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Old 04-16-2013, 10:35 PM   #1
Jenyquintero17
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Tandem nursing- need support :(

It's killing me... not the fact that I'm doing it but that I can't seem to find a balance. My daughter is 23 months and our newborn arrived April 5th. My daughter never weaned, we breastfed the entire pregnancy and now she wants it more then ever. She had been nursing less and less while I was pregnant. We got in the habit of having daddy put her to bed instead of nursing. But now it's breaking my heart because when he takes her to bed she cries and asks for mommy CeeCees (boobs). I always said I would never refuse but I wouldn't offer and lately we have been trying to distract her with other things but It doesn't always work. She knows her brother is getting it and she can't understand why she can't have the other one. I've nursed them both at the same time but I feel like she drains me so fast and I feel bad if our newborn wants the other side or isn't getting enough. I don't know what to do. I don't want to refuse her or push her to the side but I want what's best for everyone. And my husband gets upset if I get the baby to sleep and then go in there to cuddle and nurse our daughter while he is trying to get her to sleep... but I feel bad that she is crying for me and not getting me! Ugh its so hard!

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Old 04-16-2013, 10:51 PM   #2
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Re: Tandem nursing- need support :(

I don't know mama. I'm sure other mamas who have tandem nursed an offer advice. Just wanted to give you a hug I too have a nursing 23 month old who still nurses to sleep. I can imagine how difficult it must be... Hope you get some good advice. I would think your milk production will supply enough for both tho.
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Old 04-17-2013, 12:34 PM   #3
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Re: Tandem nursing- need support :(

Give yourself a BIG hug mama. Tandem nursing is hard. Those first few weeks are doubly hard because you are learning how to be mama to one extra baby plus meet the needs of your other nurslings. No matter what you decide it will get easier as it becomes your new normal.

For us, bedtime was special time with mommy. I always nursed the youngest first. Then handed the baby off to daddy and nursed the other one. That meant she got her one on one nursing time with me (since she didn't get a lot of one on one when daddy was at work). We still do this. I nurse the youngest (8 mo) then the 2nd (28 mo) got as much time with mama as she wanted. Even if it took an hour. I knew daddy could handle the baby since they were definitely full of milk and therefore could be cared for in many other ways.
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Old 04-17-2013, 07:21 PM   #4
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I'm struggling till. My dd is 25 month and I have a 2 week old. Nurses through pregnancy but once a day or so. Now the older one is up to 3-4 time day and wakes for it at night. I'm aoooo overwhelmed i am taking it out on the 5 and 7 year old. Guess we gotta hang In there together
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:02 PM   #5
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Re: Tandem nursing- need support :(

My DD was 2.5 when DS was born and she wanted to nurse a lot more frequently when my milk came in than she had during pregnancy. I nursed her pretty much as often as she wanted for the first couple of weeks after he was born, even in the middle of the night (she had been nightweaned for almost a year at that point).

After couple of weeks, I told her she couldn't nurse at night anymore and limited her to nursing a few times a day. She cried for a few minute over not being able to nurse at night, but then that passed and she was ok with me telling her, "You can nurse at rest time/bedtime/in the morning." Telling her "later" rather than "no" seemed to work best for her.

Your body will make more milk if someone wants to nurse, so don't worry about running out. You are the factory!

You are still in the adjustment-to-a-newborn period--you will find a balance that works for all of you. It may involve a few tears, but it will work out.
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:21 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by firemommaof1 View Post
I don't know mama. I'm sure other mamas who have tandem nursed an offer advice. Just wanted to give you a hug I too have a nursing 23 month old who still nurses to sleep. I can imagine how difficult it must be... Hope you get some good advice. I would think your milk production will supply enough for both tho.
Thank you! I always wanted her to decide when she wanted to wean and I still feel that's what I want for her so I'm going to keep trying and hopefully i can get through this. Thank you for your support!
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:25 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by tibeca View Post
Give yourself a BIG hug mama. Tandem nursing is hard. Those first few weeks are doubly hard because you are learning how to be mama to one extra baby plus meet the needs of your other nurslings. No matter what you decide it will get easier as it becomes your new normal.

For us, bedtime was special time with mommy. I always nursed the youngest first. Then handed the baby off to daddy and nursed the other one. That meant she got her one on one nursing time with me (since she didn't get a lot of one on one when daddy was at work). We still do this. I nurse the youngest (8 mo) then the 2nd (28 mo) got as much time with mama as she wanted. Even if it took an hour. I knew daddy could handle the baby since they were definitely full of milk and therefore could be cared for in many other ways.
I love that! I can't agree more, bedtime is special time! I usually would nurse her before bed and then daddy would finish with brushing teeth, a bedtime story, prayers and snuggles. But since the baby was born I think she feels like she's missing out on what's going on with mommy and brother. So maybe we need to adjust a little. I'm glad to hear your success story though. I feel like I can do this, I just need to get past the initial struggle of it all. Thanks for your support
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:29 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Buena View Post
I'm struggling till. My dd is 25 month and I have a 2 week old. Nurses through pregnancy but once a day or so. Now the older one is up to 3-4 time day and wakes for it at night. I'm aoooo overwhelmed i am taking it out on the 5 and 7 year old. Guess we gotta hang In there together
We can do this mama!! I can't help bit feel its jealousy or reverting but I want her to feel secure and know that I'm there for her when she needs me but I also don't want her to be demanding either. Today she through a fit because I wouldn't nurse her until she asked politely. She was acting out and when we told her "No!" to what she was doing she started crying and swinging her arms and demanding that I nurse her. Usually she asks politely and always has manners so I was adamant that she used her manners that was difficult she didn't want to get over her tantrum. We'll get through this!! Hang in there mama!
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:34 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by VeganCupcake View Post
My DD was 2.5 when DS was born and she wanted to nurse a lot more frequently when my milk came in than she had during pregnancy. I nursed her pretty much as often as she wanted for the first couple of weeks after he was born, even in the middle of the night (she had been nightweaned for almost a year at that point).

After couple of weeks, I told her she couldn't nurse at night anymore and limited her to nursing a few times a day. She cried for a few minute over not being able to nurse at night, but then that passed and she was ok with me telling her, "You can nurse at rest time/bedtime/in the morning." Telling her "later" rather than "no" seemed to work best for her.

Your body will make more milk if someone wants to nurse, so don't worry about running out. You are the factory!

You are still in the adjustment-to-a-newborn period--you will find a balance that works for all of you. It may involve a few tears, but it will work out.
Thank you mama! It is a struggle for sure! I've tried telling her "later" but she is starting to act out when she isn't granted what she wants. I'm sure it has to do with being around her cousins so constantly cry and scream and tell their parents "NO!" And her 5year old step sister who doesn't listen and does the complete opposite of what she's told! It kills me to think she picking up bad habits because she had been so obedient and she still is but on occasion, more so recently, she has been disobeying and acting out. I know her world has just been so drastically changed I just hope and pray that we can all adjust to this change and through it! I know its possible. It just may take a few more ibuprofen then usual to get ride of these headaches haha thanks for your support mama!
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Old 04-18-2013, 03:17 AM   #10
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Re: Tandem nursing- need support :(

Just making it through pregnancy nursing is a feat as my 14 month at the time we got pregnant again was popping on and off. There wasn't anyway before getting here that I made it. I think my milk dried up right away.... Could you pump and give it to her later as she sits by you? I know a friend that tandem and said that she just let the toddler have one side and baby the other if they both were hungry.
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