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Old 05-11-2013, 03:47 PM   #1
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Thoughts on loveys?

I have posted before about my youngest, a breastfeeding addict who has not developed other means of self soothing. There are a few reasons why this happened, in the end mostly because I am a single parent to three small kids. Just did what worked!
So, we are trying to gently night wean (had another thread about that) but I continue to nurse when she wants during the day. She is 19 months old.
We are struggling with her inability to self soothe at all. She must have ME if I am present and will only calm for me with nursing. She must nurse to sleep and after any "trauma". She is so sensitive to my whereabouts in relation to hers that sometimes I am stuck on the couch/bed underneath her all afternoon (you would not believe the glass shattering screeches she makes if she should wake up and not have me!) I am personally struggling with this dilemma:
Introduce a "lovey" object to give her similar feelings of safety and security so she can develop healthy self soothing techniques (because I feel at her age it is important to begin learning such things as she gains more independance.)
Or, continue as is and/or use another method to make the both of us pleased with her newly learned self soothing skills. I have run out of ideas on how to accomplish this with her however. My boys had several self soothing habits or techniques we used.

Do you feel that a lovey is a good idea here?
Or am I just going to be distancing myself from her emotional needs doing that? My goal is what makes life more peaceful and pleasant for us both of course! Thoughts please?

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Old 05-11-2013, 04:33 PM   #2
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Re: Thoughts on loveys?

I think a lovey is a great idea that sooths a child when you are aware from them.

But....I'm afraid you LO is a bit too old to "take" to one? Might be worth a shot though.

I used to nurse with the lovey(one has obv, other has A&A blanket) and that is how they associated me/comfort with the lovey. Then they sleep with each...


Honestly I've never heard a negative to a lovey bar losing it, dirty(dragging around the store etc). But most of that can be solved by just leaving in crib/bed.
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Old 05-11-2013, 04:33 PM   #3
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Re: Thoughts on loveys?

I had a lovey growing up. I still have it my hope chest.

My kids all have loveys, each a blanket and a stuffed animal. My youngest is the sweetest with his. He likes to hold his animal like a baby.

It's nice because it makes drop offs very easy. If ds2 has his blanket, he's good. No crying nd 100% content until my return.
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Old 05-11-2013, 04:38 PM   #4
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I think a lovey is a good idea and in no way it would put a distance between you and her. She will still know the difference between soothing with you and with her lovey. It is a good age to try to introduce one. (it might be late for iteiducing a pacifier though). I'm trying this with my now 17mo too (to replace the binkie).
Try choosing one that will be easily replaceable - even a flat diaper can do the trick. You could try to put it between you and her every time you BF her so she gets used to it and it will get your smell.
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Old 05-11-2013, 04:47 PM   #5
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I think attempting a lovey is a great idea. I worry about the late introduction too.

Dd had a lovey (well, 2 since I made her a backup but now she wants both at home), but we only ever take one anywhere.

My boys have lovey items too, one a bear and another a weird stuffed dog that he glommed onto around 12 months, lol.

I don't think loveys hinder relationships at all.
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Old 05-11-2013, 04:56 PM   #6
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Doesn't seem too late - DD didn't adopt a lovey until 17 months.

I'm all for it.
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:00 PM   #7
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Re: Thoughts on loveys?

I think it might be counterproductive to add a lovey to the mix. The advantage to your boobs is that you can't lose them. Soothing with a lovey isn't really self-soothing anyway. You also risk that she wont accept the lovey, or won't stick to just one thing over time. DD (3) has never been able to choose just one item, so we spend a week dragging a stuffed dog around, a few days with a blankie, a day or two with a dollar-store turtle...but god forbid she lose any of them anywhere - meltdown!!

I would look into some behavioral/emotional strategies and talk to her about her feelings. Also look for children's books on self-soothing, not just parenting books. A good childrens' librarian will be able to help you find some. If you do end up getting her interested in a lovey, definitely grab a copy of Knuffle Bunny by Mo Willems.
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:31 PM   #8
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Re: Thoughts on loveys?

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Originally Posted by Leiiki View Post
I think it might be counterproductive to add a lovey to the mix. The advantage to your boobs is that you can't lose them. Soothing with a lovey isn't really self-soothing anyway. You also risk that she wont accept the lovey, or won't stick to just one thing over time. DD (3) has never been able to choose just one item, so we spend a week dragging a stuffed dog around, a few days with a blankie, a day or two with a dollar-store turtle...but god forbid she lose any of them anywhere - meltdown!!

I would look into some behavioral/emotional strategies and talk to her about her feelings. Also look for children's books on self-soothing, not just parenting books. A good childrens' librarian will be able to help you find some. If you do end up getting her interested in a lovey, definitely grab a copy of Knuffle Bunny by Mo Willems.
^^^em, she's only 19 months.....my 18 month old would have zero idea if I have a conversation about feelings with him Adore Knuffle Bunny but not sure if that is above this age level tbh.
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:53 PM   #9
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Re: Thoughts on loveys?

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Originally Posted by Leanbh View Post
^^^em, she's only 19 months.....my 18 month old would have zero idea if I have a conversation about feelings with him Adore Knuffle Bunny but not sure if that is above this age level tbh.
I don't think it's ever too early to talk about feelings. Kimochi feeling dolls are a good tool, but also just clearly explaining what they are feeling, what you are feeling, etc. when strong emotions are in play. "I can tell that you feel sad when kitty doesn't want to play." "Mommy is happy to see you!"

DD has had a grasp of at least happy, sad, mad, sorry, hurt, from when she started putting words together around 18 months. Her playgroup friends seem to have similar awareness give or take a few months and depending on personality/gender.
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Old 05-11-2013, 06:09 PM   #10
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Re: Thoughts on loveys?

We didn't introduce any kind of lovey until.. gosh... probably 2 years old.. and it wasn't necessarily us doing it. It was just him taking to a certain toy. Started out with a special car that always had to go to bed with him. Now its "lambie pie" who gets dirty as all get out and is near impossible to wrestle out of his grasp to wash and he's 3.5 years old.

I'm not planning on personally introducing any lovey to my youngest. I'd personally rather he turn to people for comfort, not material objects, as its caused some frustration in our house with my 3 year old.
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