler at placement. its possible to finalize in under a year here. this is a totally different experience from what wynnebabies has had and even what i have had in the same county as the jen so you just don't know.

my dd is 5 and we have been very open with her about the situation of our placements. she gets it as much as anyone can. as adults we even have a hard time with the logic behind the actions of dcfs. i do wish we had kept more from her. she knows that Js mom loves him very much and that she is working very hard to get him back and we have discussed how hard it would be for him to never be able to be with his mommy again. this is really heavy for a 5 year old. usually my policy is strict honesty but this case with the twins has been so back and forth it has really got to be confusing for her. it is confusing for me. we will approach our next placement very differently. because she is an only child i really feel bad for how she will react when/if he goes home. half the time i think she will be crushed and half the time i think she will welcome a little peace lol

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Old 03-19-2013, 11:42 AM   #22
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Re: Starting to research adoption and have a few questions

It does depend on your area, but I have known so many people who have been on their way to adoption and a relative comes out of the woodwork. Happened twice to us now. Like with our current, lets just say mom has had in the double digits of kids now and never has one gone to a maternal relative. Surprise! This one looks like she may... Very frustrating. That said, I do think we are in the minority of being over two years into it unable to adopt any. Seems like most eventually get a placement they can adopt by now.
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Old 03-19-2013, 02:45 PM   #23
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Re: Starting to research adoption and have a few questions

Thank you ladies, this is the biggest struggle in our decision making right now. To have a "baby sister" taken from the boys when they want one so bad would be so hard on all of us. I am continuing to research and reaching out to local foster families to hear their stories.
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Old 03-19-2013, 03:10 PM   #24
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That is a great choice! They will have the scoop.
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Old 03-20-2013, 07:58 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by newmommy13
it depends on your location as well. i was told last year there is a county in our state that had so many newborns in foster care and not enough homes that they had to contact private adoption agencies to look for homes for the babies. our county has a high rate of adoption by foster homes. there is a DS mom in my town (fostermomjen or jenfostermom? lol what is her DS name?!?) who is going to finalize her 4th adoption in 5? years? 2 newborns, 1 was 6 months, and 1 was a toddler at placement. its possible to finalize in under a year here. this is a totally different experience from what wynnebabies has had and even what i have had in the same county as the jen so you just don't know.

my dd is 5 and we have been very open with her about the situation of our placements. she gets it as much as anyone can. as adults we even have a hard time with the logic behind the actions of dcfs. i do wish we had kept more from her. she knows that Js mom loves him very much and that she is working very hard to get him back and we have discussed how hard it would be for him to never be able to be with his mommy again. this is really heavy for a 5 year old. usually my policy is strict honesty but this case with the twins has been so back and forth it has really got to be confusing for her. it is confusing for me. we will approach our next placement very differently. because she is an only child i really feel bad for how she will react when/if he goes home. half the time i think she will be crushed and half the time i think she will welcome a little peace lol
Yup that's me.

We have had 37 placements in 6 years, about half of which were infants. We were placed with our first adoptable newborn after 15mos of being licensed, the second a year later. The adoptions took a really long time (18mos post TPR for the first, 6mos for the second). I have a toddler and a newborn now, both of which are TPRing here shortly and hoping to finalize before the end of the year. It can happen, but I don't think it's typical.

Our kids have had some issues with the in and out of foster kiddos. My kids were 2,4,6 and 8 when we started and it took a lot of explaining at first. Now they are 8,10,11 and 13 (plus the littles we adopted) and they are really used to it.
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:29 PM   #26
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Re: Starting to research adoption and have a few questions

We havent had a single placement in almost a year. We have been foster parents for over 2 yrs with just 1 placement. We are getting very discouraged. Starting to think about trying domestic infant adoption via an agency or giving up our dream all together

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Old 03-21-2013, 05:50 PM   #27
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Re: Starting to research adoption and have a few questions

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Originally Posted by luvbeingmomma View Post
We havent had a single placement in almost a year. We have been foster parents for over 2 yrs with just 1 placement. We are getting very discouraged. Starting to think about trying domestic infant adoption via an agency or giving up our dream all together
i'm so sorry mama!
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Old 03-25-2013, 11:12 AM   #28
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Re: Starting to research adoption and have a few questions

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Originally Posted by luvbeingmomma View Post
We havent had a single placement in almost a year. We have been foster parents for over 2 yrs with just 1 placement. We are getting very discouraged. Starting to think about trying domestic infant adoption via an agency or giving up our dream all together
so sorry mama, that must be so hard!
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