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Old 05-14-2013, 10:31 AM   #61
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momtojande
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

The word "happy" is too open to interpretation. I think some people here are taking it like "fun time" and others are taking it as "mental health."

And besides that, competing interests of 2 different people (mom and baby) are relative. If you are pitting a fundamental need of one against a wish of the other, then the greater need comes first.

Like this: You should expect to wake up a lot with a newborn. If mom expects baby to sleep through the night by 2 weeks, and simply refuses to attend to any night wakings after that point, then she's putting herself first in a bad way. If "Baby" is still waking up every hour to nurse at 3 years old, and Mom is on the verge of a nervous breakdown from extreme sleep deprivation, then making her own needs a priority is a good thing. (I tried to put both of those examples at extreme ends of the spectrum. Of course most people draw a line somewhere between those 2 points, and we all draw it differently.)

There are also some things that just don't translate from one family to the next. One woman might be miserable as a SAHM, and in order to be happy (in the sense of "mental health") needs to work. Another might be miserable at work and deeply depressed, and needs to be a SAHM to feel right about her life. Either way, respecting her own needs and happiness will make her a better mom to her kids.

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Originally Posted by Fantastick View Post
sometimes putting yourself first is what's best for the baby. Just my 2 cents
Yes! I read this awhile back, but can't remember where, sorry! But I read an article that talked about how difficult it is to treat depression in children, because medications that work for adults don't work the same way for them. But they were finding that the most effective way to treat a child's depression, was to treat their mother's depression. When a mom is taking care of herself, she is able to connect with and attend to her kids better. Kids are just that dependent on having parents whose own mental health is managed.

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Old 05-14-2013, 10:42 AM   #62
mibarra
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momtojande View Post
The word "happy" is too open to interpretation. I think some people here are taking it like "fun time" and others are taking it as "mental health."

And besides that, competing interests of 2 different people (mom and baby) are relative. If you are pitting a fundamental need of one against a wish of the other, then the greater need comes first.

Like this: You should expect to wake up a lot with a newborn. If mom expects baby to sleep through the night by 2 weeks, and simply refuses to attend to any night wakings after that point, then she's putting herself first in a bad way. If "Baby" is still waking up every hour to nurse at 3 years old, and Mom is on the verge of a nervous breakdown from extreme sleep deprivation, then making her own needs a priority is a good thing. (I tried to put both of those examples at extreme ends of the spectrum. Of course most people draw a line somewhere between those 2 points, and we all draw it differently.)

There are also some things that just don't translate from one family to the next. One woman might be miserable as a SAHM, and in order to be happy (in the sense of "mental health") needs to work. Another might be miserable at work and deeply depressed, and needs to be a SAHM to feel right about her life. Either way, respecting her own needs and happiness will make her a better mom to her kids.

Yes! I read this awhile back, but can't remember where, sorry! But I read an article that talked about how difficult it is to treat depression in children, because medications that work for adults don't work the same way for them. But they were finding that the most effective way to treat a child's depression, was to treat their mother's depression. When a mom is taking care of herself, she is able to connect with and attend to her kids better. Kids are just that dependent on having parents whose own mental health is managed.
Exactly what I was thinking. A world of difference between being selfish and taking care of your own needs for mental health, and a huge gray area between the two!
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