Living together before marriage. Yay or nay?

[jamieism]

zombie thread! OP must have had the baby by now.

[sthomas1222]

Originally Posted by beccatown The statistics for divorce are higher amongst those who co-habitate before marriage compared to those who don't.

This is only true if it's viewed as living together only and not as a trial marriage. If you live together before marriage and treat is as if you're married then it does improve your odds. But how much to offset the increased divorce rate among those on 2nd marriages?

[kdailey0901]

My hubbs and I lived together for 3 years before we got married. Before we were even engaged. I had a child from a previous relationship and we lived 4 hours away from each other. I knew that if our relationship was going to go anywhere, I would have to make the jump. 4 years, one set of twins and a wedding later we are more in love than ever before. I know that our relationship would not have worked out if we didn't live together first.
You need to do what is right for you and what you feel is right in your heart. Best wishes to you!

[Fantastick]

I wouldn't buy a car w/o test driving it

[coquelicot]

Originally Posted by Fantastick I wouldn't buy a car w/o test driving it

(Disclaimer: the car analogy has always bugged me because IMO, it compares a loving relationship to a piece of depreciating metal, but if we're going there...)

This would mean that you'd go away for a weekend together, not live together. A more accurate comparison would be that you'd have to lease the car for a while before committing to buy it.

I'm all for the test drive but don't feel that I have to lease the car to know that it's the one for me. DH and I didn't live together first and have been married for almost 10 years. I think it's important to spend lots of time together, take it slow, and really KNOW your SO, but living together before marriage isn't necessary and guarantees nothing.

[MsBurrows]

My husband and I lived together before we were married and I have no regrets there. We were both young, had no children and were on the same page. At first, it was more like a long sleepover. Then when we were engaged our living situation got more serious.

But I don't believe in "settling" when it's something very important to you. If you want to get married before you move in with someone, then don't let that person make you feel like your wishes are less important. However, if you decide for yourself that the most important thing is that you are together, regardless of your marital status, then feel free to re-evaluate.

I'm for living in whatever situation you are comfortable with. But I just hate when it seems like a woman is being treated with less respect than she deserves.

[lanbryson]

I say yes people are crazy u never know, if u can live with them u can get through anything

[KristaW]

I am not married to my sons father but we live together. I don't see a problem with it. I doubt well get married any time soon. (:

[stephsicola]

We were engaged when we moved into together. We'd set a date and as far as we were concerned, we had already made the promise to each other.

I found that it helped my stress level a lot leading up to the wedding day. We didn't move in together as a test of our love for each other, "to see if it would work out." We did it because we were already committed to each other. It meant that after our wedding, we could just relax.

[essential1892]

My husband and I dated on and off since we were 15 years old. When we were 20 we started dating "for real" and then an few months later decided that we were going to move in together- we moved from Massachusetts to Georgia. It was the first time we had ever lived outside of our parents homes. My dad was not happy- not at all.

I knew I wanted to marry my dh, otherwise I would have never moved so far away with him. It brought us so close together- we made it through such stressful times with just the support of each other. When we got into arguments we were forced to work things out because we had nowhere to run to down there.

I guess it all comes down to your personality. I am not an impulsive person when it comes to love. My dh was the only person I have ever said I love you to and I just had a feeling he was the one. I believe that is why it worked for us.

When my daughters and son are adults I will not care if they want to move in with someone, as long as they are serious about it. I will hope that I raised them with enough sense to know that they will make the right decision.