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Old 02-05-2014, 09:07 PM   #11
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Re: Pushy Mother-in-Law

My MIL is a NIGHTMARE! I could type for HOURS the crap she has pulled! But the stuff you mentioned she does as well and it always ticked me off. Thankfully, we just moved to another state for DH's job and I was so happy to leave her in SC! She came to stay with us a few days at Christmas, other than that we are peacefully in TN! good luck, I definitely hope you have a better outcome than me!

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Old 02-05-2014, 09:20 PM   #12
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Yes! My MIL was like that as well. She actually lived with us for 1.5 years. Dh's parents got divorced when he was 3, so it was just the 2 of them forever until he convinced her to adopt a baby when he was 15. When we went to college in a state 5 hrs away she tried to move to the same town. Luckily she couldn't get a job there and had to move. We moved to Florida and she tried to move there too. And then when we moved back to Maryland she followed us there too. She got way over the top 3.5 year ago and I haven't talked to her since. It has made my life so much easier and less stressful!
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Old 02-06-2014, 12:05 AM   #13
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I agree with PPs who said to let your DH handle her. I think with the invitation thing I would've gotten passive aggressive at some point and just told her she should go ahead and make other plans since you haven't been able to ask DH yet and "it's not fair to keep her waiting."
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Old 02-06-2014, 08:14 AM   #14
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Re: Pushy Mother-in-Law

Oh my word, does SHE have any friends or any activities? I'd have my husband talk to her, and say that her expectations for you guys to be her entire family support system, and daily entertainment is too much, and you have other people in your life as well. And then see if she would be willing to have him help her set up some other things to do, focus on, volunteer for, etc.
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Old 02-06-2014, 01:08 PM   #15
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Re: Pushy Mother-in-Law

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Originally Posted by Sarai* View Post
Oh my word, does SHE have any friends or any activities? I'd have my husband talk to her, and say that her expectations for you guys to be her entire family support system, and daily entertainment is too much, and you have other people in your life as well. And then see if she would be willing to have him help her set up some other things to do, focus on, volunteer for, etc.
Yes, this is exactly what had to happen with my MIL. Two years ago, she moved to the same area we live in. It's her favorite part of the country, and she has been talking about wanting to live around here for years. 6 months later, she's talking about moving back to where she lived before, because she's just so disappointed in DH. She thought that when she moved closer "to be near my family", she'd see him more often - she only expected it to be "two or three times a week." Um, hello! The man works almost 80 hours a week! I told her, "I live with him and I hardly see him more than 3 times a week!" She expected that I would now go and find a full-time job since she's here now and could babysit DS2, but he'd have to change his habits, of course, because she'd have to watch her TV shows. Wrong again!

Best thing that we ever did was to introduce her to a friend of ours who is near her age, shares her interest in dogs, and is retired. She has gotten MIL involved in several things at church, and it has really helped take some of the pressure off.
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Old 02-06-2014, 01:17 PM   #16
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Re: Pushy Mother-in-Law

I would text back, "If you need an answer right now, then no." If she complains, tell her "Look, I cannot say yes without talking it over with DH so if you need to know immediately then I have to say no."

Then tell your husband he needs to deal with her.

Alternatively, it would be a bit fun to return the neediness, although it could backfire. "Whaaaat, you're going out of town without us? Why weren't we invited? Is it too late to join you? We miss you!"
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:04 PM   #17
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Can you get away with jut not responding to her constant texts. That seems a little over the top. I'd respond once I will let you know as soon as I can one time, if she keeps responding I wouldn't respond back.
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Old 02-07-2014, 01:41 PM   #18
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Re: Pushy Mother-in-Law

I ended up in therapy over very similar issues several years ago. The jist of it was: set boundaries (tactfully) and defer to DH. Little pp said, mommies don't get too mad at their sons. And just because she texts you doesn't mean you have to immediately text back. You don't owe her any explanations. My MIL STILL does that if i don't answer the phone. "Oh, i called a few minutes ago. Were you outside, or did you just get in from being somewhere?" Seriously lady?!
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Old 02-07-2014, 03:55 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by danielle
I think this is the kind of thing that happens when you don't set boundaries. Her expectations keep rising because you keep meeting the ones she is setting.

I think you should default to the rules of etiquette and stop giving her so much information. If she invites you somewhere, and you can't go, tell her you cannot make it, no explaining needed. If you aren't sure, tell her you will let her know as soon as you can, no explanation needed. If she needs to know immediately, the answer would have to be no.

I'd be setting boundaries with texting too. It sounds like it's getting out of hand. You will answer texts between 12 PM and 6 pm and then you are no longer checking your messages, or whatever. 10 pm is WAY too late to be interacting with mil. She's out of control, but she's the monster you made. You need to rein it back in.
Yes!

Plus when people get needy like this with me, dh or my kids I cut back on time spent together or cut them out entirely for a bit.
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Old 02-07-2014, 04:22 PM   #20
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Re: Pushy Mother-in-Law

Have your dh deal with her. HE needs to set these boundaries so she understands this is the family rule and not just wifey not liking mil. My MIL is just like this sometimes and she's lived with us for almost 7 years. She thinks its just not fair that we go on dates without her (hmmm seriously??) and we never get to take a family only vacation without her. DH really has to lay down the law with her (over and over and over) but it keeps her somewhat contained.
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