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Old 05-16-2013, 07:53 AM   #1
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Suggestions: methods to avoid? (warning, possible TMI)

I don't think the title of this thread makes sense to me, but I couldn't come up with a better one at the moment
......

I am having a hard time with methods of avoiding. Maybe some of you ladies have some suggestions for me on how to make things better or more comfortable?

We don't use hormonal methods or IUD's due to certain convictions we both have.
DH is allergic to non-9.
I'm almost always on top b/c I prefer it and I'm in much better physical health and DH strains his back if he's on top for any length of time so pull-out is hard for us.
I've tried temping but with the 3 kids we have, but it seems I'm almost always getting out of bed at night more than once depending on who's needing a hug for a bad dream, who's having growing pains, who lost his nukie and can't find it in the dark, and whatever else, and the temping I've tried in the past was never reliable or even remotely accurate.
I try to just count days and stuff, but I know that's not always reliable and I have a very strong *drive* and have a hard time avoiding during that whole week on top of the week of my AF.
So far we are just using condoms while I am fertile, but they hurt me. We've tried every kind, shape, material, over 6 different lubes, always using way more than we need (to the point where I have to change sheets it's so messy) but as soon as one goes on, it kills it for me, I'm in pain Sometimes I just kinda keep going and get it done as fast as possible, sometimes I have to stop and I'm hurting for a couple days after.
I got fitted once for a diaphragm between the boys, thinking we could maybe just use that with some K-y and at least that was something and that's better than nothing, but it hurt just to get fitted for it, I couldn't imagine at the time having to put it in b/f being with DH I thought it would kill the mood. I put off going to actually pick it up from the pharmacy a week or so and got preggie with our youngest in that time.
We are not in a position to consider the big V yet. I don't want to be done yet, and DH isn't fully on board even if I was. He's just not even ready to seriously talk about it.

What am I doing wrong? What can I change to make it better? Is there something with the condoms that I'm not thinking of? Is there another barrier method I'm not aware of that might help? Do you think I should maybe make an appt. and go back to get fitted for another diaphragm and give that a try?

I love my DH both emotionally and physically and I really enjoy our *time* together; I'm having a very difficult time staying off of him this long but I don't want to be in pain either. Help? Any suggestions?

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Old 05-16-2013, 08:18 AM   #2
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Re: Suggestions: methods to avoid? (warning, possible TMI)

Tracking your cervical mucus/position is more accurate than temperature.
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Old 05-16-2013, 08:29 AM   #3
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Re: Suggestions: methods to avoid? (warning, possible TMI)

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/hea...hart-22710.htm

Have you tried cervical cap or female condom? Those look like the only barrier methods you haven't mentioned. I understand about male condoms, they are the worst... though somehow I didn't think so at 22. I'd also say you have the diaphragm so just give it a try. Maybe once things get going you won't notice it.
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Old 05-16-2013, 02:41 PM   #4
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Re: Suggestions: methods to avoid? (warning, possible TMI)

It hurt terribly to have my diaphragm fitted, but I didn't feel it when it was in. If you insert your diaphragm and it hurts, it could be the wrong size. It might be uncomfortable when first inserted, but it should not hurt. I would check that you have the right size.
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Old 05-16-2013, 03:44 PM   #5
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Re: Suggestions: methods to avoid? (warning, possible TMI)

I use contragel (natural barrier support) with a diaphragm. Best decision we ever made. I can't feel my diaphragm at all once it is inserted.

I too am allergic to nonoxyl-9 and get burning pain from condoms.
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Old 05-17-2013, 06:34 AM   #6
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Re: Suggestions: methods to avoid? (warning, possible TMI)

where do you get your contragel tibeca?
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:40 AM   #7
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Re: Suggestions: methods to avoid? (warning, possible TMI)

I have an issues with lube, spermicide, and condoms. I can't use hormonal BC due to complications and don't want an IUD due to risks. I don't want to temp and don't feel it would be all that accurate since I've had crazy sleep patterns for many years up until just recently. I don't want to drop hundreds of dollars on a LadyComp, though it probably would be a worthy investment. At one point we used pull-out method for quite some time and didn't have an issue...until we did and ended up conceiving the baby I miscarried in 2005.

I've checked CP, CM, and track(ed) ovulation using OPKs. I started OPKs again recently, even though were are TTA, because I was have short periods and what to see what was going on.

It took me years to figure out the issue with condoms was a reaction/sensitivity. The only brand we can use without issue is unlubricated with no spermicide, Trojan ENZ. If we want to use lube I have to use something I know I don't react to. Spermicides are absolutely, positively out of the question for me. Currently we use condoms during my fertile time or until ovulation is over, depending. I track CDs, assumed ovulation based on CM and O pain (and now OPKs).

Now that I've found a condom that does not put me in complete agony condoms are what I am most comfortable with. Do I love them? No, but I am most comfortable with them than the other BC options out there that I considered. Would I prefer not to use condoms, yeah, but like I said they pose the least risk to me with the greatest protection and 'fussing'. Something had to give...I couldn't deal with the risk of pregnancy but rule out all my BC options for some reason or another. We made something work.

Last edited by Spunkify; 05-17-2013 at 11:43 AM.
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Old 05-18-2013, 04:59 PM   #8
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I agree with a pp about tracking CM. there. Is also a device called ovacue that tracks electrolytes that happen with an estrogen surge and gives you a 5-7 day warning for the big 0.

I know you said you've tried many types of lube, but have you tried Pjur original? I have always hated lubes and condoms. More like dreaded. We got a sample of this in a package once and it's AMAZING. like nothing I have ever used before. Suddenly sex using condoms wasn't painful anymore!

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS.../chrisficti-20
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Old 05-18-2013, 07:12 PM   #9
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Re: Suggestions: methods to avoid? (warning, possible TMI)

Track your mucus, position, and how open it is. you can still temp too, if you go to the TCOYF forum, how to temp before going to bed has been discussed. also try taking your temperature vaginally, it tends to be more stable than oral temperatures which can change easily depending on things as silly as whether or not you slept with your mouth open.

I would try again with the diaphragm, and contragel is a natural spermicide. Since you have had children (regardless of whether they were vaginal or csection births,) the effectiveness of the cervical cap is significantly reduced.

and the condom issue. if you haven't already, try some brands that aren't commonly available in stores. The only ones I am willing to use are Proper Attire and Sir Richard's. Sir Richard's happens to be carried at some Whole Foods, if you have one near you. If your DH is bigger, both of those brands have XL sizes that are ACTUALLY XL. lol. when you use them, put some lube in them as well as on the outside, if you weren't already doing that.

ETA: if i were you, i would also add OPKs to the list of symptom cross checkers.
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Old 06-23-2013, 09:00 PM   #10
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Re: Suggestions: methods to avoid? (warning, possible TMI)

Skinless skin is a great brand.... Good luck
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